1. Let it f*ck go already!
I have this relative by marriage that gets under my skin. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. He's intelligent, he's living comfortably and he takes good care of my relative. Thing is, he's one of those guys that think they know the answer to everything, especially when it comes to YOUR life. He loves to sit in his house and potentate about how he made all the right decisions and you made all the wrong ones. But he's gonna give you a break - if you follow his direction your life would be just perfect. It's a no-win situation - if you follow his advice you'll always owe him something and if you don't, he'll always be there to rub your errors (or what HE thinks are your errors) in your face. When it comes to me, he doesn't like my husband (believe me, the feeling is mutual) and feels that I made a mistake in marrying him. Now, mind you, he wasn't around while The Hubby and I were dating (1988-1992), and wasn't around when we got married (1992-now - this guy married my relative in the late 90's). Most people would think that a husband who is intelligent, hard-working, caring, supportive and gives his wife virtually unlimited freedoms would be a good catch. This dude-in-law doesn't agree - and every time I'm in his house longer than an hour and he gets to drinking I have to dodge catty, veiled remarks and unnecessary comments about how I could do better and how my husband is deliberately keeping me away from my relative, etc. If it sounds retarded and out of line, IT IS. We literally came to blows about it once. No, I'm not proud of that moment, but I don't regret it either. Most of you who know me personally know that I'd rather work it out than fight, but I WILL kick your ass if you intentionally push me to the breaking point. That night he did.
Soooo...a coupla years later we reached a truce. I apologized for going upside his head in his own house and he apologized for being a dick. My relative and I became closer than ever and we really have been enjoying each other's company. I still try to avoid staying around her husband any longer than necessary especially if he's drinking. But this past weekend, I stayed longer than I should have...and then homeboy goes right back into bully mode about my life. I was surprised, but politely advised that I'm very happy. I'm saying this while gathering my things at warp speed, even my relative looked exasperated and embarrassed. He was starting to needle me and I had to basically RUN out of the front door.
DUDE. You are on wife NUMBER THREE. THREE! Yet you think you're some sort of marriage counselor? Are we kidding? Secondly, I don't tell you what's going on in my life, so you don't know enough to comment. Mind your own business! Lastly, my husband isn't keeping me away from my relative, YOU ARE. Let it f*ck go already!
2. No, it's not funny and karma is a bitch.
As some of you know, The Hubby and I were packing up to move to Texas a couple of years ago. A fella named Matt worked remotely from Texas for The Hubby's job, and while they talked now and then, they started talking more often as our proposed move date got closer. He was a nice guy with a wife, two daughters and his son from a previous marriage. He and The Hubby talked about getting together once we made it to Texas (sadly, we didn't make it to Texas). Yesterday, we got the news that he had murdered his son and then killed himself. A passerby found the bodies :( Matt was doing well as far as everyone knew. He became born-again and seemed happy with that choice. He was working but also had a side business with his wife that was doing well. So well, in fact, he had quit The Hubby's job just two weeks ago. So to get that kind of news is not just horrible, but unexpected.
Now the douchebags at my husband's job just think it's all a hoot. Cracking jokes like, "This is what happens when you get Born Again!" and, "Well, he wanted to meet God...yukyukyuk". WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? This is a tragedy! We may NEVER know or understand what made him decide to take his own life and take his son with him, but to joke about it? Is your life so perfect? Have you no heart? Maybe you don't care about ever meeting your maker because you apparently have NO SOUL.
Karma's a bitch. Matt - R.I.P., and all the best to your surviving family.
3. Jesus H. Christ, you can't POSSIBLY be that stupid.
Sadly, this person is. I can't even describe too much of the situation without it being apparent who it is about, so I won't get all cryptic. Here's the bottom line: People are dysfunctional, but love should not be. I would like to think that love is at its best when two people get together and the best of them is amplified while the worst of them is acknowledged, yet managed. Love should not involve abuse. Love should not involve injury or jail. When you have to turn off the thinking part of your brain in order to be with someone, a bell should be going off. When all of your friends and colleagues practically beg you to run in the opposite direction of this person, a red flag should go up. Are you a masochist? Are you trying to push it to see how much you can handle? Is this your self-inflicted penance for the crappy way you've treated the opposite sex over the years? No, no one wants to be with you when you're with that person because we all hate what they've done and will continue to do to you. No one wants to be a witness to any more than they've already seen. This has the potential of being the mother of all train wrecks. But this time, I can't bear to watch.
4. You want a guarantee? Then guarantee you're not gonna suck! (This is long, y'all)
I never thought that I would be booking bands again at a venue. I've been booking a venue in Suffolk, Long Island and I am having fun booking up the schedule, meeting new musicians who aren't always Metal (in fact, most of them are not) and hanging out in a place that I really like. But the one thing I have NOT enjoyed is running into that infamous brick wall on Long Island known as The Cover Band With The Guarantee. If you're reading this, you know I'm a musician (if ya didn't, now ya know LOL). I have been playing for longer than some of you readers have been alive, have shared the stage with popular acts, gotten compliments on my playing from the merely famous to legends. But even now, when my band plays, we work for the door deal, whatever it is. As good as we are, whether it's our own songs or covers, we hustle and promote, not just because we want everyone to know who we are, but we know the more people we bring, the more money we make. It keeps us hungry, it keep us from slacking and shortchanging the promoters and venues that were kind enough to book us. When traveling we ask for something to cover our expenses, but we realize we're not Iron Maiden. We do know that if we knock your socks off, you'll want us back, which gives us room to negotiate because we've proven ourselves.
Too bad some bands out here haven't learned that lesson. I would NEVER begrudge any band who is excellent and fortunate enough to play in establishments that are in the position to pay them a $300-$600 guarantee for playing other people's music. Good for you, and this rant isn't necessarily directed at you. This rant IS directed at those bands who flat-out fucking suck but have the unmitigated gall to ask for a guarantee, and those who forgot that while you should conduct your band like a business, that playing music, especially when you are NOT doing it for a living, is supposed to be fun.
I have had the displeasure over the last few weeks of getting CDs or links from cover bands that were so awful they made me throw up a little in my mouth. Instead of doing a Simon Cowell and delivering the painful truth ("dude, your band fucking sucks") my 'out' is to advise that the venue is unable at this time to pay a guarantee. Which is the truth - it isn't. The venue lost their cabaret license for a bit, and the owner took it up the ass to get it back. In the meantime, people found someplace else to go. Aside from a great place and staff, hopefully I'm a piece of the puzzle that will bring the club back to form. But shit ain't like that right now, and I am not in the mood to listen to supposedly grown-ass people whine about getting a guarantee before they bring up why we should book them at all. Musicians should be grateful that a club owner wants to stick it out and support live music when he could have said 'fuck this' and let yet another place close or just maintain a jukebox.
Guarantees are based on the fact that an establishment or event has a built-in/captive crowd filling the coffers for you to be paid out of. Some venues just have not been able to cultivate a substantial "regular" crowd don't have the extra cash to throw at a band. They have to hustle to attract a crowd, and every dollar counts. No, the venue does not want to pay you 1/3 of what is in the register when you really didn't bring anyone and you certainly didn't promote. My favorite was the band that described it's supposed greatness in all caps, and then presented a show rider describing their needs for the evening like they were motherfucking U2. Are we kidding? I have to mention that they had two shows booked when I contacted them...and I purposely watched them NOT promote either show at all, which proves my point that many bands who get a guarantee have no incentive to promote the gig, so they don't. I also love the bands that insist upon being the only act for the night. I suggested that I could put them on at 10:30pm, and they could play as long as they liked, but I would be putting two compatible bands on the bill ahead of them. They refused, saying that they, 'didn't do things that way'. Hey asshole! EVEN THE BIGGEST MUSIC STARS HAVE OPENING ACTS. Who the fuck do you think you are? Seriously! Another hoot are the ones who say, "well, we're not kids anymore..." as if a) I'm supposed to give a shit, and b) as if I'm supposed to just pay you for surviving up to whatever age you are now. Not my issue! My issue is whether or not you're going to sound good and bring people into the venue. The rest is BULLSHIT that I don't care about!
I totally understand the desire to be paid a flat fee to play for a change - for a gigging musician, it doesn't happen often. I think guaranteeing the band will be paid something is awesome. But there are so many bands out there that aren't good that shouldn't be booked anywhere, much less for a fee. Plus, the reluctance of a band to suck it up the first time at a venue they've never played before boggles my mind. Why wouldn't you want to show you are worth the money and the block of time allotted? Your cover band is the shit? Prove it! Play a show for me on my terms once or twice and if you live up to your hype then we can talk about a guarantee. But why should I risk losing money and perhaps scaring off patrons just on your word? I don't care how well you draw or how much you can command somewhere else. If you can't do well FOR ME and you are not good, it means NOTHING.
So far, every band that has played for this venue I've been booking are very willing to come back again. Myself and my booking buddy bring in good artists for the patrons, we get a cut for our hard work, the bands get paid more than we said we would pay them, and the bar makes some money. Everyone wins, everyone goes home happy. And that's how it should be.
