1. People who fancy-up common names...then get mad when you don't say it their way.
No, my name is not common and nine times out of ten people are going to say it wrong. I've learned to live with it - it's not their fault my name isn't Lisa. While my name is not common, there are some common names that have a standard pronunciation and some people just have to get all prissy with it, then get all pissy when you get it wrong. For example: The name Alicia. Pronounced AH-lee-sha. Standard. Alicia Silverstone would get all testy when they didn't call her ah-LEE-SEE-ah. Oh, poo poo. Recently I got a file and the contact name on it was Diane. So, of course, I call up and ask for Diane, standard pronunciation. Before I could even finish saying it she jumped all over me - "EXCUSE ME it's pronounced 'DEE-ahn' (like Dionne - and like I was supposed to know this). I could picture her sticking her nose up in the air as she corrected me. Really? Can we say, 'off to a bad start'? Maybe she pictures herself as some sort of big deal. Hopefully she can picture me rolling my eyes.
2. Musicians with WAY too high of an opinion of themselves.
I'll try and keep this short because I could go all day with this one. Over the years I have met some incredible musicians who are also wonderful people, but I have also had the displeasure of dealing with jerks who think that stinky feces, putting their pants on one leg at a time, and treating people with respect is something lesser people have to do. Let's get it in perspective people, right the fuck right now. Unless you are playing the Garden, The Coliseum, The Beacon or places like Nokia or Blender, you are NOBODY. Unless you been featured on WonderWall, or appeared at least once on Hilton Perez's website, or are mentioned on TMZ, you are NOBODY. Unless your face is in Rolling Stone, Revolver, hell, even Hit Parader, you are NOBODY. Okay? I include myself in that. If you ARE playing bars, small local venues and weddings you may be very good, even great and sadly undiscovered, but you ARE NOT A ROCK STAR SO PLEASE LEAVE THAT DIVA/DIVO SHIT AT HOME IN FRONT OF YOUR MIRROR. I'm all for not taking any crap from a mean bar owner, cranky bartenders and making sure you're paid as agreed, but there is difference between making sure you get treated respectfully and just being a flat-out pompous my-shit-don't-stink-so-you-best-kiss-my-ass self-important DOUCHEBAG who thinks that every time they walk into a venue with a guitar it's everyone's cue to suck up to you like you're the fifth fucking Beatle. Newsflash: YOU'RE NOT. Again: YOU. ARE. NOT. Every promoter that books you could easily book someone else. Every place you play may not be all that impressed with you. Every artist you play with in your scene are your peers. So lose the attitude, because even though nice guys may finish last, I bet they get more - and better - gigs than you because they don't show up at a small local bar with a rider, treat everyone there like servants, and don't whine about every little thing. GET OVER YOURSELF. Got it? Good :)
3. Make the fucking commitment!
Nothing drives me up a damn tree faster than a bear with a stick of dynamite up its ass than people who can't make a commitment or make up their mind about things that aren't complex. They hem and haw, procrastinate with no respect for the time and schedule of others. I swear, I would rather have someone be completely honest with me and say that I'm a low priority and last resort when their other options run out, rather than waste my time when I could have asked someone else or planned something else. If I thought enough of you to approach you about something time-sensitive, then think enough of me to let me move onto my other options so I don't get screwed or lose out on something else. It's about respect, people!
4. That MySpace 'Pop out' IM doohickey at the bottom right of the screen.
That is even more annoying than that dumb ad with the bouncing chick in pink with the golf club. STOP. IT. NOW. Stop slowing me up with that annoying ass thing that looks like a blue mosquito every time I scroll down! If I wanna IM someone, I'll do it, dammit!'
5. Folks who get mad at others for not hanging out on the Internet on their terms.
There are some folks out there that get a bit of a 'tude when people have to either cut back on their Internet time or just don't have time to read and respond to every blog or mess with those app doohickeys. Please understand that I would love nothing more than to hang out and Internet-socialize as much as I used to, post more blogs and maybe even learn to play Mafia Wars. But right now I work two friggin' jobs. Two. I'm sorry that right now I can only put up a couple of bulletins, do an email or two and then have to bail. I'm sure you would rather get a thoughtful reply to your stuff when I do get a chance to really read it, than just a one-sentence robotic response just so it's there. That's superficial. One things slow down I'll be back on point. Hell, I've been drafting this Pet Peeves since JULY LOL...Cut me a break!
6. Snarky-ass kids.
Many linguists have opined about the death of the English language. There was a time when if we wanted to get a glimpse into what was going through the mind of a soldier or a politician or just a regular civilian all we had to do was look at old letters and journals featuring proper English and a lot of it was damn-near poetic. Now, nobody handwrites anything, but our dictionaries now sports terms such as 'bootylicious' and 'pornfolio'. IMs and texts have reduced the need to know how to spell or put a sentence together, and by default if we can't express it in a certain amount of characters or less, we're outta luck. Now, I'm afraid this abbreviated sense of communication has filtered down to the younger generation. They seem to have lost the ability to verbally communicate, not only with any sort of feeling or expression but also with a scant amount of respect. Since they no longer seem to know or care about how to address someone, many communicate as if they are giving orders to a small animal, and also with an air of snottiness that is truly uncalled for. Is it just me? Am I just getting old? Or is it because someone has passed a certain age they are no longer deserving of being treated with any sort of respect by brats barely old enough to drink? I really feel that future generations will only be able to communicate in person with grunting and pointing. Hopefully, I'll be dead by then.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Pet Peeves #19 (originally posted approx. 5/1/09)
1. Let it f*ck go already!
I have this relative by marriage that gets under my skin. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. He's intelligent, he's living comfortably and he takes good care of my relative. Thing is, he's one of those guys that think they know the answer to everything, especially when it comes to YOUR life. He loves to sit in his house and potentate about how he made all the right decisions and you made all the wrong ones. But he's gonna give you a break - if you follow his direction your life would be just perfect. It's a no-win situation - if you follow his advice you'll always owe him something and if you don't, he'll always be there to rub your errors (or what HE thinks are your errors) in your face. When it comes to me, he doesn't like my husband (believe me, the feeling is mutual) and feels that I made a mistake in marrying him. Now, mind you, he wasn't around while The Hubby and I were dating (1988-1992), and wasn't around when we got married (1992-now - this guy married my relative in the late 90's). Most people would think that a husband who is intelligent, hard-working, caring, supportive and gives his wife virtually unlimited freedoms would be a good catch. This dude-in-law doesn't agree - and every time I'm in his house longer than an hour and he gets to drinking I have to dodge catty, veiled remarks and unnecessary comments about how I could do better and how my husband is deliberately keeping me away from my relative, etc. If it sounds retarded and out of line, IT IS. We literally came to blows about it once. No, I'm not proud of that moment, but I don't regret it either. Most of you who know me personally know that I'd rather work it out than fight, but I WILL kick your ass if you intentionally push me to the breaking point. That night he did.
Soooo...a coupla years later we reached a truce. I apologized for going upside his head in his own house and he apologized for being a dick. My relative and I became closer than ever and we really have been enjoying each other's company. I still try to avoid staying around her husband any longer than necessary especially if he's drinking. But this past weekend, I stayed longer than I should have...and then homeboy goes right back into bully mode about my life. I was surprised, but politely advised that I'm very happy. I'm saying this while gathering my things at warp speed, even my relative looked exasperated and embarrassed. He was starting to needle me and I had to basically RUN out of the front door.
DUDE. You are on wife NUMBER THREE. THREE! Yet you think you're some sort of marriage counselor? Are we kidding? Secondly, I don't tell you what's going on in my life, so you don't know enough to comment. Mind your own business! Lastly, my husband isn't keeping me away from my relative, YOU ARE. Let it f*ck go already!
2. No, it's not funny and karma is a bitch.
As some of you know, The Hubby and I were packing up to move to Texas a couple of years ago. A fella named Matt worked remotely from Texas for The Hubby's job, and while they talked now and then, they started talking more often as our proposed move date got closer. He was a nice guy with a wife, two daughters and his son from a previous marriage. He and The Hubby talked about getting together once we made it to Texas (sadly, we didn't make it to Texas). Yesterday, we got the news that he had murdered his son and then killed himself. A passerby found the bodies :( Matt was doing well as far as everyone knew. He became born-again and seemed happy with that choice. He was working but also had a side business with his wife that was doing well. So well, in fact, he had quit The Hubby's job just two weeks ago. So to get that kind of news is not just horrible, but unexpected.
Now the douchebags at my husband's job just think it's all a hoot. Cracking jokes like, "This is what happens when you get Born Again!" and, "Well, he wanted to meet God...yukyukyuk". WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? This is a tragedy! We may NEVER know or understand what made him decide to take his own life and take his son with him, but to joke about it? Is your life so perfect? Have you no heart? Maybe you don't care about ever meeting your maker because you apparently have NO SOUL.
Karma's a bitch. Matt - R.I.P., and all the best to your surviving family.
3. Jesus H. Christ, you can't POSSIBLY be that stupid.
Sadly, this person is. I can't even describe too much of the situation without it being apparent who it is about, so I won't get all cryptic. Here's the bottom line: People are dysfunctional, but love should not be. I would like to think that love is at its best when two people get together and the best of them is amplified while the worst of them is acknowledged, yet managed. Love should not involve abuse. Love should not involve injury or jail. When you have to turn off the thinking part of your brain in order to be with someone, a bell should be going off. When all of your friends and colleagues practically beg you to run in the opposite direction of this person, a red flag should go up. Are you a masochist? Are you trying to push it to see how much you can handle? Is this your self-inflicted penance for the crappy way you've treated the opposite sex over the years? No, no one wants to be with you when you're with that person because we all hate what they've done and will continue to do to you. No one wants to be a witness to any more than they've already seen. This has the potential of being the mother of all train wrecks. But this time, I can't bear to watch.
4. You want a guarantee? Then guarantee you're not gonna suck! (This is long, y'all)
I never thought that I would be booking bands again at a venue. I've been booking a venue in Suffolk, Long Island and I am having fun booking up the schedule, meeting new musicians who aren't always Metal (in fact, most of them are not) and hanging out in a place that I really like. But the one thing I have NOT enjoyed is running into that infamous brick wall on Long Island known as The Cover Band With The Guarantee. If you're reading this, you know I'm a musician (if ya didn't, now ya know LOL). I have been playing for longer than some of you readers have been alive, have shared the stage with popular acts, gotten compliments on my playing from the merely famous to legends. But even now, when my band plays, we work for the door deal, whatever it is. As good as we are, whether it's our own songs or covers, we hustle and promote, not just because we want everyone to know who we are, but we know the more people we bring, the more money we make. It keeps us hungry, it keep us from slacking and shortchanging the promoters and venues that were kind enough to book us. When traveling we ask for something to cover our expenses, but we realize we're not Iron Maiden. We do know that if we knock your socks off, you'll want us back, which gives us room to negotiate because we've proven ourselves.
Too bad some bands out here haven't learned that lesson. I would NEVER begrudge any band who is excellent and fortunate enough to play in establishments that are in the position to pay them a $300-$600 guarantee for playing other people's music. Good for you, and this rant isn't necessarily directed at you. This rant IS directed at those bands who flat-out fucking suck but have the unmitigated gall to ask for a guarantee, and those who forgot that while you should conduct your band like a business, that playing music, especially when you are NOT doing it for a living, is supposed to be fun.