I hope that at some point once we weed out the weak, and the place is so crowded on the regular it's asshole to elbow. Then I can offer bands a definite amount plus some from the door. But of course, that offer will be extended to those bands that normally get a guarantee, but did the door thing once or twice to prove themselves, and the bands that played without bitching, were not egomaniacs, and weren't a pain in the ass. It will be my pleasure to give those bands cash when they come in the door and more when they leave. But the venue will never get to that point if we have to pay unworthy bands who don't promote a few hundred dollars to play the same cover songs we hear all the time...poorly.
I know, some cover bands out there are saying, 'well, everyone gets paid for their work, so the band should get paid too and we have every right to demand what we think we're worth'. Fine. But sometimes the perspective is skewed. The barmaid gets paid for slinging drinks and putting up with your shit because it's her job. The delivery guy got paid because there was a demand for what's he bringing. I want musicians who live to play and see every gig as an opportunity, not a job. Plus, is there a demand for you? If you truly believe in your talent and your support system of fans, friends and promo skills them you should not be afraid to show that there is and make me foam at the mouth to book you and pay your fee.
Lastly, if you're going to be a cover band and expect to be paid, BE GREAT or go home (and not being a dick counts, too). There are HUNDREDS of cover bands who all want a guarantee, and if I have to pay someone, it's gonna be the band that I KNOW is GREAT and who isn't going to be butt-munch. Period.
Providing and playing live music in a friendly, comfortable venue should be fun, and I will do my damndest to keep it that way as much as I can. If you're with that and willing to work with me, then we can roll. If not...oh well.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Pet Peeves #18 (originally posted 3/18/09)
1. Ex Bandmate Drama
I don't care what band situation has you fighting with each other or how pissed you are at each other. There is absolutely no reason to sink lower than an ant's ass in a public forum and bring up very personal shit (and mention people who have ZERO to do with the situation) in view for others to speculate about. I very recently saw a back-and-forth between former bandmates, and while one was trying to be civil about it, the other one was definitely not, saying all kinds of mean, horrible things that had nothing to do with the matter at hand. The lack of class that person put on display was absolutely uncalled for, and I have lost ALL respect for that individual. ALL. There is a certain amount of respect that is owed to anyone you have a history with, and unless they beat you or did something so egregious it's unforgivable, there is duty to show discretion and restraint when it's apparent outsiders are going to hear or read about it. That was not the case here. As far as this person is concerned: Honey, this situation and two others I've heard about you make me sick, has given me some keen insight that I have taken to heart. You are a jackass, you are unreasonable and quite possibly insane. Actually, it was probably great that you posted what you did so others can see your true colors. This way, they have fair warning about what to expect when involved in any kind of relationship with you that isn't on your terms. Keep at it sunshine!
2. Reality Show music groups
I don't know why people endure these reality programs where pop groups are thrown together and then collapse soon after. OF COURSE it didn't work out! As anyone with any "group" type experience or, hell, with ANY kind of real life experience should know, a successful unit involves teamwork, and a good team, whether it's a office department or a band requires getting together, building an understanding of each other, and before a result is achieved (i.e. a successful product launch or a good CD) tinkering with the team until you get it right while building that widget or that signature sound. When you have a 4-5 people who are forced to work together without any prior relationship, communication, and without a true grasp of each other's strengths, weaknesses and capabilities there WILL be a breakdown very quickly at some very inconvenient point. Since these mostly immature youngsters have not built anything together, more than likely will not create anything together, and have no loyalty to each other, it is easy for members to get up and walk away because they have invested NOTHING into its success and therefore have nothing to lose. Period. I watched a few minutes of "Making the Band", and (aside from the fact that they are actually singing groups, NOT bands) I had to laugh at Diddy telling the two remaining girls from Danity Kane that they "needed to work it out" with the two girls he didn't fire. Hmmm. They didn't slap the group together for the sake of a buck, he did. They didn't choose their band mates, he did. They didn't choose their material, he did. They didn't have the time to assess each other's mentality and goals, so he should have for the sake of his product. He did due diligence to make sure he had a team together that could work well and efficiently in his office and on the show, but apparently that due diligence doesn't transcend to the music groups he coughs up for public consumption. Stuff likes this further dumbs down the music industry and trivializes what should make music electric - integrity and chemistry.
3. People who drive on the shoulder/hash when there's traffic.
You ASSHOLES. Yeah, you who acts as though no one's schedule matters except yours and you should be allowed to drive on the shoulder and dive in and out of traffic, cutting off people who are at their wits end because of the slowdown. You know, because everyone just LOVES to sit in traffic. You are not special, and unless your baby mama is about to give birth or your ass is on fire, merge like you're supposed to and keep your ass in a lane. It gives me great pleasure when a cop sits on the side, waiting for dicks like you to come speeding along the shoulder like it's an HOV lane and you try to squeeze your way back in. That's right - I won't let you in. Act like you want to hit me if you want to - you won't. You have a shiny new truck or car which is probably why you have such a shitty sense of entitlement. Me - I have a 2003 Volkswagen and I don't give a fuck. Try explaining to Mr. Officer you hit my car trying to dodge his ass on the hash. That'll go over real well. Call me what you want, but if I gotta sit and creep along at 5mph for 20 minutes because people gotta watch some noob get a ticket, you will too if I can help it, dammit!
4. Stupid Voice Mail
I'm not a fan of voice mail recordings as it is. You know, the ones where you have to press a button after leaving your message (stupid); the ones that say leave a message after the tone then rambles on for another minute before giving you the tone so you can get it the FUCK over with already (annoying), etc. But I heard one today that takes the cake and made me wanna throw my phone out of the window. I had to leave a detailed and very important message for a client and got his voice mail. I finally got to leave a message after about two minutes of Stupid Robotic Voice Message Lady rambling on. When leaving my voice message, I identified myself and took one breath...and was cut off by Stupid Robotic Voice Message Lady who says - and I shit you not - "you took a pause in your message. If you would like send this message as urgent, press one. If you would like make your message private, press two..." the option to re-record the message was OPTION SEVEN. Are we kidding? This happens THREE TIMES no matter how hard I try to run my sentences together. Now, I'm already pissed that the idiot client didn't send what he was supposed to and I'm wasting time even making this call, so now I'm ready to bite a nail in half. Want my help with your situation buddy? Well, we're already off to a bad start!
I don't care what band situation has you fighting with each other or how pissed you are at each other. There is absolutely no reason to sink lower than an ant's ass in a public forum and bring up very personal shit (and mention people who have ZERO to do with the situation) in view for others to speculate about. I very recently saw a back-and-forth between former bandmates, and while one was trying to be civil about it, the other one was definitely not, saying all kinds of mean, horrible things that had nothing to do with the matter at hand. The lack of class that person put on display was absolutely uncalled for, and I have lost ALL respect for that individual. ALL. There is a certain amount of respect that is owed to anyone you have a history with, and unless they beat you or did something so egregious it's unforgivable, there is duty to show discretion and restraint when it's apparent outsiders are going to hear or read about it. That was not the case here. As far as this person is concerned: Honey, this situation and two others I've heard about you make me sick, has given me some keen insight that I have taken to heart. You are a jackass, you are unreasonable and quite possibly insane. Actually, it was probably great that you posted what you did so others can see your true colors. This way, they have fair warning about what to expect when involved in any kind of relationship with you that isn't on your terms. Keep at it sunshine!
2. Reality Show music groups
I don't know why people endure these reality programs where pop groups are thrown together and then collapse soon after. OF COURSE it didn't work out! As anyone with any "group" type experience or, hell, with ANY kind of real life experience should know, a successful unit involves teamwork, and a good team, whether it's a office department or a band requires getting together, building an understanding of each other, and before a result is achieved (i.e. a successful product launch or a good CD) tinkering with the team until you get it right while building that widget or that signature sound. When you have a 4-5 people who are forced to work together without any prior relationship, communication, and without a true grasp of each other's strengths, weaknesses and capabilities there WILL be a breakdown very quickly at some very inconvenient point. Since these mostly immature youngsters have not built anything together, more than likely will not create anything together, and have no loyalty to each other, it is easy for members to get up and walk away because they have invested NOTHING into its success and therefore have nothing to lose. Period. I watched a few minutes of "Making the Band", and (aside from the fact that they are actually singing groups, NOT bands) I had to laugh at Diddy telling the two remaining girls from Danity Kane that they "needed to work it out" with the two girls he didn't fire. Hmmm. They didn't slap the group together for the sake of a buck, he did. They didn't choose their band mates, he did. They didn't choose their material, he did. They didn't have the time to assess each other's mentality and goals, so he should have for the sake of his product. He did due diligence to make sure he had a team together that could work well and efficiently in his office and on the show, but apparently that due diligence doesn't transcend to the music groups he coughs up for public consumption. Stuff likes this further dumbs down the music industry and trivializes what should make music electric - integrity and chemistry.
3. People who drive on the shoulder/hash when there's traffic.
You ASSHOLES. Yeah, you who acts as though no one's schedule matters except yours and you should be allowed to drive on the shoulder and dive in and out of traffic, cutting off people who are at their wits end because of the slowdown. You know, because everyone just LOVES to sit in traffic. You are not special, and unless your baby mama is about to give birth or your ass is on fire, merge like you're supposed to and keep your ass in a lane. It gives me great pleasure when a cop sits on the side, waiting for dicks like you to come speeding along the shoulder like it's an HOV lane and you try to squeeze your way back in. That's right - I won't let you in. Act like you want to hit me if you want to - you won't. You have a shiny new truck or car which is probably why you have such a shitty sense of entitlement. Me - I have a 2003 Volkswagen and I don't give a fuck. Try explaining to Mr. Officer you hit my car trying to dodge his ass on the hash. That'll go over real well. Call me what you want, but if I gotta sit and creep along at 5mph for 20 minutes because people gotta watch some noob get a ticket, you will too if I can help it, dammit!
4. Stupid Voice Mail
I'm not a fan of voice mail recordings as it is. You know, the ones where you have to press a button after leaving your message (stupid); the ones that say leave a message after the tone then rambles on for another minute before giving you the tone so you can get it the FUCK over with already (annoying), etc. But I heard one today that takes the cake and made me wanna throw my phone out of the window. I had to leave a detailed and very important message for a client and got his voice mail. I finally got to leave a message after about two minutes of Stupid Robotic Voice Message Lady rambling on. When leaving my voice message, I identified myself and took one breath...and was cut off by Stupid Robotic Voice Message Lady who says - and I shit you not - "you took a pause in your message. If you would like send this message as urgent, press one. If you would like make your message private, press two..." the option to re-record the message was OPTION SEVEN. Are we kidding? This happens THREE TIMES no matter how hard I try to run my sentences together. Now, I'm already pissed that the idiot client didn't send what he was supposed to and I'm wasting time even making this call, so now I'm ready to bite a nail in half. Want my help with your situation buddy? Well, we're already off to a bad start!
Pet Peeves #17 (posted approx. 2/1/10)
1. No, I'm not going to do your job for you.
I have my own work to do. It's bad enough people don't listen to the prompts when they call, push the wrong button, and then end up with me...then they're all pissy as if it's my fault they ended up in the wrong department. I transfer them to you, the person they need, so you can help them. Now, you're asking me 40 questions in the hopes that I looked up all their info up in YOUR system and can give you a blow-by-blow of their problem and make your life easy. You lazy shit - I gave you their name. I told you their issue. WTF? TAKE THE CALL AND DEAL WITH IT. If I going to get all of their info, dig deep into their problem, then I'm doing YOUR job, aren't I? When the tables are reversed, I'm lucky to get even a name out of you. Now you're grunting at me because heaven forbid, you have to do your job? The nerve - no wonder why your co-workers in your department have nothing nice to say about ya!
2. The college teacher that stopped a student's speech that was anti-Gay Marriage, called him "a fascist bastard", then denied him a grade.
My last Pet Peeve brought up a short discourse with my friend Scott about political hypocrisy, and, almost as if someone waved a magic wand, here is a prime example. The story as it has been reported so far: Student gets up to do a speech about why he is against Gay Marriage, citing religious reasons. Teacher stops him, demands he sit down, called him a "fascist bastard", and that if he wanted a grade for his speech, to 'ask God for it'. The student has since sued. To date, we do not know the content of the student's speech other than referencing the Bible; it is not revealed if the student said anything mean or hateful (if he had, I'm sure it would have been on YouTube already). So here's the thing about freedom of speech people: IT GOES BOTH WAYS. Unless the student was completely out of line, he is entitled to his opinion as much as anyone else. If those on the Left want to exercise their right to trash organized religion, trash the people who believe in the Bible or other religious texts, berate Conservative/Traditional people, and call people who don't agree with every aspect of their agenda all kinds of names, then they need to brace themselves when they get a dose of their own medicine. Freedom of speech applies to ALL Americans, no matter what it is, on whatever topic. While you don't have to agree with it, you cannot deny it. What really gets me is that this happened at a college - where ideas and opinions are supposed to be shared freely in the hopes of developing discourse and discussion for wisdom's sake. Again, barring a mean hate speech, the teacher should have let the student finish, and then he and the other students can question his stance. The teacher completely denied that opportunity for everyone involved, and regardless of your opinion on the subject, how is that right?
3. Physical abuse in a relationship.
The whole Rihanna/Chris Brown situation really brought relationship abuse into the spotlight. Sadly, there are abusers out there who consider women to be little more than punching bags with vaginas, and those guys need to be castrated and forced into slave labor. But here is where people may get a little pissed at me. Ladies, if physical fighting is something you dig (there are some of you who think it's 'hot'...because you're retarded) then know you get NO SYMPATHY from me if you do that shit and end up one night with the beatdown. I don't believe in a (supposedly) loving couple getting to fisticuffs, and I believe in playing fair. If a man attacks a woman without physical provocation, then he should pay for that. A woman should be able to speak her mind and live her life without fear of attack. However, if you hit him first, and then end up with the smackdown, well, he still would be wrong, but maybe next time, girlfriend, you will keep your hands to yourself. My point is this - I have heard too many stories and seen all too often women getting mad and attacking a man by slapping, beating him with something, throwing things at him, and then getting all kinds of shocked and upset when the man finally turns around and beats her ass or inflicts some kind of injury to her trying to protect himself. Yes, men tend to be bigger and stronger and can do a lot more damage physically with their bare hands. No, a man should never strike a woman and if the argument gets too hot, he should walk away. BUT just like anything else, ladies, don't dish it out if you can't take it. Women should not feel they get a free pass to beat on a man because he is not supposed to hit her back. In joking around with The Hubby I often say that I'm not afraid of him - all 6ft. 260 pounds of him - and I shouldn't be. But by the same token I would never physically attack him and/or provoke him to the point where I might regret it (common sense to me - why risk a beating when I feed him and I know when he sleeps? That was a joke, BTW). When two adults love each other, physical altercations should NOT be happening. If a woman or a man needs to beat on their partner because they lack self-control, then they don't need each other. They need medication. And a therapist!
4. Octomom
My band couldn't wait to hear my thoughts on this heffa. I won't play Captain Obvious and call her all of the derogatory names she deserves, but frankly, I think they should remove ALL of the children from her care - she is obviously not stable. If they allow her to keep them all, the doctor that implanted those embryos should be forced to contribute to their upbringing since his lack of judgment (and I'm being kind) allowed this fiasco to happen. I'm assuming she'll be asking for government assistance, which PISSES me off, and I'm sure we'll all be paying the kids' med bills...and therapy when they grow up, too. She's doing the rounds trying to get people to send her money (if you send her a DIME then you must be smoking from the same pipe she is) and well, she's not getting a lot of sympathy, as well she shouldn't. With so many people suffering financial hardship she has the unmitigated gall to do what she did and then seek the reward of financial support from people who are barely keeping it together with the kids they once were able to afford? I feel terrible for her mother, who is spending her golden years changing the diapers of this brood (and I feel really bad for them - they're gonna have a rough way to go). But then again, maybe the mother enabled her daughter's mental shortcomings, and instead of getting her daughter help, let it come to this. Sure, there have always been people mooching off of the taxpayers/system but never with such publicized bravado. Hell, at least the Duggers have a TV show paying the bills of the 17 they've got! The guy who thinks he may be the sperm donor is now taking a test to determine if he is the dad, and if he is, says he wants to send money to help Octo-Fool out. Publicity-seeking putz. I wonder how his wife and 3 kids feel about a) having a sperm donor for a mate and dad, and b) him opening up his wallet to this nut. Dude - you've done enough. Seriously. Step away from the microphone, and realize that the worst thing you can do to yourself and your family is be publicly connected in any way to this mess. Zip up your pants, and move on!
I have my own work to do. It's bad enough people don't listen to the prompts when they call, push the wrong button, and then end up with me...then they're all pissy as if it's my fault they ended up in the wrong department. I transfer them to you, the person they need, so you can help them. Now, you're asking me 40 questions in the hopes that I looked up all their info up in YOUR system and can give you a blow-by-blow of their problem and make your life easy. You lazy shit - I gave you their name. I told you their issue. WTF? TAKE THE CALL AND DEAL WITH IT. If I going to get all of their info, dig deep into their problem, then I'm doing YOUR job, aren't I? When the tables are reversed, I'm lucky to get even a name out of you. Now you're grunting at me because heaven forbid, you have to do your job? The nerve - no wonder why your co-workers in your department have nothing nice to say about ya!
2. The college teacher that stopped a student's speech that was anti-Gay Marriage, called him "a fascist bastard", then denied him a grade.
My last Pet Peeve brought up a short discourse with my friend Scott about political hypocrisy, and, almost as if someone waved a magic wand, here is a prime example. The story as it has been reported so far: Student gets up to do a speech about why he is against Gay Marriage, citing religious reasons. Teacher stops him, demands he sit down, called him a "fascist bastard", and that if he wanted a grade for his speech, to 'ask God for it'. The student has since sued. To date, we do not know the content of the student's speech other than referencing the Bible; it is not revealed if the student said anything mean or hateful (if he had, I'm sure it would have been on YouTube already). So here's the thing about freedom of speech people: IT GOES BOTH WAYS. Unless the student was completely out of line, he is entitled to his opinion as much as anyone else. If those on the Left want to exercise their right to trash organized religion, trash the people who believe in the Bible or other religious texts, berate Conservative/Traditional people, and call people who don't agree with every aspect of their agenda all kinds of names, then they need to brace themselves when they get a dose of their own medicine. Freedom of speech applies to ALL Americans, no matter what it is, on whatever topic. While you don't have to agree with it, you cannot deny it. What really gets me is that this happened at a college - where ideas and opinions are supposed to be shared freely in the hopes of developing discourse and discussion for wisdom's sake. Again, barring a mean hate speech, the teacher should have let the student finish, and then he and the other students can question his stance. The teacher completely denied that opportunity for everyone involved, and regardless of your opinion on the subject, how is that right?