I have had the displeasure over the last few weeks of getting CDs or links from cover bands that were so awful they made me throw up a little in my mouth. Instead of doing a Simon Cowell and delivering the painful truth ("dude, your band fucking sucks") my 'out' is to advise that the venue is unable at this time to pay a guarantee. Which is the truth - it isn't. The venue lost their cabaret license for a bit, and the owner took it up the ass to get it back. In the meantime, people found someplace else to go. Aside from a great place and staff, hopefully I'm a piece of the puzzle that will bring the club back to form. But shit ain't like that right now, and I am not in the mood to listen to supposedly grown-ass people whine about getting a guarantee before they bring up why we should book them at all. Musicians should be grateful that a club owner wants to stick it out and support live music when he could have said 'fuck this' and let yet another place close or just maintain a jukebox.
Guarantees are based on the fact that an establishment or event has a built-in/captive crowd filling the coffers for you to be paid out of. Some venues just have not been able to cultivate a substantial "regular" crowd don't have the extra cash to throw at a band. They have to hustle to attract a crowd, and every dollar counts. No, the venue does not want to pay you 1/3 of what is in the register when you really didn't bring anyone and you certainly didn't promote. My favorite was the band that described it's supposed greatness in all caps, and then presented a show rider describing their needs for the evening like they were motherfucking U2. Are we kidding? I have to mention that they had two shows booked when I contacted them...and I purposely watched them NOT promote either show at all, which proves my point that many bands who get a guarantee have no incentive to promote the gig, so they don't. I also love the bands that insist upon being the only act for the night. I suggested that I could put them on at 10:30pm, and they could play as long as they liked, but I would be putting two compatible bands on the bill ahead of them. They refused, saying that they, 'didn't do things that way'. Hey asshole! EVEN THE BIGGEST MUSIC STARS HAVE OPENING ACTS. Who the fuck do you think you are? Seriously! Another hoot are the ones who say, "well, we're not kids anymore..." as if a) I'm supposed to give a shit, and b) as if I'm supposed to just pay you for surviving up to whatever age you are now. Not my issue! My issue is whether or not you're going to sound good and bring people into the venue. The rest is BULLSHIT that I don't care about!
I totally understand the desire to be paid a flat fee to play for a change - for a gigging musician, it doesn't happen often. I think guaranteeing the band will be paid something is awesome. But there are so many bands out there that aren't good that shouldn't be booked anywhere, much less for a fee. Plus, the reluctance of a band to suck it up the first time at a venue they've never played before boggles my mind. Why wouldn't you want to show you are worth the money and the block of time allotted? Your cover band is the shit? Prove it! Play a show for me on my terms once or twice and if you live up to your hype then we can talk about a guarantee. But why should I risk losing money and perhaps scaring off patrons just on your word? I don't care how well you draw or how much you can command somewhere else. If you can't do well FOR ME and you are not good, it means NOTHING.
So far, every band that has played for this venue I've been booking are very willing to come back again. Myself and my booking buddy bring in good artists for the patrons, we get a cut for our hard work, the bands get paid more than we said we would pay them, and the bar makes some money. Everyone wins, everyone goes home happy. And that's how it should be.
I hope that at some point once we weed out the weak, and the place is so crowded on the regular it's asshole to elbow. Then I can offer bands a definite amount plus some from the door. But of course, that offer will be extended to those bands that normally get a guarantee, but did the door thing once or twice to prove themselves, and the bands that played without bitching, were not egomaniacs, and weren't a pain in the ass. It will be my pleasure to give those bands cash when they come in the door and more when they leave. But the venue will never get to that point if we have to pay unworthy bands who don't promote a few hundred dollars to play the same cover songs we hear all the time...poorly.
I know, some cover bands out there are saying, 'well, everyone gets paid for their work, so the band should get paid too and we have every right to demand what we think we're worth'. Fine. But sometimes the perspective is skewed. The barmaid gets paid for slinging drinks and putting up with your shit because it's her job. The delivery guy got paid because there was a demand for what's he bringing. I want musicians who live to play and see every gig as an opportunity, not a job. Plus, is there a demand for you? If you truly believe in your talent and your support system of fans, friends and promo skills them you should not be afraid to show that there is and make me foam at the mouth to book you and pay your fee.
Lastly, if you're going to be a cover band and expect to be paid, BE GREAT or go home (and not being a dick counts, too). There are HUNDREDS of cover bands who all want a guarantee, and if I have to pay someone, it's gonna be the band that I KNOW is GREAT and who isn't going to be butt-munch. Period.
Providing and playing live music in a friendly, comfortable venue should be fun, and I will do my damndest to keep it that way as much as I can. If you're with that and willing to work with me, then we can roll. If not...oh well.
I have this relative by marriage that gets under my skin. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. He's intelligent, he's living comfortably and he takes good care of my relative. Thing is, he's one of those guys that think they know the answer to everything, especially when it comes to YOUR life. He loves to sit in his house and potentate about how he made all the right decisions and you made all the wrong ones. But he's gonna give you a break - if you follow his direction your life would be just perfect. It's a no-win situation - if you follow his advice you'll always owe him something and if you don't, he'll always be there to rub your errors (or what HE thinks are your errors) in your face. When it comes to me, he doesn't like my husband (believe me, the feeling is mutual) and feels that I made a mistake in marrying him. Now, mind you, he wasn't around while The Hubby and I were dating (1988-1992), and wasn't around when we got married (1992-now - this guy married my relative in the late 90's). Most people would think that a husband who is intelligent, hard-working, caring, supportive and gives his wife virtually unlimited freedoms would be a good catch. This dude-in-law doesn't agree - and every time I'm in his house longer than an hour and he gets to drinking I have to dodge catty, veiled remarks and unnecessary comments about how I could do better and how my husband is deliberately keeping me away from my relative, etc. If it sounds retarded and out of line, IT IS. We literally came to blows about it once. No, I'm not proud of that moment, but I don't regret it either. Most of you who know me personally know that I'd rather work it out than fight, but I WILL kick your ass if you intentionally push me to the breaking point. That night he did.
Soooo...a coupla years later we reached a truce. I apologized for going upside his head in his own house and he apologized for being a dick. My relative and I became closer than ever and we really have been enjoying each other's company. I still try to avoid staying around her husband any longer than necessary especially if he's drinking. But this past weekend, I stayed longer than I should have...and then homeboy goes right back into bully mode about my life. I was surprised, but politely advised that I'm very happy. I'm saying this while gathering my things at warp speed, even my relative looked exasperated and embarrassed. He was starting to needle me and I had to basically RUN out of the front door.
DUDE. You are on wife NUMBER THREE. THREE! Yet you think you're some sort of marriage counselor? Are we kidding? Secondly, I don't tell you what's going on in my life, so you don't know enough to comment. Mind your own business! Lastly, my husband isn't keeping me away from my relative, YOU ARE. Let it f*ck go already!
2. No, it's not funny and karma is a bitch.
As some of you know, The Hubby and I were packing up to move to Texas a couple of years ago. A fella named Matt worked remotely from Texas for The Hubby's job, and while they talked now and then, they started talking more often as our proposed move date got closer. He was a nice guy with a wife, two daughters and his son from a previous marriage. He and The Hubby talked about getting together once we made it to Texas (sadly, we didn't make it to Texas). Yesterday, we got the news that he had murdered his son and then killed himself. A passerby found the bodies :( Matt was doing well as far as everyone knew. He became born-again and seemed happy with that choice. He was working but also had a side business with his wife that was doing well. So well, in fact, he had quit The Hubby's job just two weeks ago. So to get that kind of news is not just horrible, but unexpected.
Now the douchebags at my husband's job just think it's all a hoot. Cracking jokes like, "This is what happens when you get Born Again!" and, "Well, he wanted to meet God...yukyukyuk". WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? This is a tragedy! We may NEVER know or understand what made him decide to take his own life and take his son with him, but to joke about it? Is your life so perfect? Have you no heart? Maybe you don't care about ever meeting your maker because you apparently have NO SOUL.
Karma's a bitch. Matt - R.I.P., and all the best to your surviving family.
3. Jesus H. Christ, you can't POSSIBLY be that stupid.
Sadly, this person is. I can't even describe too much of the situation without it being apparent who it is about, so I won't get all cryptic. Here's the bottom line: People are dysfunctional, but love should not be. I would like to think that love is at its best when two people get together and the best of them is amplified while the worst of them is acknowledged, yet managed. Love should not involve abuse. Love should not involve injury or jail. When you have to turn off the thinking part of your brain in order to be with someone, a bell should be going off. When all of your friends and colleagues practically beg you to run in the opposite direction of this person, a red flag should go up. Are you a masochist? Are you trying to push it to see how much you can handle? Is this your self-inflicted penance for the crappy way you've treated the opposite sex over the years? No, no one wants to be with you when you're with that person because we all hate what they've done and will continue to do to you. No one wants to be a witness to any more than they've already seen. This has the potential of being the mother of all train wrecks. But this time, I can't bear to watch.
4. You want a guarantee? Then guarantee you're not gonna suck! (This is long, y'all)
I never thought that I would be booking bands again at a venue. I've been booking a venue in Suffolk, Long Island and I am having fun booking up the schedule, meeting new musicians who aren't always Metal (in fact, most of them are not) and hanging out in a place that I really like. But the one thing I have NOT enjoyed is running into that infamous brick wall on Long Island known as The Cover Band With The Guarantee. If you're reading this, you know I'm a musician (if ya didn't, now ya know LOL). I have been playing for longer than some of you readers have been alive, have shared the stage with popular acts, gotten compliments on my playing from the merely famous to legends. But even now, when my band plays, we work for the door deal, whatever it is. As good as we are, whether it's our own songs or covers, we hustle and promote, not just because we want everyone to know who we are, but we know the more people we bring, the more money we make. It keeps us hungry, it keep us from slacking and shortchanging the promoters and venues that were kind enough to book us. When traveling we ask for something to cover our expenses, but we realize we're not Iron Maiden. We do know that if we knock your socks off, you'll want us back, which gives us room to negotiate because we've proven ourselves.
Too bad some bands out here haven't learned that lesson. I would NEVER begrudge any band who is excellent and fortunate enough to play in establishments that are in the position to pay them a $300-$600 guarantee for playing other people's music. Good for you, and this rant isn't necessarily directed at you. This rant IS directed at those bands who flat-out fucking suck but have the unmitigated gall to ask for a guarantee, and those who forgot that while you should conduct your band like a business, that playing music, especially when you are NOT doing it for a living, is supposed to be fun.
I have had the displeasure over the last few weeks of getting CDs or links from cover bands that were so awful they made me throw up a little in my mouth. Instead of doing a Simon Cowell and delivering the painful truth ("dude, your band fucking sucks") my 'out' is to advise that the venue is unable at this time to pay a guarantee. Which is the truth - it isn't. The venue lost their cabaret license for a bit, and the owner took it up the ass to get it back. In the meantime, people found someplace else to go. Aside from a great place and staff, hopefully I'm a piece of the puzzle that will bring the club back to form. But shit ain't like that right now, and I am not in the mood to listen to supposedly grown-ass people whine about getting a guarantee before they bring up why we should book them at all. Musicians should be grateful that a club owner wants to stick it out and support live music when he could have said 'fuck this' and let yet another place close or just maintain a jukebox.