3. Physical abuse in a relationship.
The whole Rihanna/Chris Brown situation really brought relationship abuse into the spotlight. Sadly, there are abusers out there who consider women to be little more than punching bags with vaginas, and those guys need to be castrated and forced into slave labor. But here is where people may get a little pissed at me. Ladies, if physical fighting is something you dig (there are some of you who think it's 'hot'...because you're retarded) then know you get NO SYMPATHY from me if you do that shit and end up one night with the beatdown. I don't believe in a (supposedly) loving couple getting to fisticuffs, and I believe in playing fair. If a man attacks a woman without physical provocation, then he should pay for that. A woman should be able to speak her mind and live her life without fear of attack. However, if you hit him first, and then end up with the smackdown, well, he still would be wrong, but maybe next time, girlfriend, you will keep your hands to yourself. My point is this - I have heard too many stories and seen all too often women getting mad and attacking a man by slapping, beating him with something, throwing things at him, and then getting all kinds of shocked and upset when the man finally turns around and beats her ass or inflicts some kind of injury to her trying to protect himself. Yes, men tend to be bigger and stronger and can do a lot more damage physically with their bare hands. No, a man should never strike a woman and if the argument gets too hot, he should walk away. BUT just like anything else, ladies, don't dish it out if you can't take it. Women should not feel they get a free pass to beat on a man because he is not supposed to hit her back. In joking around with The Hubby I often say that I'm not afraid of him - all 6ft. 260 pounds of him - and I shouldn't be. But by the same token I would never physically attack him and/or provoke him to the point where I might regret it (common sense to me - why risk a beating when I feed him and I know when he sleeps? That was a joke, BTW). When two adults love each other, physical altercations should NOT be happening. If a woman or a man needs to beat on their partner because they lack self-control, then they don't need each other. They need medication. And a therapist!
4. Octomom
My band couldn't wait to hear my thoughts on this heffa. I won't play Captain Obvious and call her all of the derogatory names she deserves, but frankly, I think they should remove ALL of the children from her care - she is obviously not stable. If they allow her to keep them all, the doctor that implanted those embryos should be forced to contribute to their upbringing since his lack of judgment (and I'm being kind) allowed this fiasco to happen. I'm assuming she'll be asking for government assistance, which PISSES me off, and I'm sure we'll all be paying the kids' med bills...and therapy when they grow up, too. She's doing the rounds trying to get people to send her money (if you send her a DIME then you must be smoking from the same pipe she is) and well, she's not getting a lot of sympathy, as well she shouldn't. With so many people suffering financial hardship she has the unmitigated gall to do what she did and then seek the reward of financial support from people who are barely keeping it together with the kids they once were able to afford? I feel terrible for her mother, who is spending her golden years changing the diapers of this brood (and I feel really bad for them - they're gonna have a rough way to go). But then again, maybe the mother enabled her daughter's mental shortcomings, and instead of getting her daughter help, let it come to this. Sure, there have always been people mooching off of the taxpayers/system but never with such publicized bravado. Hell, at least the Duggers have a TV show paying the bills of the 17 they've got! The guy who thinks he may be the sperm donor is now taking a test to determine if he is the dad, and if he is, says he wants to send money to help Octo-Fool out. Publicity-seeking putz. I wonder how his wife and 3 kids feel about a) having a sperm donor for a mate and dad, and b) him opening up his wallet to this nut. Dude - you've done enough. Seriously. Step away from the microphone, and realize that the worst thing you can do to yourself and your family is be publicly connected in any way to this mess. Zip up your pants, and move on!
Pet Peeves #16 (posted approx. 1/25/09)
1. Etta James disses Beyonce for singing "At Last" at the Inauguration.
Make no mistake - Ella is one of the greats. "At last" is a classic, an American standard. Like many, I was surprised that Etta didn't sing her trademark song at the Inauguration, but instead Beyonce, who portrayed Etta in the recent movie "Cadillac Records", was asked to sing it . Now, in Etta's defense, I could understand her being pissed off - no one is going to sing it better than her, and as a performer who worked through hardship, prejudice and segregation it would have been very fitting for her to sing at the inauguration of this nation's first Black president. But no, the folks responsible for booking the event's talent went for a current megastar. If you have any conception of marketing, you can understand why they booked Beyonce instead of Etta. Many of the younger generation do not (or did not) know who Etta James is. Many folks thought she had passed away. Etta has a career and still performs with fine voice, but hasn't had a comparable hit since "At Last" (which, BTW was a cover song when she did it), so she was rather forgotten. But Beyonce, like it or not, is the biggest female star on the planet, and since the event already had Aretha Franklin for the older folks, Beyonce was brought in for the younger audience. Etta had the opportunity enjoy her re-discovery and, employing some poise, could have raised her own profile back up which would have meant new listeners, maybe some talk-show opportunities, new attendees at her concerts. But no. Instead she stated, "I can' t stand Beyonce" as well as making fun of Barack's ears. Tsk, tsk, Etta. That was TACKY. So now, instead of being remembered as an American vocal treasure, you will now be remembered as the bitter old hag that didn't have enough grace to enjoy the moment and then capitalize on it with class. And that's unfortunate. Speaking of tacky ...
2. Rush Limbaugh' four-word comment about Obama.
I've always felt that Rush was a pompous, egomaniac asshole who was more volume than substance (and yes, I do listen to him now and then to see if my opinion of him is has changed...it hasn't). It's unfortunate Rush is a little bitch-boy that can't handle the election losses. Instead of sucking it up, and reaching out to his listeners to keep their voices and values strong as we try to get our country back on its feet, what pearl of wisdom does he have to offer to his fellow countrymen and to a new President with all of the best intentions for his country?
"I hope he fails".
That's right. Rush Limbaugh, one of the 'love it or leave it' American bulldogs, one of those 'country above all' types who went along with the whole, 'if you're not supporting Dubya you're unpatriotic' crap, has the unmitigated gall to allow something so Anti-American fall out of his mouth. What is wrong with him? Why in the world would he be so stupid as to wish failure on a new president who is trying to get our country out the morass it's in? If he fails, Rush, you DUMBASS, the country fails! So all this time Rush must not have been as patriotic as he claims, because apparently his views and his agenda are more important than the nation he supposedly loves. So if Obama fails, and this country tanks, then what does Rush have planned? Moving to Canada? Oh, what in the world will the Dodderheads who ride his nuts do then? He may not like Obama, that is his right, but to wish failure before the man has a chance to really dig in shows a true lack of class and character...and loyalty to his country. I'm not even a Democrat and voted for Obama as the lesser of the two evils, and I was stunned at the comment. Rush is so hungry for attention, so desperate for the spotlight, that he will sink lower than an ant's ass for it. I will go as far as to call him a traitor. "My country right or wrong", right, Mr Limbaugh?
3. Faux, I mean, Fox News.
If Fox were a newspaper it would be great birdcage liner. Yes, every now and then they report something cool, but that's kinda rare. Anyhoo, recently, they bitched and moaned about Obama, saying he was out of line for saying bank executives making millions in salary should be capped at $500,000 while they are getting government bailout money. That Obama was going after the rich, he has no right, blah blah blah. Well, they looked like dicks when the million-dollar+ earning bank execs responded that if getting their salaries capped at $500k was a stipulation of receiving the bailout money, they would repay the bailout money in a year's time. YAHOO! So, the banks get their bailout cash, and they have a year to get their houses in order, AND they repay the taxpayer's money? What sucks about that? NOTHING. Look, I can appreciate the fact that at $500,000, the execs would be losing half their salary (and in some case it would be more than half). Since earning is relative - you spend what you earn - in theory it is no different than taking half of ANYONE'S salary. But the only way to keep these greedy fuckers honest is to hit THEM in the wallet personally, then they start remembering how to do their jobs. The reporter at Fox seemed to have a hitch in his throat while delivering that news...perhaps that was a little bit of crow. I would have loved to have been there to offer some milk to help it go down!
4. People who send around prank 'missing child' alerts
With children and young teens disappearing like a two-for-one at the local supermarket, what in the world would possess anyone to fake a 'missing child' scenario and pass it around as real? Parents and loved ones of truly missing people are desperate for any information that will get them back. Now some fucknut thinks it funny to make a fake one, and not only make fun of those people, but take advantage of the kindness of people who pass the information along in an attempt to help out? If you are the kind of person who thinks such dumb prank shit is cool or humorous just know that you are heartless, only one step above spammers, and should be publicly flogged or used in medical experiments.