Guarantees are based on the fact that an establishment or event has a built-in/captive crowd filling the coffers for you to be paid out of. Some venues just have not been able to cultivate a substantial "regular" crowd don't have the extra cash to throw at a band. They have to hustle to attract a crowd, and every dollar counts. No, the venue does not want to pay you 1/3 of what is in the register when you really didn't bring anyone and you certainly didn't promote. My favorite was the band that described it's supposed greatness in all caps, and then presented a show rider describing their needs for the evening like they were motherfucking U2. Are we kidding? I have to mention that they had two shows booked when I contacted them...and I purposely watched them NOT promote either show at all, which proves my point that many bands who get a guarantee have no incentive to promote the gig, so they don't. I also love the bands that insist upon being the only act for the night. I suggested that I could put them on at 10:30pm, and they could play as long as they liked, but I would be putting two compatible bands on the bill ahead of them. They refused, saying that they, 'didn't do things that way'. Hey asshole! EVEN THE BIGGEST MUSIC STARS HAVE OPENING ACTS. Who the fuck do you think you are? Seriously! Another hoot are the ones who say, "well, we're not kids anymore..." as if a) I'm supposed to give a shit, and b) as if I'm supposed to just pay you for surviving up to whatever age you are now. Not my issue! My issue is whether or not you're going to sound good and bring people into the venue. The rest is BULLSHIT that I don't care about!
I totally understand the desire to be paid a flat fee to play for a change - for a gigging musician, it doesn't happen often. I think guaranteeing the band will be paid something is awesome. But there are so many bands out there that aren't good that shouldn't be booked anywhere, much less for a fee. Plus, the reluctance of a band to suck it up the first time at a venue they've never played before boggles my mind. Why wouldn't you want to show you are worth the money and the block of time allotted? Your cover band is the shit? Prove it! Play a show for me on my terms once or twice and if you live up to your hype then we can talk about a guarantee. But why should I risk losing money and perhaps scaring off patrons just on your word? I don't care how well you draw or how much you can command somewhere else. If you can't do well FOR ME and you are not good, it means NOTHING.
So far, every band that has played for this venue I've been booking are very willing to come back again. Myself and my booking buddy bring in good artists for the patrons, we get a cut for our hard work, the bands get paid more than we said we would pay them, and the bar makes some money. Everyone wins, everyone goes home happy. And that's how it should be.
I hope that at some point once we weed out the weak, and the place is so crowded on the regular it's asshole to elbow. Then I can offer bands a definite amount plus some from the door. But of course, that offer will be extended to those bands that normally get a guarantee, but did the door thing once or twice to prove themselves, and the bands that played without bitching, were not egomaniacs, and weren't a pain in the ass. It will be my pleasure to give those bands cash when they come in the door and more when they leave. But the venue will never get to that point if we have to pay unworthy bands who don't promote a few hundred dollars to play the same cover songs we hear all the time...poorly.
I know, some cover bands out there are saying, 'well, everyone gets paid for their work, so the band should get paid too and we have every right to demand what we think we're worth'. Fine. But sometimes the perspective is skewed. The barmaid gets paid for slinging drinks and putting up with your shit because it's her job. The delivery guy got paid because there was a demand for what's he bringing. I want musicians who live to play and see every gig as an opportunity, not a job. Plus, is there a demand for you? If you truly believe in your talent and your support system of fans, friends and promo skills them you should not be afraid to show that there is and make me foam at the mouth to book you and pay your fee.
Lastly, if you're going to be a cover band and expect to be paid, BE GREAT or go home (and not being a dick counts, too). There are HUNDREDS of cover bands who all want a guarantee, and if I have to pay someone, it's gonna be the band that I KNOW is GREAT and who isn't going to be butt-munch. Period.
Providing and playing live music in a friendly, comfortable venue should be fun, and I will do my damndest to keep it that way as much as I can. If you're with that and willing to work with me, then we can roll. If not...oh well.
Pet Peeves #18 (originally posted 3/18/09)
1. Ex Bandmate Drama
I don't care what band situation has you fighting with each other or how pissed you are at each other. There is absolutely no reason to sink lower than an ant's ass in a public forum and bring up very personal shit (and mention people who have ZERO to do with the situation) in view for others to speculate about. I very recently saw a back-and-forth between former bandmates, and while one was trying to be civil about it, the other one was definitely not, saying all kinds of mean, horrible things that had nothing to do with the matter at hand. The lack of class that person put on display was absolutely uncalled for, and I have lost ALL respect for that individual. ALL. There is a certain amount of respect that is owed to anyone you have a history with, and unless they beat you or did something so egregious it's unforgivable, there is duty to show discretion and restraint when it's apparent outsiders are going to hear or read about it. That was not the case here. As far as this person is concerned: Honey, this situation and two others I've heard about you make me sick, has given me some keen insight that I have taken to heart. You are a jackass, you are unreasonable and quite possibly insane. Actually, it was probably great that you posted what you did so others can see your true colors. This way, they have fair warning about what to expect when involved in any kind of relationship with you that isn't on your terms. Keep at it sunshine!
2. Reality Show music groups
I don't know why people endure these reality programs where pop groups are thrown together and then collapse soon after. OF COURSE it didn't work out! As anyone with any "group" type experience or, hell, with ANY kind of real life experience should know, a successful unit involves teamwork, and a good team, whether it's a office department or a band requires getting together, building an understanding of each other, and before a result is achieved (i.e. a successful product launch or a good CD) tinkering with the team until you get it right while building that widget or that signature sound. When you have a 4-5 people who are forced to work together without any prior relationship, communication, and without a true grasp of each other's strengths, weaknesses and capabilities there WILL be a breakdown very quickly at some very inconvenient point. Since these mostly immature youngsters have not built anything together, more than likely will not create anything together, and have no loyalty to each other, it is easy for members to get up and walk away because they have invested NOTHING into its success and therefore have nothing to lose. Period. I watched a few minutes of "Making the Band", and (aside from the fact that they are actually singing groups, NOT bands) I had to laugh at Diddy telling the two remaining girls from Danity Kane that they "needed to work it out" with the two girls he didn't fire. Hmmm. They didn't slap the group together for the sake of a buck, he did. They didn't choose their band mates, he did. They didn't choose their material, he did. They didn't have the time to assess each other's mentality and goals, so he should have for the sake of his product. He did due diligence to make sure he had a team together that could work well and efficiently in his office and on the show, but apparently that due diligence doesn't transcend to the music groups he coughs up for public consumption. Stuff likes this further dumbs down the music industry and trivializes what should make music electric - integrity and chemistry.
3. People who drive on the shoulder/hash when there's traffic.
You ASSHOLES. Yeah, you who acts as though no one's schedule matters except yours and you should be allowed to drive on the shoulder and dive in and out of traffic, cutting off people who are at their wits end because of the slowdown. You know, because everyone just LOVES to sit in traffic. You are not special, and unless your baby mama is about to give birth or your ass is on fire, merge like you're supposed to and keep your ass in a lane. It gives me great pleasure when a cop sits on the side, waiting for dicks like you to come speeding along the shoulder like it's an HOV lane and you try to squeeze your way back in. That's right - I won't let you in. Act like you want to hit me if you want to - you won't. You have a shiny new truck or car which is probably why you have such a shitty sense of entitlement. Me - I have a 2003 Volkswagen and I don't give a fuck. Try explaining to Mr. Officer you hit my car trying to dodge his ass on the hash. That'll go over real well. Call me what you want, but if I gotta sit and creep along at 5mph for 20 minutes because people gotta watch some noob get a ticket, you will too if I can help it, dammit!
4. Stupid Voice Mail
I'm not a fan of voice mail recordings as it is. You know, the ones where you have to press a button after leaving your message (stupid); the ones that say leave a message after the tone then rambles on for another minute before giving you the tone so you can get it the FUCK over with already (annoying), etc. But I heard one today that takes the cake and made me wanna throw my phone out of the window. I had to leave a detailed and very important message for a client and got his voice mail. I finally got to leave a message after about two minutes of Stupid Robotic Voice Message Lady rambling on. When leaving my voice message, I identified myself and took one breath...and was cut off by Stupid Robotic Voice Message Lady who says - and I shit you not - "you took a pause in your message. If you would like send this message as urgent, press one. If you would like make your message private, press two..." the option to re-record the message was OPTION SEVEN. Are we kidding? This happens THREE TIMES no matter how hard I try to run my sentences together. Now, I'm already pissed that the idiot client didn't send what he was supposed to and I'm wasting time even making this call, so now I'm ready to bite a nail in half. Want my help with your situation buddy? Well, we're already off to a bad start!
I don't care what band situation has you fighting with each other or how pissed you are at each other. There is absolutely no reason to sink lower than an ant's ass in a public forum and bring up very personal shit (and mention people who have ZERO to do with the situation) in view for others to speculate about. I very recently saw a back-and-forth between former bandmates, and while one was trying to be civil about it, the other one was definitely not, saying all kinds of mean, horrible things that had nothing to do with the matter at hand. The lack of class that person put on display was absolutely uncalled for, and I have lost ALL respect for that individual. ALL. There is a certain amount of respect that is owed to anyone you have a history with, and unless they beat you or did something so egregious it's unforgivable, there is duty to show discretion and restraint when it's apparent outsiders are going to hear or read about it. That was not the case here. As far as this person is concerned: Honey, this situation and two others I've heard about you make me sick, has given me some keen insight that I have taken to heart. You are a jackass, you are unreasonable and quite possibly insane. Actually, it was probably great that you posted what you did so others can see your true colors. This way, they have fair warning about what to expect when involved in any kind of relationship with you that isn't on your terms. Keep at it sunshine!
2. Reality Show music groups
I don't know why people endure these reality programs where pop groups are thrown together and then collapse soon after. OF COURSE it didn't work out! As anyone with any "group" type experience or, hell, with ANY kind of real life experience should know, a successful unit involves teamwork, and a good team, whether it's a office department or a band requires getting together, building an understanding of each other, and before a result is achieved (i.e. a successful product launch or a good CD) tinkering with the team until you get it right while building that widget or that signature sound. When you have a 4-5 people who are forced to work together without any prior relationship, communication, and without a true grasp of each other's strengths, weaknesses and capabilities there WILL be a breakdown very quickly at some very inconvenient point. Since these mostly immature youngsters have not built anything together, more than likely will not create anything together, and have no loyalty to each other, it is easy for members to get up and walk away because they have invested NOTHING into its success and therefore have nothing to lose. Period. I watched a few minutes of "Making the Band", and (aside from the fact that they are actually singing groups, NOT bands) I had to laugh at Diddy telling the two remaining girls from Danity Kane that they "needed to work it out" with the two girls he didn't fire. Hmmm. They didn't slap the group together for the sake of a buck, he did. They didn't choose their band mates, he did. They didn't choose their material, he did. They didn't have the time to assess each other's mentality and goals, so he should have for the sake of his product. He did due diligence to make sure he had a team together that could work well and efficiently in his office and on the show, but apparently that due diligence doesn't transcend to the music groups he coughs up for public consumption. Stuff likes this further dumbs down the music industry and trivializes what should make music electric - integrity and chemistry.