Make no mistake - Ella is one of the greats. "At last" is a classic, an American standard. Like many, I was surprised that Etta didn't sing her trademark song at the Inauguration, but instead Beyonce, who portrayed Etta in the recent movie "Cadillac Records", was asked to sing it . Now, in Etta's defense, I could understand her being pissed off - no one is going to sing it better than her, and as a performer who worked through hardship, prejudice and segregation it would have been very fitting for her to sing at the inauguration of this nation's first Black president. But no, the folks responsible for booking the event's talent went for a current megastar. If you have any conception of marketing, you can understand why they booked Beyonce instead of Etta. Many of the younger generation do not (or did not) know who Etta James is. Many folks thought she had passed away. Etta has a career and still performs with fine voice, but hasn't had a comparable hit since "At Last" (which, BTW was a cover song when she did it), so she was rather forgotten. But Beyonce, like it or not, is the biggest female star on the planet, and since the event already had Aretha Franklin for the older folks, Beyonce was brought in for the younger audience. Etta had the opportunity enjoy her re-discovery and, employing some poise, could have raised her own profile back up which would have meant new listeners, maybe some talk-show opportunities, new attendees at her concerts. But no. Instead she stated, "I can' t stand Beyonce" as well as making fun of Barack's ears. Tsk, tsk, Etta. That was TACKY. So now, instead of being remembered as an American vocal treasure, you will now be remembered as the bitter old hag that didn't have enough grace to enjoy the moment and then capitalize on it with class. And that's unfortunate. Speaking of tacky ...
2. Rush Limbaugh' four-word comment about Obama.
I've always felt that Rush was a pompous, egomaniac asshole who was more volume than substance (and yes, I do listen to him now and then to see if my opinion of him is has changed...it hasn't). It's unfortunate Rush is a little bitch-boy that can't handle the election losses. Instead of sucking it up, and reaching out to his listeners to keep their voices and values strong as we try to get our country back on its feet, what pearl of wisdom does he have to offer to his fellow countrymen and to a new President with all of the best intentions for his country?
"I hope he fails".
That's right. Rush Limbaugh, one of the 'love it or leave it' American bulldogs, one of those 'country above all' types who went along with the whole, 'if you're not supporting Dubya you're unpatriotic' crap, has the unmitigated gall to allow something so Anti-American fall out of his mouth. What is wrong with him? Why in the world would he be so stupid as to wish failure on a new president who is trying to get our country out the morass it's in? If he fails, Rush, you DUMBASS, the country fails! So all this time Rush must not have been as patriotic as he claims, because apparently his views and his agenda are more important than the nation he supposedly loves. So if Obama fails, and this country tanks, then what does Rush have planned? Moving to Canada? Oh, what in the world will the Dodderheads who ride his nuts do then? He may not like Obama, that is his right, but to wish failure before the man has a chance to really dig in shows a true lack of class and character...and loyalty to his country. I'm not even a Democrat and voted for Obama as the lesser of the two evils, and I was stunned at the comment. Rush is so hungry for attention, so desperate for the spotlight, that he will sink lower than an ant's ass for it. I will go as far as to call him a traitor. "My country right or wrong", right, Mr Limbaugh?
3. Faux, I mean, Fox News.
If Fox were a newspaper it would be great birdcage liner. Yes, every now and then they report something cool, but that's kinda rare. Anyhoo, recently, they bitched and moaned about Obama, saying he was out of line for saying bank executives making millions in salary should be capped at $500,000 while they are getting government bailout money. That Obama was going after the rich, he has no right, blah blah blah. Well, they looked like dicks when the million-dollar+ earning bank execs responded that if getting their salaries capped at $500k was a stipulation of receiving the bailout money, they would repay the bailout money in a year's time. YAHOO! So, the banks get their bailout cash, and they have a year to get their houses in order, AND they repay the taxpayer's money? What sucks about that? NOTHING. Look, I can appreciate the fact that at $500,000, the execs would be losing half their salary (and in some case it would be more than half). Since earning is relative - you spend what you earn - in theory it is no different than taking half of ANYONE'S salary. But the only way to keep these greedy fuckers honest is to hit THEM in the wallet personally, then they start remembering how to do their jobs. The reporter at Fox seemed to have a hitch in his throat while delivering that news...perhaps that was a little bit of crow. I would have loved to have been there to offer some milk to help it go down!
4. People who send around prank 'missing child' alerts
With children and young teens disappearing like a two-for-one at the local supermarket, what in the world would possess anyone to fake a 'missing child' scenario and pass it around as real? Parents and loved ones of truly missing people are desperate for any information that will get them back. Now some fucknut thinks it funny to make a fake one, and not only make fun of those people, but take advantage of the kindness of people who pass the information along in an attempt to help out? If you are the kind of person who thinks such dumb prank shit is cool or humorous just know that you are heartless, only one step above spammers, and should be publicly flogged or used in medical experiments.
Pet Peeves #15 (originally posted approx. 12/15/08)
1. Bands and movie people that put audio/videos on a band's comments...& they auto-start!
Sure, put up a flyer. Okay, let us know abut that event, the stuff you sell. the upcoming festival featuring your indie flick. That's cool. But nothing says 'fuck you and what you're hawking than a video that auto-starts. Here's a newsflash - the only thing that should be audible on a band's page is THEIR MUSIC. Not your band's new song, not your new indie flick trailer. Wanna post a cool (and somehow relevant) video on a band's page? Make sure it doesn't start right away when the page loads. It's about respect. A band is on MySpace to get their music heard. MySpace is still a place for fans and industry people to find bands, and they may only give a band one chance to make an impression. So, ass-master, your video trailer has started just when Industry person was stopping by to hear a song...and you just ruined it. Thanks a lot, DOUCHE, I'm sure Industry Person LOVED the trailer/band song medley. Take your trailer, fold it up really small and guess where I suggest you shove it.
2. People who did not suffer financially in 2008...and had to let everyone who did know about it.
Believe me when I say I'm happy for you. I really am. 2008 sucked big time money-wise for millions of people (including myself), but I would never be resentful of anyone who did alright for themselves financially this year. But a little modesty on your part would really be appreciated, okay? I really don't want to hear about your expensive (and extensive) vacation at some exclusive resort in the Caribbean or your top-dollar 10-day cruise when I'm barely scraping by. Or how much that mega-party cost that had foie gras for an appetizer when I've been eating fucking pork-and-beans and pasta for the last two weeks. Oh, and here you come talking about the thousands you spent for Christmas. Because this year sucked harder than a two-dollar hooker, we didn't even put up a tree, so I while I will smile as you ramble on about how you have not one, but 3 Christmas trees in your house and you needed two SUV's to get your gifts home, know that I'm not hatin' on you as much I don't appreciate your lack of tact in such difficult times. Sure, you may not know my situation. But in this bah-humbag-broke-ass environment that has left a pall over your co-workers that were lucky enough to keep their jobs, know that what you're doing amounts to rubbing it in. And that is just thoughtless :(
3. People who never digest the fact that Politicians will be Politicians, no matter what party they represent.
Reading through postings in Blabbermouth can be funny, dumbfounding or just dumb. Yesterday, I read where Henry Rollins said he had faith in Barack Obama. Now, it should be apparent that he must have been asked this question, but again, as I have mentioned in an earlier Pet Peeve, some regular folks hate when famous people exercise their God and Country given right to express a political opinion for whatever reason. Anyhoo, one dude on there got a hair up his ass and went on and on about who much he hates Obama and his supporters and the lies that were told about him so he could win his campaign, insulting anyone that didn't agree, blah blah blah *yeeeawn*. Of course not acknowledging the lies and dirty tricks that were implemented by the Bush campaign or Presidency or any other lies told during all previous campaigns and Presidencies. My point is this: Politics is a dirty business. Politicians lie. Politics are about personal power. Newsflash: The election is over Republican Right-Wingers, and for now you have to just get the hell over it. If you get proven right, goody for you. If you get proven wrong, you'll look like a jackass. I'm an Independent, and I have the same opinion of Liberal Democrats who are over-zealous in their crucifixion of certain people who don't agree with their views. Extreme people cannot be trusted to be fair. Period. So shut the fuck up already. Sit back, have a drink, and watch 'n' wait. That's all we all can do for now!
4. Sports Chumps Charles Barkely, Eric Mangini & some Patriot fans.
Finally, people are seeing what I saw ages ago about the above three. Charles Barkely is a pompous, hypocritical, idiotic blowhard. He just got busted for DUI but this is only the tip of the iceberg for his stupidity and loose lips. Every time he opens his mouth or does something retarded he erodes what greatness on the court he once possessed. Now he's just a sorry, bitter old man with worse judgment than a 17 year old boy. He won't get fired from his sportscaster job, though. I can't imagine what this fool has to do to get the boot already. Eric Mangini did not have what it took to lead the New York Jets to anything of significance and I said so as soon as they hired him. He squandered a season in which we should have at least made the playoffs with some of the worst play calls and just a lack of passion and leadership. As for some (yes, I said SOME) Patriot fans, they were happy as most Jets fans when Mangini got the boot. Not because he was a poor coach (he was), but they felt it he got what he deserved for "ratting out" his former team - the Patriots - for cheating. For cheating. Are we kidding? The Pats got caught cheating, and instead of sucking it up, they blame the guy that reported them? That's class and sportsmanship right there! Save the argument about how "all teams do it"; maybe they do. But no wonder why there is so little honor in Sports these days :(
5. More Sports: That fool that ran out onto the field and tackled Junior Seau
First of all, WTF was he thinking? Second of all, the guy came down out of the stands and sucker-tackled Junior. That dude should have gotten his fucking clock cleaned and thankfully, a teammate of Junior gave this idiot a nice crunching. Even better, the team revoked his seat (he was a season ticket holder). What blew my mind were the fans on Fox Sports who said that Junior was washed up anyway, what was the big deal, and they shouldn't have taken the dude's seat away. Haters, all! Seriously, when did Sports fans get this moronic? These people have got to lay off the crack. Here are some caps for ya: SPECTATORS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE FIELD OF PLAY OF ANY SPORT FOR ANY REASON. What about this do people not understand? Why does it have to be explained to adults that this rule is in place for their safety and the safety of the players? How do we know that this idiot didn't plan to harm Junior in some way? I don't care how small the Internet has made the world and how many no-talents get nationwide fame due to Reality TV and YouTube, some barriers are there for very good reason. Besides safety in general there is the reality that people are crazy. Just look at the freak who stabbed Monica Seles or, of course, that asshole that stormed the stage and killed Dimebag. Whether it's a deep love, deep hatred or deep resentment that it isn't you making the millions with your talentless ass, keep your pathetic butt off the field, court, or stage. If you get on there and get hurt or killed I don't feel the least bit sorry for you. Want fame? Get a talent. Want money? Go earn it honest. Creeps who do dumb, no talent 'look-at-me' shit or try to get famous people to hurt them so they can sue should be castrated/have their tubes tied so they can't reproduce and further dumb down the world.
Sure, put up a flyer. Okay, let us know abut that event, the stuff you sell. the upcoming festival featuring your indie flick. That's cool. But nothing says 'fuck you and what you're hawking than a video that auto-starts. Here's a newsflash - the only thing that should be audible on a band's page is THEIR MUSIC. Not your band's new song, not your new indie flick trailer. Wanna post a cool (and somehow relevant) video on a band's page? Make sure it doesn't start right away when the page loads. It's about respect. A band is on MySpace to get their music heard. MySpace is still a place for fans and industry people to find bands, and they may only give a band one chance to make an impression. So, ass-master, your video trailer has started just when Industry person was stopping by to hear a song...and you just ruined it. Thanks a lot, DOUCHE, I'm sure Industry Person LOVED the trailer/band song medley. Take your trailer, fold it up really small and guess where I suggest you shove it.
2. People who did not suffer financially in 2008...and had to let everyone who did know about it.
Believe me when I say I'm happy for you. I really am. 2008 sucked big time money-wise for millions of people (including myself), but I would never be resentful of anyone who did alright for themselves financially this year. But a little modesty on your part would really be appreciated, okay? I really don't want to hear about your expensive (and extensive) vacation at some exclusive resort in the Caribbean or your top-dollar 10-day cruise when I'm barely scraping by. Or how much that mega-party cost that had foie gras for an appetizer when I've been eating fucking pork-and-beans and pasta for the last two weeks. Oh, and here you come talking about the thousands you spent for Christmas. Because this year sucked harder than a two-dollar hooker, we didn't even put up a tree, so I while I will smile as you ramble on about how you have not one, but 3 Christmas trees in your house and you needed two SUV's to get your gifts home, know that I'm not hatin' on you as much I don't appreciate your lack of tact in such difficult times. Sure, you may not know my situation. But in this bah-humbag-broke-ass environment that has left a pall over your co-workers that were lucky enough to keep their jobs, know that what you're doing amounts to rubbing it in. And that is just thoughtless :(
3. People who never digest the fact that Politicians will be Politicians, no matter what party they represent.
Reading through postings in Blabbermouth can be funny, dumbfounding or just dumb. Yesterday, I read where Henry Rollins said he had faith in Barack Obama. Now, it should be apparent that he must have been asked this question, but again, as I have mentioned in an earlier Pet Peeve, some regular folks hate when famous people exercise their God and Country given right to express a political opinion for whatever reason. Anyhoo, one dude on there got a hair up his ass and went on and on about who much he hates Obama and his supporters and the lies that were told about him so he could win his campaign, insulting anyone that didn't agree, blah blah blah *yeeeawn*. Of course not acknowledging the lies and dirty tricks that were implemented by the Bush campaign or Presidency or any other lies told during all previous campaigns and Presidencies. My point is this: Politics is a dirty business. Politicians lie. Politics are about personal power. Newsflash: The election is over Republican Right-Wingers, and for now you have to just get the hell over it. If you get proven right, goody for you. If you get proven wrong, you'll look like a jackass. I'm an Independent, and I have the same opinion of Liberal Democrats who are over-zealous in their crucifixion of certain people who don't agree with their views. Extreme people cannot be trusted to be fair. Period. So shut the fuck up already. Sit back, have a drink, and watch 'n' wait. That's all we all can do for now!
4. Sports Chumps Charles Barkely, Eric Mangini & some Patriot fans.
Finally, people are seeing what I saw ages ago about the above three. Charles Barkely is a pompous, hypocritical, idiotic blowhard. He just got busted for DUI but this is only the tip of the iceberg for his stupidity and loose lips. Every time he opens his mouth or does something retarded he erodes what greatness on the court he once possessed. Now he's just a sorry, bitter old man with worse judgment than a 17 year old boy. He won't get fired from his sportscaster job, though. I can't imagine what this fool has to do to get the boot already. Eric Mangini did not have what it took to lead the New York Jets to anything of significance and I said so as soon as they hired him. He squandered a season in which we should have at least made the playoffs with some of the worst play calls and just a lack of passion and leadership. As for some (yes, I said SOME) Patriot fans, they were happy as most Jets fans when Mangini got the boot. Not because he was a poor coach (he was), but they felt it he got what he deserved for "ratting out" his former team - the Patriots - for cheating. For cheating. Are we kidding? The Pats got caught cheating, and instead of sucking it up, they blame the guy that reported them? That's class and sportsmanship right there! Save the argument about how "all teams do it"; maybe they do. But no wonder why there is so little honor in Sports these days :(
5. More Sports: That fool that ran out onto the field and tackled Junior Seau
First of all, WTF was he thinking? Second of all, the guy came down out of the stands and sucker-tackled Junior. That dude should have gotten his fucking clock cleaned and thankfully, a teammate of Junior gave this idiot a nice crunching. Even better, the team revoked his seat (he was a season ticket holder). What blew my mind were the fans on Fox Sports who said that Junior was washed up anyway, what was the big deal, and they shouldn't have taken the dude's seat away. Haters, all! Seriously, when did Sports fans get this moronic? These people have got to lay off the crack. Here are some caps for ya: SPECTATORS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE FIELD OF PLAY OF ANY SPORT FOR ANY REASON. What about this do people not understand? Why does it have to be explained to adults that this rule is in place for their safety and the safety of the players? How do we know that this idiot didn't plan to harm Junior in some way? I don't care how small the Internet has made the world and how many no-talents get nationwide fame due to Reality TV and YouTube, some barriers are there for very good reason. Besides safety in general there is the reality that people are crazy. Just look at the freak who stabbed Monica Seles or, of course, that asshole that stormed the stage and killed Dimebag. Whether it's a deep love, deep hatred or deep resentment that it isn't you making the millions with your talentless ass, keep your pathetic butt off the field, court, or stage. If you get on there and get hurt or killed I don't feel the least bit sorry for you. Want fame? Get a talent. Want money? Go earn it honest. Creeps who do dumb, no talent 'look-at-me' shit or try to get famous people to hurt them so they can sue should be castrated/have their tubes tied so they can't reproduce and further dumb down the world.
Pet Peeves #14 - (originally posted 11/10/08)
People who buy 4x4 trucks & slow to a damn-near stop to go over speed bumps.
Seriously? What didja buy the thing for? Newsflash: The whole point of a truck is to easily handle bumpy things. If you're going crawl over speedbumps, you should have bought a Pinto and not cause accidents by stopping your schoolbus-sized SUV short to daintily pop over speedbumps. You are a doofus.
People who can't keep their word.
For the freakin' love, people, don't make promises you can't keep. Don't say you'll take care of something and then don't. Especially when I offered to take care of it or help you do it. Okay? There are people out there that want to take credit for doing something so they can be a martyr or get some kind of extra credit, but when it comes down to actually getting it done, they don't. So instead of looking responsible and capable they look like an ass and now it's a crisis that I end up handling anyway. Thanks for nothing. If you weren't going to do it, Why the fuck did you waste your breath and my time? This is why I hate leaving important tasks for others to do, because I know that no matter how much sleep I lose, how much I sacrifice, if I've made a commitment, I'm going to follow through because someone is counting on me to keep my word. Sadly, others aren't as diligent, and this past week the old adage 'if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself' proved itself once again. People, understand this: If you're not up to a task asked of you by someone, say so. You'll be respected a helluva lot more for being able to admit as much then, than let someone down completely when they counted on you!
People who make simple tasks complicated.