3. People who drive on the shoulder/hash when there's traffic.
You ASSHOLES. Yeah, you who acts as though no one's schedule matters except yours and you should be allowed to drive on the shoulder and dive in and out of traffic, cutting off people who are at their wits end because of the slowdown. You know, because everyone just LOVES to sit in traffic. You are not special, and unless your baby mama is about to give birth or your ass is on fire, merge like you're supposed to and keep your ass in a lane. It gives me great pleasure when a cop sits on the side, waiting for dicks like you to come speeding along the shoulder like it's an HOV lane and you try to squeeze your way back in. That's right - I won't let you in. Act like you want to hit me if you want to - you won't. You have a shiny new truck or car which is probably why you have such a shitty sense of entitlement. Me - I have a 2003 Volkswagen and I don't give a fuck. Try explaining to Mr. Officer you hit my car trying to dodge his ass on the hash. That'll go over real well. Call me what you want, but if I gotta sit and creep along at 5mph for 20 minutes because people gotta watch some noob get a ticket, you will too if I can help it, dammit!
4. Stupid Voice Mail
I'm not a fan of voice mail recordings as it is. You know, the ones where you have to press a button after leaving your message (stupid); the ones that say leave a message after the tone then rambles on for another minute before giving you the tone so you can get it the FUCK over with already (annoying), etc. But I heard one today that takes the cake and made me wanna throw my phone out of the window. I had to leave a detailed and very important message for a client and got his voice mail. I finally got to leave a message after about two minutes of Stupid Robotic Voice Message Lady rambling on. When leaving my voice message, I identified myself and took one breath...and was cut off by Stupid Robotic Voice Message Lady who says - and I shit you not - "you took a pause in your message. If you would like send this message as urgent, press one. If you would like make your message private, press two..." the option to re-record the message was OPTION SEVEN. Are we kidding? This happens THREE TIMES no matter how hard I try to run my sentences together. Now, I'm already pissed that the idiot client didn't send what he was supposed to and I'm wasting time even making this call, so now I'm ready to bite a nail in half. Want my help with your situation buddy? Well, we're already off to a bad start!
Pet Peeves #17 (posted approx. 2/1/10)
1. No, I'm not going to do your job for you.
I have my own work to do. It's bad enough people don't listen to the prompts when they call, push the wrong button, and then end up with me...then they're all pissy as if it's my fault they ended up in the wrong department. I transfer them to you, the person they need, so you can help them. Now, you're asking me 40 questions in the hopes that I looked up all their info up in YOUR system and can give you a blow-by-blow of their problem and make your life easy. You lazy shit - I gave you their name. I told you their issue. WTF? TAKE THE CALL AND DEAL WITH IT. If I going to get all of their info, dig deep into their problem, then I'm doing YOUR job, aren't I? When the tables are reversed, I'm lucky to get even a name out of you. Now you're grunting at me because heaven forbid, you have to do your job? The nerve - no wonder why your co-workers in your department have nothing nice to say about ya!
2. The college teacher that stopped a student's speech that was anti-Gay Marriage, called him "a fascist bastard", then denied him a grade.
My last Pet Peeve brought up a short discourse with my friend Scott about political hypocrisy, and, almost as if someone waved a magic wand, here is a prime example. The story as it has been reported so far: Student gets up to do a speech about why he is against Gay Marriage, citing religious reasons. Teacher stops him, demands he sit down, called him a "fascist bastard", and that if he wanted a grade for his speech, to 'ask God for it'. The student has since sued. To date, we do not know the content of the student's speech other than referencing the Bible; it is not revealed if the student said anything mean or hateful (if he had, I'm sure it would have been on YouTube already). So here's the thing about freedom of speech people: IT GOES BOTH WAYS. Unless the student was completely out of line, he is entitled to his opinion as much as anyone else. If those on the Left want to exercise their right to trash organized religion, trash the people who believe in the Bible or other religious texts, berate Conservative/Traditional people, and call people who don't agree with every aspect of their agenda all kinds of names, then they need to brace themselves when they get a dose of their own medicine. Freedom of speech applies to ALL Americans, no matter what it is, on whatever topic. While you don't have to agree with it, you cannot deny it. What really gets me is that this happened at a college - where ideas and opinions are supposed to be shared freely in the hopes of developing discourse and discussion for wisdom's sake. Again, barring a mean hate speech, the teacher should have let the student finish, and then he and the other students can question his stance. The teacher completely denied that opportunity for everyone involved, and regardless of your opinion on the subject, how is that right?
3. Physical abuse in a relationship.
The whole Rihanna/Chris Brown situation really brought relationship abuse into the spotlight. Sadly, there are abusers out there who consider women to be little more than punching bags with vaginas, and those guys need to be castrated and forced into slave labor. But here is where people may get a little pissed at me. Ladies, if physical fighting is something you dig (there are some of you who think it's 'hot'...because you're retarded) then know you get NO SYMPATHY from me if you do that shit and end up one night with the beatdown. I don't believe in a (supposedly) loving couple getting to fisticuffs, and I believe in playing fair. If a man attacks a woman without physical provocation, then he should pay for that. A woman should be able to speak her mind and live her life without fear of attack. However, if you hit him first, and then end up with the smackdown, well, he still would be wrong, but maybe next time, girlfriend, you will keep your hands to yourself. My point is this - I have heard too many stories and seen all too often women getting mad and attacking a man by slapping, beating him with something, throwing things at him, and then getting all kinds of shocked and upset when the man finally turns around and beats her ass or inflicts some kind of injury to her trying to protect himself. Yes, men tend to be bigger and stronger and can do a lot more damage physically with their bare hands. No, a man should never strike a woman and if the argument gets too hot, he should walk away. BUT just like anything else, ladies, don't dish it out if you can't take it. Women should not feel they get a free pass to beat on a man because he is not supposed to hit her back. In joking around with The Hubby I often say that I'm not afraid of him - all 6ft. 260 pounds of him - and I shouldn't be. But by the same token I would never physically attack him and/or provoke him to the point where I might regret it (common sense to me - why risk a beating when I feed him and I know when he sleeps? That was a joke, BTW). When two adults love each other, physical altercations should NOT be happening. If a woman or a man needs to beat on their partner because they lack self-control, then they don't need each other. They need medication. And a therapist!
4. Octomom
My band couldn't wait to hear my thoughts on this heffa. I won't play Captain Obvious and call her all of the derogatory names she deserves, but frankly, I think they should remove ALL of the children from her care - she is obviously not stable. If they allow her to keep them all, the doctor that implanted those embryos should be forced to contribute to their upbringing since his lack of judgment (and I'm being kind) allowed this fiasco to happen. I'm assuming she'll be asking for government assistance, which PISSES me off, and I'm sure we'll all be paying the kids' med bills...and therapy when they grow up, too. She's doing the rounds trying to get people to send her money (if you send her a DIME then you must be smoking from the same pipe she is) and well, she's not getting a lot of sympathy, as well she shouldn't. With so many people suffering financial hardship she has the unmitigated gall to do what she did and then seek the reward of financial support from people who are barely keeping it together with the kids they once were able to afford? I feel terrible for her mother, who is spending her golden years changing the diapers of this brood (and I feel really bad for them - they're gonna have a rough way to go). But then again, maybe the mother enabled her daughter's mental shortcomings, and instead of getting her daughter help, let it come to this. Sure, there have always been people mooching off of the taxpayers/system but never with such publicized bravado. Hell, at least the Duggers have a TV show paying the bills of the 17 they've got! The guy who thinks he may be the sperm donor is now taking a test to determine if he is the dad, and if he is, says he wants to send money to help Octo-Fool out. Publicity-seeking putz. I wonder how his wife and 3 kids feel about a) having a sperm donor for a mate and dad, and b) him opening up his wallet to this nut. Dude - you've done enough. Seriously. Step away from the microphone, and realize that the worst thing you can do to yourself and your family is be publicly connected in any way to this mess. Zip up your pants, and move on!
I have my own work to do. It's bad enough people don't listen to the prompts when they call, push the wrong button, and then end up with me...then they're all pissy as if it's my fault they ended up in the wrong department. I transfer them to you, the person they need, so you can help them. Now, you're asking me 40 questions in the hopes that I looked up all their info up in YOUR system and can give you a blow-by-blow of their problem and make your life easy. You lazy shit - I gave you their name. I told you their issue. WTF? TAKE THE CALL AND DEAL WITH IT. If I going to get all of their info, dig deep into their problem, then I'm doing YOUR job, aren't I? When the tables are reversed, I'm lucky to get even a name out of you. Now you're grunting at me because heaven forbid, you have to do your job? The nerve - no wonder why your co-workers in your department have nothing nice to say about ya!
2. The college teacher that stopped a student's speech that was anti-Gay Marriage, called him "a fascist bastard", then denied him a grade.
My last Pet Peeve brought up a short discourse with my friend Scott about political hypocrisy, and, almost as if someone waved a magic wand, here is a prime example. The story as it has been reported so far: Student gets up to do a speech about why he is against Gay Marriage, citing religious reasons. Teacher stops him, demands he sit down, called him a "fascist bastard", and that if he wanted a grade for his speech, to 'ask God for it'. The student has since sued. To date, we do not know the content of the student's speech other than referencing the Bible; it is not revealed if the student said anything mean or hateful (if he had, I'm sure it would have been on YouTube already). So here's the thing about freedom of speech people: IT GOES BOTH WAYS. Unless the student was completely out of line, he is entitled to his opinion as much as anyone else. If those on the Left want to exercise their right to trash organized religion, trash the people who believe in the Bible or other religious texts, berate Conservative/Traditional people, and call people who don't agree with every aspect of their agenda all kinds of names, then they need to brace themselves when they get a dose of their own medicine. Freedom of speech applies to ALL Americans, no matter what it is, on whatever topic. While you don't have to agree with it, you cannot deny it. What really gets me is that this happened at a college - where ideas and opinions are supposed to be shared freely in the hopes of developing discourse and discussion for wisdom's sake. Again, barring a mean hate speech, the teacher should have let the student finish, and then he and the other students can question his stance. The teacher completely denied that opportunity for everyone involved, and regardless of your opinion on the subject, how is that right?
3. Physical abuse in a relationship.
The whole Rihanna/Chris Brown situation really brought relationship abuse into the spotlight. Sadly, there are abusers out there who consider women to be little more than punching bags with vaginas, and those guys need to be castrated and forced into slave labor. But here is where people may get a little pissed at me. Ladies, if physical fighting is something you dig (there are some of you who think it's 'hot'...because you're retarded) then know you get NO SYMPATHY from me if you do that shit and end up one night with the beatdown. I don't believe in a (supposedly) loving couple getting to fisticuffs, and I believe in playing fair. If a man attacks a woman without physical provocation, then he should pay for that. A woman should be able to speak her mind and live her life without fear of attack. However, if you hit him first, and then end up with the smackdown, well, he still would be wrong, but maybe next time, girlfriend, you will keep your hands to yourself. My point is this - I have heard too many stories and seen all too often women getting mad and attacking a man by slapping, beating him with something, throwing things at him, and then getting all kinds of shocked and upset when the man finally turns around and beats her ass or inflicts some kind of injury to her trying to protect himself. Yes, men tend to be bigger and stronger and can do a lot more damage physically with their bare hands. No, a man should never strike a woman and if the argument gets too hot, he should walk away. BUT just like anything else, ladies, don't dish it out if you can't take it. Women should not feel they get a free pass to beat on a man because he is not supposed to hit her back. In joking around with The Hubby I often say that I'm not afraid of him - all 6ft. 260 pounds of him - and I shouldn't be. But by the same token I would never physically attack him and/or provoke him to the point where I might regret it (common sense to me - why risk a beating when I feed him and I know when he sleeps? That was a joke, BTW). When two adults love each other, physical altercations should NOT be happening. If a woman or a man needs to beat on their partner because they lack self-control, then they don't need each other. They need medication. And a therapist!
4. Octomom
My band couldn't wait to hear my thoughts on this heffa. I won't play Captain Obvious and call her all of the derogatory names she deserves, but frankly, I think they should remove ALL of the children from her care - she is obviously not stable. If they allow her to keep them all, the doctor that implanted those embryos should be forced to contribute to their upbringing since his lack of judgment (and I'm being kind) allowed this fiasco to happen. I'm assuming she'll be asking for government assistance, which PISSES me off, and I'm sure we'll all be paying the kids' med bills...and therapy when they grow up, too. She's doing the rounds trying to get people to send her money (if you send her a DIME then you must be smoking from the same pipe she is) and well, she's not getting a lot of sympathy, as well she shouldn't. With so many people suffering financial hardship she has the unmitigated gall to do what she did and then seek the reward of financial support from people who are barely keeping it together with the kids they once were able to afford? I feel terrible for her mother, who is spending her golden years changing the diapers of this brood (and I feel really bad for them - they're gonna have a rough way to go). But then again, maybe the mother enabled her daughter's mental shortcomings, and instead of getting her daughter help, let it come to this. Sure, there have always been people mooching off of the taxpayers/system but never with such publicized bravado. Hell, at least the Duggers have a TV show paying the bills of the 17 they've got! The guy who thinks he may be the sperm donor is now taking a test to determine if he is the dad, and if he is, says he wants to send money to help Octo-Fool out. Publicity-seeking putz. I wonder how his wife and 3 kids feel about a) having a sperm donor for a mate and dad, and b) him opening up his wallet to this nut. Dude - you've done enough. Seriously. Step away from the microphone, and realize that the worst thing you can do to yourself and your family is be publicly connected in any way to this mess. Zip up your pants, and move on!
Pet Peeves #16 (posted approx. 1/25/09)
1. Etta James disses Beyonce for singing "At Last" at the Inauguration.
Make no mistake - Ella is one of the greats. "At last" is a classic, an American standard. Like many, I was surprised that Etta didn't sing her trademark song at the Inauguration, but instead Beyonce, who portrayed Etta in the recent movie "Cadillac Records", was asked to sing it . Now, in Etta's defense, I could understand her being pissed off - no one is going to sing it better than her, and as a performer who worked through hardship, prejudice and segregation it would have been very fitting for her to sing at the inauguration of this nation's first Black president. But no, the folks responsible for booking the event's talent went for a current megastar. If you have any conception of marketing, you can understand why they booked Beyonce instead of Etta. Many of the younger generation do not (or did not) know who Etta James is. Many folks thought she had passed away. Etta has a career and still performs with fine voice, but hasn't had a comparable hit since "At Last" (which, BTW was a cover song when she did it), so she was rather forgotten. But Beyonce, like it or not, is the biggest female star on the planet, and since the event already had Aretha Franklin for the older folks, Beyonce was brought in for the younger audience. Etta had the opportunity enjoy her re-discovery and, employing some poise, could have raised her own profile back up which would have meant new listeners, maybe some talk-show opportunities, new attendees at her concerts. But no. Instead she stated, "I can' t stand Beyonce" as well as making fun of Barack's ears. Tsk, tsk, Etta. That was TACKY. So now, instead of being remembered as an American vocal treasure, you will now be remembered as the bitter old hag that didn't have enough grace to enjoy the moment and then capitalize on it with class. And that's unfortunate. Speaking of tacky ...
2. Rush Limbaugh' four-word comment about Obama.
I've always felt that Rush was a pompous, egomaniac asshole who was more volume than substance (and yes, I do listen to him now and then to see if my opinion of him is has changed...it hasn't). It's unfortunate Rush is a little bitch-boy that can't handle the election losses. Instead of sucking it up, and reaching out to his listeners to keep their voices and values strong as we try to get our country back on its feet, what pearl of wisdom does he have to offer to his fellow countrymen and to a new President with all of the best intentions for his country?
"I hope he fails".
That's right. Rush Limbaugh, one of the 'love it or leave it' American bulldogs, one of those 'country above all' types who went along with the whole, 'if you're not supporting Dubya you're unpatriotic' crap, has the unmitigated gall to allow something so Anti-American fall out of his mouth. What is wrong with him? Why in the world would he be so stupid as to wish failure on a new president who is trying to get our country out the morass it's in? If he fails, Rush, you DUMBASS, the country fails! So all this time Rush must not have been as patriotic as he claims, because apparently his views and his agenda are more important than the nation he supposedly loves. So if Obama fails, and this country tanks, then what does Rush have planned? Moving to Canada? Oh, what in the world will the Dodderheads who ride his nuts do then? He may not like Obama, that is his right, but to wish failure before the man has a chance to really dig in shows a true lack of class and character...and loyalty to his country. I'm not even a Democrat and voted for Obama as the lesser of the two evils, and I was stunned at the comment. Rush is so hungry for attention, so desperate for the spotlight, that he will sink lower than an ant's ass for it. I will go as far as to call him a traitor. "My country right or wrong", right, Mr Limbaugh?
3. Faux, I mean, Fox News.
If Fox were a newspaper it would be great birdcage liner. Yes, every now and then they report something cool, but that's kinda rare. Anyhoo, recently, they bitched and moaned about Obama, saying he was out of line for saying bank executives making millions in salary should be capped at $500,000 while they are getting government bailout money. That Obama was going after the rich, he has no right, blah blah blah. Well, they looked like dicks when the million-dollar+ earning bank execs responded that if getting their salaries capped at $500k was a stipulation of receiving the bailout money, they would repay the bailout money in a year's time. YAHOO! So, the banks get their bailout cash, and they have a year to get their houses in order, AND they repay the taxpayer's money? What sucks about that? NOTHING. Look, I can appreciate the fact that at $500,000, the execs would be losing half their salary (and in some case it would be more than half). Since earning is relative - you spend what you earn - in theory it is no different than taking half of ANYONE'S salary. But the only way to keep these greedy fuckers honest is to hit THEM in the wallet personally, then they start remembering how to do their jobs. The reporter at Fox seemed to have a hitch in his throat while delivering that news...perhaps that was a little bit of crow. I would have loved to have been there to offer some milk to help it go down!
4. People who send around prank 'missing child' alerts
With children and young teens disappearing like a two-for-one at the local supermarket, what in the world would possess anyone to fake a 'missing child' scenario and pass it around as real? Parents and loved ones of truly missing people are desperate for any information that will get them back. Now some fucknut thinks it funny to make a fake one, and not only make fun of those people, but take advantage of the kindness of people who pass the information along in an attempt to help out? If you are the kind of person who thinks such dumb prank shit is cool or humorous just know that you are heartless, only one step above spammers, and should be publicly flogged or used in medical experiments.
Make no mistake - Ella is one of the greats. "At last" is a classic, an American standard. Like many, I was surprised that Etta didn't sing her trademark song at the Inauguration, but instead Beyonce, who portrayed Etta in the recent movie "Cadillac Records", was asked to sing it . Now, in Etta's defense, I could understand her being pissed off - no one is going to sing it better than her, and as a performer who worked through hardship, prejudice and segregation it would have been very fitting for her to sing at the inauguration of this nation's first Black president. But no, the folks responsible for booking the event's talent went for a current megastar. If you have any conception of marketing, you can understand why they booked Beyonce instead of Etta. Many of the younger generation do not (or did not) know who Etta James is. Many folks thought she had passed away. Etta has a career and still performs with fine voice, but hasn't had a comparable hit since "At Last" (which, BTW was a cover song when she did it), so she was rather forgotten. But Beyonce, like it or not, is the biggest female star on the planet, and since the event already had Aretha Franklin for the older folks, Beyonce was brought in for the younger audience. Etta had the opportunity enjoy her re-discovery and, employing some poise, could have raised her own profile back up which would have meant new listeners, maybe some talk-show opportunities, new attendees at her concerts. But no. Instead she stated, "I can' t stand Beyonce" as well as making fun of Barack's ears. Tsk, tsk, Etta. That was TACKY. So now, instead of being remembered as an American vocal treasure, you will now be remembered as the bitter old hag that didn't have enough grace to enjoy the moment and then capitalize on it with class. And that's unfortunate. Speaking of tacky ...
2. Rush Limbaugh' four-word comment about Obama.
I've always felt that Rush was a pompous, egomaniac asshole who was more volume than substance (and yes, I do listen to him now and then to see if my opinion of him is has changed...it hasn't). It's unfortunate Rush is a little bitch-boy that can't handle the election losses. Instead of sucking it up, and reaching out to his listeners to keep their voices and values strong as we try to get our country back on its feet, what pearl of wisdom does he have to offer to his fellow countrymen and to a new President with all of the best intentions for his country?
"I hope he fails".
That's right. Rush Limbaugh, one of the 'love it or leave it' American bulldogs, one of those 'country above all' types who went along with the whole, 'if you're not supporting Dubya you're unpatriotic' crap, has the unmitigated gall to allow something so Anti-American fall out of his mouth. What is wrong with him? Why in the world would he be so stupid as to wish failure on a new president who is trying to get our country out the morass it's in? If he fails, Rush, you DUMBASS, the country fails! So all this time Rush must not have been as patriotic as he claims, because apparently his views and his agenda are more important than the nation he supposedly loves. So if Obama fails, and this country tanks, then what does Rush have planned? Moving to Canada? Oh, what in the world will the Dodderheads who ride his nuts do then? He may not like Obama, that is his right, but to wish failure before the man has a chance to really dig in shows a true lack of class and character...and loyalty to his country. I'm not even a Democrat and voted for Obama as the lesser of the two evils, and I was stunned at the comment. Rush is so hungry for attention, so desperate for the spotlight, that he will sink lower than an ant's ass for it. I will go as far as to call him a traitor. "My country right or wrong", right, Mr Limbaugh?
3. Faux, I mean, Fox News.
If Fox were a newspaper it would be great birdcage liner. Yes, every now and then they report something cool, but that's kinda rare. Anyhoo, recently, they bitched and moaned about Obama, saying he was out of line for saying bank executives making millions in salary should be capped at $500,000 while they are getting government bailout money. That Obama was going after the rich, he has no right, blah blah blah. Well, they looked like dicks when the million-dollar+ earning bank execs responded that if getting their salaries capped at $500k was a stipulation of receiving the bailout money, they would repay the bailout money in a year's time. YAHOO! So, the banks get their bailout cash, and they have a year to get their houses in order, AND they repay the taxpayer's money? What sucks about that? NOTHING. Look, I can appreciate the fact that at $500,000, the execs would be losing half their salary (and in some case it would be more than half). Since earning is relative - you spend what you earn - in theory it is no different than taking half of ANYONE'S salary. But the only way to keep these greedy fuckers honest is to hit THEM in the wallet personally, then they start remembering how to do their jobs. The reporter at Fox seemed to have a hitch in his throat while delivering that news...perhaps that was a little bit of crow. I would have loved to have been there to offer some milk to help it go down!