Life is complicated enough. Life throws enough curveballs. You always have to expect the unexpected, especially when it comes to something really important. DO NOT take something that is fool-proof, requires simple common-sense execution and make it any more difficult than it needs to be, okay? Maybe you're a masochist and this is how you have to function in order to have the required self-inflicted chaos in your life, but don't include me and the shit I need to get done in that process. I like having some foresight and getting things done in a orderly, timely fashion with as little bullshit as possible, and I have little patience for those who think there is some sort of miracle alternative. THERE ISN'T. Things may not go as planned, but if you at least HAD a plan and tried sticking to it, it's amazing what additional headaches you will manage to avoid. I don't like being unprepared and end up the one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Maybe you think that's fun, but it isn't. It's just STUPID. If this is how you function as a rule, let me know early on that your life is sailing along on a wing and a prayer before we plan anything together more complicated than dinner.
People who have a problem with dogs living inside houses with their humans.
I was on this board where a couple of people went on about how dogs only belong outside because of how disgusting they are, how they lick each other, loose hair, etc. etc. what burns my biscuits even more are those people who feel that way...and have small children (the most disgusting, dirt-encrusted, germ-spreading creatures EVER no matter how cute they are) and cats (especially those humans who allow their cats outside). Are we kidding? A cat licks himself too - and all over, I might add - and do I even have to bring up the whole litterbox situation? Ick. Very hypocritical. Sure, dogs may sniff or lick another dog's butt and then want to lick your face to show their submission and affection as their instinct dictates, but here's another newsflash (wow, two newsflashes in one Pet Peeve, go me) you don't have to let them. The other thing that gets my panties in a bunch are the people who go on about how disgusting dogs are because of the whole ass-to-face factor. I just wanna ask - honey, where was YOUR face an hour ago? Wasn't it square up YOUR man's ass during the love gymnastics? And just where did you stick that finger last? Did you wash your hands after that elephant-like dump you just took? Hmmm? I love crusty, nasty humans who think their stink and filth is better than an animal. Loose hair? I've come across people who shed like wild yaks and have their hair all over the place, but apparently, that's okay. Bullshit. As I wrote in response, "I would rather be in a house with a clean, silent, well-behaved pet than be in a house full of disgusting, ill-mannered humans and their kids. Period!" Yup.
Britney.
I was rooting for her to make a comeback. I really was. She's had a tough couple of years and people have had waaay too much fun kicking her while she was down and she had my sympathy. Like many others, I was suckered into watching some of the MTV interview with her and after killing some viable brain cells I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't deserve a comeback. She doesn't. If you take away what made her a star, and took away her beauty and her money she is no different from any other dumb, self-destructive, finger-pointing, low-class trollop who continues to make bad choices but will blame everyone else but herself for her situation. She says she is a smart person, but it's pretty apparent she isn't. I do feel that her level of fame would make anyone a little nuts (e.g. Michael Jackson) and the paparazzi are completely out of control and contributed to the loss of her grip on reality. However it doesn't change the 'stuck-on-stupid' she is. She has the money and resources to be able to handle things better, but she'd rather go shopping and go to Starbucks than try to deal with her issues. She is now blaming her ex for certain things regarding their childrens' upbringing and says they need 'a father figure'. Um, no, they need a mother who isn't an idiot. And P.S. - he has custody, not you, because you lost custody for being unfit, so maybe you should leave that subject alone, okay? No, K-Fed/Fed Ex is no prize, but you got urped by him anyway - twice - right? This is exactly why stupid people should not be allowed to breed no matter how much money they have *coughParisHiltoncough*. Oh, and I loved it when she said people "shave their heads all the time". WHAT? Really? Women adding hair, yes. Shaving their head frequently? Not so much. Good Lawd, what is wrong with this girl? Britney, good luck with the comeback - many talented people never get the chance at all much less a second chance. But until you get a really good shrink and get your shit right, you'll be back in the psych ward drooling and babbling before you finish your next tour, and all of the money, makeup artists, hair extensions and songwriters won't help cushion the fall.
Seriously? What didja buy the thing for? Newsflash: The whole point of a truck is to easily handle bumpy things. If you're going crawl over speedbumps, you should have bought a Pinto and not cause accidents by stopping your schoolbus-sized SUV short to daintily pop over speedbumps. You are a doofus.
People who can't keep their word.
For the freakin' love, people, don't make promises you can't keep. Don't say you'll take care of something and then don't. Especially when I offered to take care of it or help you do it. Okay? There are people out there that want to take credit for doing something so they can be a martyr or get some kind of extra credit, but when it comes down to actually getting it done, they don't. So instead of looking responsible and capable they look like an ass and now it's a crisis that I end up handling anyway. Thanks for nothing. If you weren't going to do it, Why the fuck did you waste your breath and my time? This is why I hate leaving important tasks for others to do, because I know that no matter how much sleep I lose, how much I sacrifice, if I've made a commitment, I'm going to follow through because someone is counting on me to keep my word. Sadly, others aren't as diligent, and this past week the old adage 'if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself' proved itself once again. People, understand this: If you're not up to a task asked of you by someone, say so. You'll be respected a helluva lot more for being able to admit as much then, than let someone down completely when they counted on you!
People who make simple tasks complicated.
Life is complicated enough. Life throws enough curveballs. You always have to expect the unexpected, especially when it comes to something really important. DO NOT take something that is fool-proof, requires simple common-sense execution and make it any more difficult than it needs to be, okay? Maybe you're a masochist and this is how you have to function in order to have the required self-inflicted chaos in your life, but don't include me and the shit I need to get done in that process. I like having some foresight and getting things done in a orderly, timely fashion with as little bullshit as possible, and I have little patience for those who think there is some sort of miracle alternative. THERE ISN'T. Things may not go as planned, but if you at least HAD a plan and tried sticking to it, it's amazing what additional headaches you will manage to avoid. I don't like being unprepared and end up the one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Maybe you think that's fun, but it isn't. It's just STUPID. If this is how you function as a rule, let me know early on that your life is sailing along on a wing and a prayer before we plan anything together more complicated than dinner.
People who have a problem with dogs living inside houses with their humans.
I was on this board where a couple of people went on about how dogs only belong outside because of how disgusting they are, how they lick each other, loose hair, etc. etc. what burns my biscuits even more are those people who feel that way...and have small children (the most disgusting, dirt-encrusted, germ-spreading creatures EVER no matter how cute they are) and cats (especially those humans who allow their cats outside). Are we kidding? A cat licks himself too - and all over, I might add - and do I even have to bring up the whole litterbox situation? Ick. Very hypocritical. Sure, dogs may sniff or lick another dog's butt and then want to lick your face to show their submission and affection as their instinct dictates, but here's another newsflash (wow, two newsflashes in one Pet Peeve, go me) you don't have to let them. The other thing that gets my panties in a bunch are the people who go on about how disgusting dogs are because of the whole ass-to-face factor. I just wanna ask - honey, where was YOUR face an hour ago? Wasn't it square up YOUR man's ass during the love gymnastics? And just where did you stick that finger last? Did you wash your hands after that elephant-like dump you just took? Hmmm? I love crusty, nasty humans who think their stink and filth is better than an animal. Loose hair? I've come across people who shed like wild yaks and have their hair all over the place, but apparently, that's okay. Bullshit. As I wrote in response, "I would rather be in a house with a clean, silent, well-behaved pet than be in a house full of disgusting, ill-mannered humans and their kids. Period!" Yup.
Britney.
I was rooting for her to make a comeback. I really was. She's had a tough couple of years and people have had waaay too much fun kicking her while she was down and she had my sympathy. Like many others, I was suckered into watching some of the MTV interview with her and after killing some viable brain cells I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't deserve a comeback. She doesn't. If you take away what made her a star, and took away her beauty and her money she is no different from any other dumb, self-destructive, finger-pointing, low-class trollop who continues to make bad choices but will blame everyone else but herself for her situation. She says she is a smart person, but it's pretty apparent she isn't. I do feel that her level of fame would make anyone a little nuts (e.g. Michael Jackson) and the paparazzi are completely out of control and contributed to the loss of her grip on reality. However it doesn't change the 'stuck-on-stupid' she is. She has the money and resources to be able to handle things better, but she'd rather go shopping and go to Starbucks than try to deal with her issues. She is now blaming her ex for certain things regarding their childrens' upbringing and says they need 'a father figure'. Um, no, they need a mother who isn't an idiot. And P.S. - he has custody, not you, because you lost custody for being unfit, so maybe you should leave that subject alone, okay? No, K-Fed/Fed Ex is no prize, but you got urped by him anyway - twice - right? This is exactly why stupid people should not be allowed to breed no matter how much money they have *coughParisHiltoncough*. Oh, and I loved it when she said people "shave their heads all the time". WHAT? Really? Women adding hair, yes. Shaving their head frequently? Not so much. Good Lawd, what is wrong with this girl? Britney, good luck with the comeback - many talented people never get the chance at all much less a second chance. But until you get a really good shrink and get your shit right, you'll be back in the psych ward drooling and babbling before you finish your next tour, and all of the money, makeup artists, hair extensions and songwriters won't help cushion the fall.
Pet Peeves #13 - (originally posted approx. 11/2/08)
WTF? Why can't famous people have an opinion?