4. People who send around prank 'missing child' alerts
With children and young teens disappearing like a two-for-one at the local supermarket, what in the world would possess anyone to fake a 'missing child' scenario and pass it around as real? Parents and loved ones of truly missing people are desperate for any information that will get them back. Now some fucknut thinks it funny to make a fake one, and not only make fun of those people, but take advantage of the kindness of people who pass the information along in an attempt to help out? If you are the kind of person who thinks such dumb prank shit is cool or humorous just know that you are heartless, only one step above spammers, and should be publicly flogged or used in medical experiments.
Pet Peeves #15 (originally posted approx. 12/15/08)
1. Bands and movie people that put audio/videos on a band's comments...& they auto-start!
Sure, put up a flyer. Okay, let us know abut that event, the stuff you sell. the upcoming festival featuring your indie flick. That's cool. But nothing says 'fuck you and what you're hawking than a video that auto-starts. Here's a newsflash - the only thing that should be audible on a band's page is THEIR MUSIC. Not your band's new song, not your new indie flick trailer. Wanna post a cool (and somehow relevant) video on a band's page? Make sure it doesn't start right away when the page loads. It's about respect. A band is on MySpace to get their music heard. MySpace is still a place for fans and industry people to find bands, and they may only give a band one chance to make an impression. So, ass-master, your video trailer has started just when Industry person was stopping by to hear a song...and you just ruined it. Thanks a lot, DOUCHE, I'm sure Industry Person LOVED the trailer/band song medley. Take your trailer, fold it up really small and guess where I suggest you shove it.
2. People who did not suffer financially in 2008...and had to let everyone who did know about it.
Believe me when I say I'm happy for you. I really am. 2008 sucked big time money-wise for millions of people (including myself), but I would never be resentful of anyone who did alright for themselves financially this year. But a little modesty on your part would really be appreciated, okay? I really don't want to hear about your expensive (and extensive) vacation at some exclusive resort in the Caribbean or your top-dollar 10-day cruise when I'm barely scraping by. Or how much that mega-party cost that had foie gras for an appetizer when I've been eating fucking pork-and-beans and pasta for the last two weeks. Oh, and here you come talking about the thousands you spent for Christmas. Because this year sucked harder than a two-dollar hooker, we didn't even put up a tree, so I while I will smile as you ramble on about how you have not one, but 3 Christmas trees in your house and you needed two SUV's to get your gifts home, know that I'm not hatin' on you as much I don't appreciate your lack of tact in such difficult times. Sure, you may not know my situation. But in this bah-humbag-broke-ass environment that has left a pall over your co-workers that were lucky enough to keep their jobs, know that what you're doing amounts to rubbing it in. And that is just thoughtless :(
3. People who never digest the fact that Politicians will be Politicians, no matter what party they represent.
Reading through postings in Blabbermouth can be funny, dumbfounding or just dumb. Yesterday, I read where Henry Rollins said he had faith in Barack Obama. Now, it should be apparent that he must have been asked this question, but again, as I have mentioned in an earlier Pet Peeve, some regular folks hate when famous people exercise their God and Country given right to express a political opinion for whatever reason. Anyhoo, one dude on there got a hair up his ass and went on and on about who much he hates Obama and his supporters and the lies that were told about him so he could win his campaign, insulting anyone that didn't agree, blah blah blah *yeeeawn*. Of course not acknowledging the lies and dirty tricks that were implemented by the Bush campaign or Presidency or any other lies told during all previous campaigns and Presidencies. My point is this: Politics is a dirty business. Politicians lie. Politics are about personal power. Newsflash: The election is over Republican Right-Wingers, and for now you have to just get the hell over it. If you get proven right, goody for you. If you get proven wrong, you'll look like a jackass. I'm an Independent, and I have the same opinion of Liberal Democrats who are over-zealous in their crucifixion of certain people who don't agree with their views. Extreme people cannot be trusted to be fair. Period. So shut the fuck up already. Sit back, have a drink, and watch 'n' wait. That's all we all can do for now!
4. Sports Chumps Charles Barkely, Eric Mangini & some Patriot fans.
Finally, people are seeing what I saw ages ago about the above three. Charles Barkely is a pompous, hypocritical, idiotic blowhard. He just got busted for DUI but this is only the tip of the iceberg for his stupidity and loose lips. Every time he opens his mouth or does something retarded he erodes what greatness on the court he once possessed. Now he's just a sorry, bitter old man with worse judgment than a 17 year old boy. He won't get fired from his sportscaster job, though. I can't imagine what this fool has to do to get the boot already. Eric Mangini did not have what it took to lead the New York Jets to anything of significance and I said so as soon as they hired him. He squandered a season in which we should have at least made the playoffs with some of the worst play calls and just a lack of passion and leadership. As for some (yes, I said SOME) Patriot fans, they were happy as most Jets fans when Mangini got the boot. Not because he was a poor coach (he was), but they felt it he got what he deserved for "ratting out" his former team - the Patriots - for cheating. For cheating. Are we kidding? The Pats got caught cheating, and instead of sucking it up, they blame the guy that reported them? That's class and sportsmanship right there! Save the argument about how "all teams do it"; maybe they do. But no wonder why there is so little honor in Sports these days :(
5. More Sports: That fool that ran out onto the field and tackled Junior Seau
First of all, WTF was he thinking? Second of all, the guy came down out of the stands and sucker-tackled Junior. That dude should have gotten his fucking clock cleaned and thankfully, a teammate of Junior gave this idiot a nice crunching. Even better, the team revoked his seat (he was a season ticket holder). What blew my mind were the fans on Fox Sports who said that Junior was washed up anyway, what was the big deal, and they shouldn't have taken the dude's seat away. Haters, all! Seriously, when did Sports fans get this moronic? These people have got to lay off the crack. Here are some caps for ya: SPECTATORS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE FIELD OF PLAY OF ANY SPORT FOR ANY REASON. What about this do people not understand? Why does it have to be explained to adults that this rule is in place for their safety and the safety of the players? How do we know that this idiot didn't plan to harm Junior in some way? I don't care how small the Internet has made the world and how many no-talents get nationwide fame due to Reality TV and YouTube, some barriers are there for very good reason. Besides safety in general there is the reality that people are crazy. Just look at the freak who stabbed Monica Seles or, of course, that asshole that stormed the stage and killed Dimebag. Whether it's a deep love, deep hatred or deep resentment that it isn't you making the millions with your talentless ass, keep your pathetic butt off the field, court, or stage. If you get on there and get hurt or killed I don't feel the least bit sorry for you. Want fame? Get a talent. Want money? Go earn it honest. Creeps who do dumb, no talent 'look-at-me' shit or try to get famous people to hurt them so they can sue should be castrated/have their tubes tied so they can't reproduce and further dumb down the world.
Sure, put up a flyer. Okay, let us know abut that event, the stuff you sell. the upcoming festival featuring your indie flick. That's cool. But nothing says 'fuck you and what you're hawking than a video that auto-starts. Here's a newsflash - the only thing that should be audible on a band's page is THEIR MUSIC. Not your band's new song, not your new indie flick trailer. Wanna post a cool (and somehow relevant) video on a band's page? Make sure it doesn't start right away when the page loads. It's about respect. A band is on MySpace to get their music heard. MySpace is still a place for fans and industry people to find bands, and they may only give a band one chance to make an impression. So, ass-master, your video trailer has started just when Industry person was stopping by to hear a song...and you just ruined it. Thanks a lot, DOUCHE, I'm sure Industry Person LOVED the trailer/band song medley. Take your trailer, fold it up really small and guess where I suggest you shove it.
2. People who did not suffer financially in 2008...and had to let everyone who did know about it.
Believe me when I say I'm happy for you. I really am. 2008 sucked big time money-wise for millions of people (including myself), but I would never be resentful of anyone who did alright for themselves financially this year. But a little modesty on your part would really be appreciated, okay? I really don't want to hear about your expensive (and extensive) vacation at some exclusive resort in the Caribbean or your top-dollar 10-day cruise when I'm barely scraping by. Or how much that mega-party cost that had foie gras for an appetizer when I've been eating fucking pork-and-beans and pasta for the last two weeks. Oh, and here you come talking about the thousands you spent for Christmas. Because this year sucked harder than a two-dollar hooker, we didn't even put up a tree, so I while I will smile as you ramble on about how you have not one, but 3 Christmas trees in your house and you needed two SUV's to get your gifts home, know that I'm not hatin' on you as much I don't appreciate your lack of tact in such difficult times. Sure, you may not know my situation. But in this bah-humbag-broke-ass environment that has left a pall over your co-workers that were lucky enough to keep their jobs, know that what you're doing amounts to rubbing it in. And that is just thoughtless :(
3. People who never digest the fact that Politicians will be Politicians, no matter what party they represent.
Reading through postings in Blabbermouth can be funny, dumbfounding or just dumb. Yesterday, I read where Henry Rollins said he had faith in Barack Obama. Now, it should be apparent that he must have been asked this question, but again, as I have mentioned in an earlier Pet Peeve, some regular folks hate when famous people exercise their God and Country given right to express a political opinion for whatever reason. Anyhoo, one dude on there got a hair up his ass and went on and on about who much he hates Obama and his supporters and the lies that were told about him so he could win his campaign, insulting anyone that didn't agree, blah blah blah *yeeeawn*. Of course not acknowledging the lies and dirty tricks that were implemented by the Bush campaign or Presidency or any other lies told during all previous campaigns and Presidencies. My point is this: Politics is a dirty business. Politicians lie. Politics are about personal power. Newsflash: The election is over Republican Right-Wingers, and for now you have to just get the hell over it. If you get proven right, goody for you. If you get proven wrong, you'll look like a jackass. I'm an Independent, and I have the same opinion of Liberal Democrats who are over-zealous in their crucifixion of certain people who don't agree with their views. Extreme people cannot be trusted to be fair. Period. So shut the fuck up already. Sit back, have a drink, and watch 'n' wait. That's all we all can do for now!
4. Sports Chumps Charles Barkely, Eric Mangini & some Patriot fans.
Finally, people are seeing what I saw ages ago about the above three. Charles Barkely is a pompous, hypocritical, idiotic blowhard. He just got busted for DUI but this is only the tip of the iceberg for his stupidity and loose lips. Every time he opens his mouth or does something retarded he erodes what greatness on the court he once possessed. Now he's just a sorry, bitter old man with worse judgment than a 17 year old boy. He won't get fired from his sportscaster job, though. I can't imagine what this fool has to do to get the boot already. Eric Mangini did not have what it took to lead the New York Jets to anything of significance and I said so as soon as they hired him. He squandered a season in which we should have at least made the playoffs with some of the worst play calls and just a lack of passion and leadership. As for some (yes, I said SOME) Patriot fans, they were happy as most Jets fans when Mangini got the boot. Not because he was a poor coach (he was), but they felt it he got what he deserved for "ratting out" his former team - the Patriots - for cheating. For cheating. Are we kidding? The Pats got caught cheating, and instead of sucking it up, they blame the guy that reported them? That's class and sportsmanship right there! Save the argument about how "all teams do it"; maybe they do. But no wonder why there is so little honor in Sports these days :(
5. More Sports: That fool that ran out onto the field and tackled Junior Seau
First of all, WTF was he thinking? Second of all, the guy came down out of the stands and sucker-tackled Junior. That dude should have gotten his fucking clock cleaned and thankfully, a teammate of Junior gave this idiot a nice crunching. Even better, the team revoked his seat (he was a season ticket holder). What blew my mind were the fans on Fox Sports who said that Junior was washed up anyway, what was the big deal, and they shouldn't have taken the dude's seat away. Haters, all! Seriously, when did Sports fans get this moronic? These people have got to lay off the crack. Here are some caps for ya: SPECTATORS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE FIELD OF PLAY OF ANY SPORT FOR ANY REASON. What about this do people not understand? Why does it have to be explained to adults that this rule is in place for their safety and the safety of the players? How do we know that this idiot didn't plan to harm Junior in some way? I don't care how small the Internet has made the world and how many no-talents get nationwide fame due to Reality TV and YouTube, some barriers are there for very good reason. Besides safety in general there is the reality that people are crazy. Just look at the freak who stabbed Monica Seles or, of course, that asshole that stormed the stage and killed Dimebag. Whether it's a deep love, deep hatred or deep resentment that it isn't you making the millions with your talentless ass, keep your pathetic butt off the field, court, or stage. If you get on there and get hurt or killed I don't feel the least bit sorry for you. Want fame? Get a talent. Want money? Go earn it honest. Creeps who do dumb, no talent 'look-at-me' shit or try to get famous people to hurt them so they can sue should be castrated/have their tubes tied so they can't reproduce and further dumb down the world.
Pet Peeves #14 - (originally posted 11/10/08)
People who buy 4x4 trucks & slow to a damn-near stop to go over speed bumps.
Seriously? What didja buy the thing for? Newsflash: The whole point of a truck is to easily handle bumpy things. If you're going crawl over speedbumps, you should have bought a Pinto and not cause accidents by stopping your schoolbus-sized SUV short to daintily pop over speedbumps. You are a doofus.
People who can't keep their word.
For the freakin' love, people, don't make promises you can't keep. Don't say you'll take care of something and then don't. Especially when I offered to take care of it or help you do it. Okay? There are people out there that want to take credit for doing something so they can be a martyr or get some kind of extra credit, but when it comes down to actually getting it done, they don't. So instead of looking responsible and capable they look like an ass and now it's a crisis that I end up handling anyway. Thanks for nothing. If you weren't going to do it, Why the fuck did you waste your breath and my time? This is why I hate leaving important tasks for others to do, because I know that no matter how much sleep I lose, how much I sacrifice, if I've made a commitment, I'm going to follow through because someone is counting on me to keep my word. Sadly, others aren't as diligent, and this past week the old adage 'if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself' proved itself once again. People, understand this: If you're not up to a task asked of you by someone, say so. You'll be respected a helluva lot more for being able to admit as much then, than let someone down completely when they counted on you!
People who make simple tasks complicated.
Life is complicated enough. Life throws enough curveballs. You always have to expect the unexpected, especially when it comes to something really important. DO NOT take something that is fool-proof, requires simple common-sense execution and make it any more difficult than it needs to be, okay? Maybe you're a masochist and this is how you have to function in order to have the required self-inflicted chaos in your life, but don't include me and the shit I need to get done in that process. I like having some foresight and getting things done in a orderly, timely fashion with as little bullshit as possible, and I have little patience for those who think there is some sort of miracle alternative. THERE ISN'T. Things may not go as planned, but if you at least HAD a plan and tried sticking to it, it's amazing what additional headaches you will manage to avoid. I don't like being unprepared and end up the one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Maybe you think that's fun, but it isn't. It's just STUPID. If this is how you function as a rule, let me know early on that your life is sailing along on a wing and a prayer before we plan anything together more complicated than dinner.
People who have a problem with dogs living inside houses with their humans.
I was on this board where a couple of people went on about how dogs only belong outside because of how disgusting they are, how they lick each other, loose hair, etc. etc. what burns my biscuits even more are those people who feel that way...and have small children (the most disgusting, dirt-encrusted, germ-spreading creatures EVER no matter how cute they are) and cats (especially those humans who allow their cats outside). Are we kidding? A cat licks himself too - and all over, I might add - and do I even have to bring up the whole litterbox situation? Ick. Very hypocritical. Sure, dogs may sniff or lick another dog's butt and then want to lick your face to show their submission and affection as their instinct dictates, but here's another newsflash (wow, two newsflashes in one Pet Peeve, go me) you don't have to let them. The other thing that gets my panties in a bunch are the people who go on about how disgusting dogs are because of the whole ass-to-face factor. I just wanna ask - honey, where was YOUR face an hour ago? Wasn't it square up YOUR man's ass during the love gymnastics? And just where did you stick that finger last? Did you wash your hands after that elephant-like dump you just took? Hmmm? I love crusty, nasty humans who think their stink and filth is better than an animal. Loose hair? I've come across people who shed like wild yaks and have their hair all over the place, but apparently, that's okay. Bullshit. As I wrote in response, "I would rather be in a house with a clean, silent, well-behaved pet than be in a house full of disgusting, ill-mannered humans and their kids. Period!" Yup.
Britney.
I was rooting for her to make a comeback. I really was. She's had a tough couple of years and people have had waaay too much fun kicking her while she was down and she had my sympathy. Like many others, I was suckered into watching some of the MTV interview with her and after killing some viable brain cells I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't deserve a comeback. She doesn't. If you take away what made her a star, and took away her beauty and her money she is no different from any other dumb, self-destructive, finger-pointing, low-class trollop who continues to make bad choices but will blame everyone else but herself for her situation. She says she is a smart person, but it's pretty apparent she isn't. I do feel that her level of fame would make anyone a little nuts (e.g. Michael Jackson) and the paparazzi are completely out of control and contributed to the loss of her grip on reality. However it doesn't change the 'stuck-on-stupid' she is. She has the money and resources to be able to handle things better, but she'd rather go shopping and go to Starbucks than try to deal with her issues. She is now blaming her ex for certain things regarding their childrens' upbringing and says they need 'a father figure'. Um, no, they need a mother who isn't an idiot. And P.S. - he has custody, not you, because you lost custody for being unfit, so maybe you should leave that subject alone, okay? No, K-Fed/Fed Ex is no prize, but you got urped by him anyway - twice - right? This is exactly why stupid people should not be allowed to breed no matter how much money they have *coughParisHiltoncough*. Oh, and I loved it when she said people "shave their heads all the time". WHAT? Really? Women adding hair, yes. Shaving their head frequently? Not so much. Good Lawd, what is wrong with this girl? Britney, good luck with the comeback - many talented people never get the chance at all much less a second chance. But until you get a really good shrink and get your shit right, you'll be back in the psych ward drooling and babbling before you finish your next tour, and all of the money, makeup artists, hair extensions and songwriters won't help cushion the fall.
Seriously? What didja buy the thing for? Newsflash: The whole point of a truck is to easily handle bumpy things. If you're going crawl over speedbumps, you should have bought a Pinto and not cause accidents by stopping your schoolbus-sized SUV short to daintily pop over speedbumps. You are a doofus.
People who can't keep their word.
For the freakin' love, people, don't make promises you can't keep. Don't say you'll take care of something and then don't. Especially when I offered to take care of it or help you do it. Okay? There are people out there that want to take credit for doing something so they can be a martyr or get some kind of extra credit, but when it comes down to actually getting it done, they don't. So instead of looking responsible and capable they look like an ass and now it's a crisis that I end up handling anyway. Thanks for nothing. If you weren't going to do it, Why the fuck did you waste your breath and my time? This is why I hate leaving important tasks for others to do, because I know that no matter how much sleep I lose, how much I sacrifice, if I've made a commitment, I'm going to follow through because someone is counting on me to keep my word. Sadly, others aren't as diligent, and this past week the old adage 'if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself' proved itself once again. People, understand this: If you're not up to a task asked of you by someone, say so. You'll be respected a helluva lot more for being able to admit as much then, than let someone down completely when they counted on you!
People who make simple tasks complicated.
Life is complicated enough. Life throws enough curveballs. You always have to expect the unexpected, especially when it comes to something really important. DO NOT take something that is fool-proof, requires simple common-sense execution and make it any more difficult than it needs to be, okay? Maybe you're a masochist and this is how you have to function in order to have the required self-inflicted chaos in your life, but don't include me and the shit I need to get done in that process. I like having some foresight and getting things done in a orderly, timely fashion with as little bullshit as possible, and I have little patience for those who think there is some sort of miracle alternative. THERE ISN'T. Things may not go as planned, but if you at least HAD a plan and tried sticking to it, it's amazing what additional headaches you will manage to avoid. I don't like being unprepared and end up the one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Maybe you think that's fun, but it isn't. It's just STUPID. If this is how you function as a rule, let me know early on that your life is sailing along on a wing and a prayer before we plan anything together more complicated than dinner.
People who have a problem with dogs living inside houses with their humans.
I was on this board where a couple of people went on about how dogs only belong outside because of how disgusting they are, how they lick each other, loose hair, etc. etc. what burns my biscuits even more are those people who feel that way...and have small children (the most disgusting, dirt-encrusted, germ-spreading creatures EVER no matter how cute they are) and cats (especially those humans who allow their cats outside). Are we kidding? A cat licks himself too - and all over, I might add - and do I even have to bring up the whole litterbox situation? Ick. Very hypocritical. Sure, dogs may sniff or lick another dog's butt and then want to lick your face to show their submission and affection as their instinct dictates, but here's another newsflash (wow, two newsflashes in one Pet Peeve, go me) you don't have to let them. The other thing that gets my panties in a bunch are the people who go on about how disgusting dogs are because of the whole ass-to-face factor. I just wanna ask - honey, where was YOUR face an hour ago? Wasn't it square up YOUR man's ass during the love gymnastics? And just where did you stick that finger last? Did you wash your hands after that elephant-like dump you just took? Hmmm? I love crusty, nasty humans who think their stink and filth is better than an animal. Loose hair? I've come across people who shed like wild yaks and have their hair all over the place, but apparently, that's okay. Bullshit. As I wrote in response, "I would rather be in a house with a clean, silent, well-behaved pet than be in a house full of disgusting, ill-mannered humans and their kids. Period!" Yup.
Britney.