I love it when dumbasses say things like, "So and so is just an actor/musician, why would they think their opinion matters?" It amazes me how retarded people can be. Just because someone acts or otherwise performs in some entertainment medium, they can't have an opinion on anything of significance? Why not? Every person on this planet is entitled to their opinion and can voice it by any means necessary. If I had the ability and the celebrity to champion a cause I felt strongly about and it gets media play, why wouldn't I take advantage of that? There are plenty of people who have dumb opinions who aren't celebrities, so why is their take acceptable? Because no one gives a shit who they are? C'mon. I bring this up because Doc Coyle of the band God Forbid made no bones of his dislike of John McCain. Following a political debate, Doc, in a column he writes, called McCain a racist. This got posted on Blabbermouth.net, eliciting responses from the usual gang of idiots that post under dumb names and probably keep a pee bottle by their computer so they don't have to miss a post the second one goes up. They were ragging Doc, saying he was stupid, and he was a dumb musician and his band sucks so why would anyone care what he thinks, blah blah blah. I love the ones that call him stupid, but then say they were purposely going to vote for McCain just because Doc said not to. That was real intelligent and displays some serious forward-thinking there, lollipop! How old are you? And we wonder why other countries laugh at us.
PULL UP YOUR DAMN PANTS!
Some cities have begun issuing tickets for the asscrack attack known as 'baggin', and I LOVE it! This is a shoutout to those 'baggin' mofuckas who feel that they can't be seen in the street unless their back pockets are warming the backs of their knees. Why is this considered cool? Why hasn't this appalling trend died already? I don't care if you wear boxers or briefs, and not for nothin', I don't care what brand they are. If you are ugly and you have any ugly ass, I wouldn't care if the brand was Versace and the waistband is lined with diamonds. It's called having some class...and buying a belt. Once I saw two baggin' Fred Durst wannabes crossing Woodhaven Blvd. and I took great pleasure in slamming on the gas watching them grabbing their pants up and trying to run (one ended up cleaning the left side of my car with his butt. Awesome). No wonder bigger guys can't find any pants that fit - morons who wear size 34 are buying 40's so we can see their Vertical Coinslot. PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP, or I swear, I'm gonna start going on a Wedgie Rampage with a pair of pliers.
Too much cologne!
I like a man that smells good. But guys, really, you don't have to bathe in or drink the stuff in order for it to be effective, okay? I sat behind this guy on the bus the other day and he had on so much cologne it snapped my head back. DUDE! C'MON! He had so much on, it's was literally burning my nostrils from the fumes. This wasn't just a one-day event either, we take the same bus home and he overdoes it with the manperfume EVERY DAY. Look, I'd rather smell a little bit of a hard day's work on a man than be choked by his cologne. If your natural aroma is that bad, homie, then take midday bird bath in the bathroom, k? And if you must put on cologne, seriously - a dab will do ya!
Stupid names
Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson welcomed a new baby into the world. The name given to the long-awaited child? Bronx Mowgli. Geez. Of course you have the other dumb names given to celeb children like Pilot Inspektor, Zuma, Brooklyn, Kal-el, Romeo, Apple and Reign Beau. I guess celebs figure since the kid will be set for life and will live in a protective bubble they don't have to worry about what other people think or will treat them. Unlike...
...Stupid Ghetto Names. My people. Seriously. You don't have to name your child Jane Doe but fer shit's sake, what are some of you thinking? I believe it was Chris Rock who once said (and yes, I'm paraphrasing) "Why would you name your kid something like that? At least let the kid get TO the job interview!". With so many White employers coming right out and saying they'd rather hire a White, uneducated ex-con than an educated, never-incarcerated Black man, why would you name your kid Daykwan Marquis or LaQuita Emerald knowing once an employer sees that on a resume, ain't making that call? My least favorite ghetto name ever was bestowed on a football player - D'Brickashaw. WTF is that? WHYWHYWHY? Good thing he was lucky enough to go professional, huh? My new least favorite female name was just found yesterday. Le-a. No, it's not pronounced Leah, Lea or Leeya. It's LEDASHA. That's right, because to quote the mother, "the dash don't be silent".
Jesus H. Christ, make it stop.
My name? No, it didn't top the Popular Girls Name list, but it's been around for centuries. Doesn't make it any less odd, but it ain't DUMB, like a former co-worker who named his child Anquette Mahogany. No, I'm not kidding. Wanna be different? Okay, find an uncommon name that actually exists in a baby name book; stop combining your name and the baby daddy name because it's two times the stupid, stop doing that pseudo-French shit and give anything that starts with "La" and "Da" a rest. I understand that you want your child to be considered special and unique (don't you wanna slap someone who actually names their kid "Unique"?), but it really just screams "low-income-uneducated-minority". If that's what you're going for, then maybe you should set your sights a little higher...at least for the kid's sake.
I love it when dumbasses say things like, "So and so is just an actor/musician, why would they think their opinion matters?" It amazes me how retarded people can be. Just because someone acts or otherwise performs in some entertainment medium, they can't have an opinion on anything of significance? Why not? Every person on this planet is entitled to their opinion and can voice it by any means necessary. If I had the ability and the celebrity to champion a cause I felt strongly about and it gets media play, why wouldn't I take advantage of that? There are plenty of people who have dumb opinions who aren't celebrities, so why is their take acceptable? Because no one gives a shit who they are? C'mon. I bring this up because Doc Coyle of the band God Forbid made no bones of his dislike of John McCain. Following a political debate, Doc, in a column he writes, called McCain a racist. This got posted on Blabbermouth.net, eliciting responses from the usual gang of idiots that post under dumb names and probably keep a pee bottle by their computer so they don't have to miss a post the second one goes up. They were ragging Doc, saying he was stupid, and he was a dumb musician and his band sucks so why would anyone care what he thinks, blah blah blah. I love the ones that call him stupid, but then say they were purposely going to vote for McCain just because Doc said not to. That was real intelligent and displays some serious forward-thinking there, lollipop! How old are you? And we wonder why other countries laugh at us.
PULL UP YOUR DAMN PANTS!
Some cities have begun issuing tickets for the asscrack attack known as 'baggin', and I LOVE it! This is a shoutout to those 'baggin' mofuckas who feel that they can't be seen in the street unless their back pockets are warming the backs of their knees. Why is this considered cool? Why hasn't this appalling trend died already? I don't care if you wear boxers or briefs, and not for nothin', I don't care what brand they are. If you are ugly and you have any ugly ass, I wouldn't care if the brand was Versace and the waistband is lined with diamonds. It's called having some class...and buying a belt. Once I saw two baggin' Fred Durst wannabes crossing Woodhaven Blvd. and I took great pleasure in slamming on the gas watching them grabbing their pants up and trying to run (one ended up cleaning the left side of my car with his butt. Awesome). No wonder bigger guys can't find any pants that fit - morons who wear size 34 are buying 40's so we can see their Vertical Coinslot. PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP, or I swear, I'm gonna start going on a Wedgie Rampage with a pair of pliers.
Too much cologne!
I like a man that smells good. But guys, really, you don't have to bathe in or drink the stuff in order for it to be effective, okay? I sat behind this guy on the bus the other day and he had on so much cologne it snapped my head back. DUDE! C'MON! He had so much on, it's was literally burning my nostrils from the fumes. This wasn't just a one-day event either, we take the same bus home and he overdoes it with the manperfume EVERY DAY. Look, I'd rather smell a little bit of a hard day's work on a man than be choked by his cologne. If your natural aroma is that bad, homie, then take midday bird bath in the bathroom, k? And if you must put on cologne, seriously - a dab will do ya!
Stupid names
Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson welcomed a new baby into the world. The name given to the long-awaited child? Bronx Mowgli. Geez. Of course you have the other dumb names given to celeb children like Pilot Inspektor, Zuma, Brooklyn, Kal-el, Romeo, Apple and Reign Beau. I guess celebs figure since the kid will be set for life and will live in a protective bubble they don't have to worry about what other people think or will treat them. Unlike...
...Stupid Ghetto Names. My people. Seriously. You don't have to name your child Jane Doe but fer shit's sake, what are some of you thinking? I believe it was Chris Rock who once said (and yes, I'm paraphrasing) "Why would you name your kid something like that? At least let the kid get TO the job interview!". With so many White employers coming right out and saying they'd rather hire a White, uneducated ex-con than an educated, never-incarcerated Black man, why would you name your kid Daykwan Marquis or LaQuita Emerald knowing once an employer sees that on a resume, ain't making that call? My least favorite ghetto name ever was bestowed on a football player - D'Brickashaw. WTF is that? WHYWHYWHY? Good thing he was lucky enough to go professional, huh? My new least favorite female name was just found yesterday. Le-a. No, it's not pronounced Leah, Lea or Leeya. It's LEDASHA. That's right, because to quote the mother, "the dash don't be silent".
Jesus H. Christ, make it stop.
My name? No, it didn't top the Popular Girls Name list, but it's been around for centuries. Doesn't make it any less odd, but it ain't DUMB, like a former co-worker who named his child Anquette Mahogany. No, I'm not kidding. Wanna be different? Okay, find an uncommon name that actually exists in a baby name book; stop combining your name and the baby daddy name because it's two times the stupid, stop doing that pseudo-French shit and give anything that starts with "La" and "Da" a rest. I understand that you want your child to be considered special and unique (don't you wanna slap someone who actually names their kid "Unique"?), but it really just screams "low-income-uneducated-minority". If that's what you're going for, then maybe you should set your sights a little higher...at least for the kid's sake.
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