I was rooting for her to make a comeback. I really was. She's had a tough couple of years and people have had waaay too much fun kicking her while she was down and she had my sympathy. Like many others, I was suckered into watching some of the MTV interview with her and after killing some viable brain cells I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't deserve a comeback. She doesn't. If you take away what made her a star, and took away her beauty and her money she is no different from any other dumb, self-destructive, finger-pointing, low-class trollop who continues to make bad choices but will blame everyone else but herself for her situation. She says she is a smart person, but it's pretty apparent she isn't. I do feel that her level of fame would make anyone a little nuts (e.g. Michael Jackson) and the paparazzi are completely out of control and contributed to the loss of her grip on reality. However it doesn't change the 'stuck-on-stupid' she is. She has the money and resources to be able to handle things better, but she'd rather go shopping and go to Starbucks than try to deal with her issues. She is now blaming her ex for certain things regarding their childrens' upbringing and says they need 'a father figure'. Um, no, they need a mother who isn't an idiot. And P.S. - he has custody, not you, because you lost custody for being unfit, so maybe you should leave that subject alone, okay? No, K-Fed/Fed Ex is no prize, but you got urped by him anyway - twice - right? This is exactly why stupid people should not be allowed to breed no matter how much money they have *coughParisHiltoncough*. Oh, and I loved it when she said people "shave their heads all the time". WHAT? Really? Women adding hair, yes. Shaving their head frequently? Not so much. Good Lawd, what is wrong with this girl? Britney, good luck with the comeback - many talented people never get the chance at all much less a second chance. But until you get a really good shrink and get your shit right, you'll be back in the psych ward drooling and babbling before you finish your next tour, and all of the money, makeup artists, hair extensions and songwriters won't help cushion the fall.
Pet Peeves #13 - (originally posted approx. 11/2/08)
WTF? Why can't famous people have an opinion?
I love it when dumbasses say things like, "So and so is just an actor/musician, why would they think their opinion matters?" It amazes me how retarded people can be. Just because someone acts or otherwise performs in some entertainment medium, they can't have an opinion on anything of significance? Why not? Every person on this planet is entitled to their opinion and can voice it by any means necessary. If I had the ability and the celebrity to champion a cause I felt strongly about and it gets media play, why wouldn't I take advantage of that? There are plenty of people who have dumb opinions who aren't celebrities, so why is their take acceptable? Because no one gives a shit who they are? C'mon. I bring this up because Doc Coyle of the band God Forbid made no bones of his dislike of John McCain. Following a political debate, Doc, in a column he writes, called McCain a racist. This got posted on Blabbermouth.net, eliciting responses from the usual gang of idiots that post under dumb names and probably keep a pee bottle by their computer so they don't have to miss a post the second one goes up. They were ragging Doc, saying he was stupid, and he was a dumb musician and his band sucks so why would anyone care what he thinks, blah blah blah. I love the ones that call him stupid, but then say they were purposely going to vote for McCain just because Doc said not to. That was real intelligent and displays some serious forward-thinking there, lollipop! How old are you? And we wonder why other countries laugh at us.
PULL UP YOUR DAMN PANTS!
Some cities have begun issuing tickets for the asscrack attack known as 'baggin', and I LOVE it! This is a shoutout to those 'baggin' mofuckas who feel that they can't be seen in the street unless their back pockets are warming the backs of their knees. Why is this considered cool? Why hasn't this appalling trend died already? I don't care if you wear boxers or briefs, and not for nothin', I don't care what brand they are. If you are ugly and you have any ugly ass, I wouldn't care if the brand was Versace and the waistband is lined with diamonds. It's called having some class...and buying a belt. Once I saw two baggin' Fred Durst wannabes crossing Woodhaven Blvd. and I took great pleasure in slamming on the gas watching them grabbing their pants up and trying to run (one ended up cleaning the left side of my car with his butt. Awesome). No wonder bigger guys can't find any pants that fit - morons who wear size 34 are buying 40's so we can see their Vertical Coinslot. PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP, or I swear, I'm gonna start going on a Wedgie Rampage with a pair of pliers.
Too much cologne!
I like a man that smells good. But guys, really, you don't have to bathe in or drink the stuff in order for it to be effective, okay? I sat behind this guy on the bus the other day and he had on so much cologne it snapped my head back. DUDE! C'MON! He had so much on, it's was literally burning my nostrils from the fumes. This wasn't just a one-day event either, we take the same bus home and he overdoes it with the manperfume EVERY DAY. Look, I'd rather smell a little bit of a hard day's work on a man than be choked by his cologne. If your natural aroma is that bad, homie, then take midday bird bath in the bathroom, k? And if you must put on cologne, seriously - a dab will do ya!
Stupid names
Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson welcomed a new baby into the world. The name given to the long-awaited child? Bronx Mowgli. Geez. Of course you have the other dumb names given to celeb children like Pilot Inspektor, Zuma, Brooklyn, Kal-el, Romeo, Apple and Reign Beau. I guess celebs figure since the kid will be set for life and will live in a protective bubble they don't have to worry about what other people think or will treat them. Unlike...
...Stupid Ghetto Names. My people. Seriously. You don't have to name your child Jane Doe but fer shit's sake, what are some of you thinking? I believe it was Chris Rock who once said (and yes, I'm paraphrasing) "Why would you name your kid something like that? At least let the kid get TO the job interview!". With so many White employers coming right out and saying they'd rather hire a White, uneducated ex-con than an educated, never-incarcerated Black man, why would you name your kid Daykwan Marquis or LaQuita Emerald knowing once an employer sees that on a resume, ain't making that call? My least favorite ghetto name ever was bestowed on a football player - D'Brickashaw. WTF is that? WHYWHYWHY? Good thing he was lucky enough to go professional, huh? My new least favorite female name was just found yesterday. Le-a. No, it's not pronounced Leah, Lea or Leeya. It's LEDASHA. That's right, because to quote the mother, "the dash don't be silent".
Jesus H. Christ, make it stop.
My name? No, it didn't top the Popular Girls Name list, but it's been around for centuries. Doesn't make it any less odd, but it ain't DUMB, like a former co-worker who named his child Anquette Mahogany. No, I'm not kidding. Wanna be different? Okay, find an uncommon name that actually exists in a baby name book; stop combining your name and the baby daddy name because it's two times the stupid, stop doing that pseudo-French shit and give anything that starts with "La" and "Da" a rest. I understand that you want your child to be considered special and unique (don't you wanna slap someone who actually names their kid "Unique"?), but it really just screams "low-income-uneducated-minority". If that's what you're going for, then maybe you should set your sights a little higher...at least for the kid's sake.
I love it when dumbasses say things like, "So and so is just an actor/musician, why would they think their opinion matters?" It amazes me how retarded people can be. Just because someone acts or otherwise performs in some entertainment medium, they can't have an opinion on anything of significance? Why not? Every person on this planet is entitled to their opinion and can voice it by any means necessary. If I had the ability and the celebrity to champion a cause I felt strongly about and it gets media play, why wouldn't I take advantage of that? There are plenty of people who have dumb opinions who aren't celebrities, so why is their take acceptable? Because no one gives a shit who they are? C'mon. I bring this up because Doc Coyle of the band God Forbid made no bones of his dislike of John McCain. Following a political debate, Doc, in a column he writes, called McCain a racist. This got posted on Blabbermouth.net, eliciting responses from the usual gang of idiots that post under dumb names and probably keep a pee bottle by their computer so they don't have to miss a post the second one goes up. They were ragging Doc, saying he was stupid, and he was a dumb musician and his band sucks so why would anyone care what he thinks, blah blah blah. I love the ones that call him stupid, but then say they were purposely going to vote for McCain just because Doc said not to. That was real intelligent and displays some serious forward-thinking there, lollipop! How old are you? And we wonder why other countries laugh at us.
PULL UP YOUR DAMN PANTS!
Some cities have begun issuing tickets for the asscrack attack known as 'baggin', and I LOVE it! This is a shoutout to those 'baggin' mofuckas who feel that they can't be seen in the street unless their back pockets are warming the backs of their knees. Why is this considered cool? Why hasn't this appalling trend died already? I don't care if you wear boxers or briefs, and not for nothin', I don't care what brand they are. If you are ugly and you have any ugly ass, I wouldn't care if the brand was Versace and the waistband is lined with diamonds. It's called having some class...and buying a belt. Once I saw two baggin' Fred Durst wannabes crossing Woodhaven Blvd. and I took great pleasure in slamming on the gas watching them grabbing their pants up and trying to run (one ended up cleaning the left side of my car with his butt. Awesome). No wonder bigger guys can't find any pants that fit - morons who wear size 34 are buying 40's so we can see their Vertical Coinslot. PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP, or I swear, I'm gonna start going on a Wedgie Rampage with a pair of pliers.
Too much cologne!
I like a man that smells good. But guys, really, you don't have to bathe in or drink the stuff in order for it to be effective, okay? I sat behind this guy on the bus the other day and he had on so much cologne it snapped my head back. DUDE! C'MON! He had so much on, it's was literally burning my nostrils from the fumes. This wasn't just a one-day event either, we take the same bus home and he overdoes it with the manperfume EVERY DAY. Look, I'd rather smell a little bit of a hard day's work on a man than be choked by his cologne. If your natural aroma is that bad, homie, then take midday bird bath in the bathroom, k? And if you must put on cologne, seriously - a dab will do ya!
Stupid names
Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson welcomed a new baby into the world. The name given to the long-awaited child? Bronx Mowgli. Geez. Of course you have the other dumb names given to celeb children like Pilot Inspektor, Zuma, Brooklyn, Kal-el, Romeo, Apple and Reign Beau. I guess celebs figure since the kid will be set for life and will live in a protective bubble they don't have to worry about what other people think or will treat them. Unlike...
...Stupid Ghetto Names. My people. Seriously. You don't have to name your child Jane Doe but fer shit's sake, what are some of you thinking? I believe it was Chris Rock who once said (and yes, I'm paraphrasing) "Why would you name your kid something like that? At least let the kid get TO the job interview!". With so many White employers coming right out and saying they'd rather hire a White, uneducated ex-con than an educated, never-incarcerated Black man, why would you name your kid Daykwan Marquis or LaQuita Emerald knowing once an employer sees that on a resume, ain't making that call? My least favorite ghetto name ever was bestowed on a football player - D'Brickashaw. WTF is that? WHYWHYWHY? Good thing he was lucky enough to go professional, huh? My new least favorite female name was just found yesterday. Le-a. No, it's not pronounced Leah, Lea or Leeya. It's LEDASHA. That's right, because to quote the mother, "the dash don't be silent".
Jesus H. Christ, make it stop.
My name? No, it didn't top the Popular Girls Name list, but it's been around for centuries. Doesn't make it any less odd, but it ain't DUMB, like a former co-worker who named his child Anquette Mahogany. No, I'm not kidding. Wanna be different? Okay, find an uncommon name that actually exists in a baby name book; stop combining your name and the baby daddy name because it's two times the stupid, stop doing that pseudo-French shit and give anything that starts with "La" and "Da" a rest. I understand that you want your child to be considered special and unique (don't you wanna slap someone who actually names their kid "Unique"?), but it really just screams "low-income-uneducated-minority". If that's what you're going for, then maybe you should set your sights a little higher...at least for the kid's sake.
Pet Peeves #12 - (originally posted 10/31/08)
1. People who are not Metal throwing the "Devil Horns".
I've had it with people with no love, respect or affiliation with Heavy Metal music throwing the goat. WTF is up with that? The final straw is a new song by this Country act Rascal Flatts. The chorus goes something like, 'bob your head...giving that rock on sign' using the Devil Horns to denote this. ARE WE KIDDING? The sign of holding down your third and middle finger with your thumb and keeping up the index and the pinky is not a "Rock On" sign. It means HEAVY METAL. Not country, not pop, not winning some stupid award, not anything you think is fun or cool that has nothing to do with Metal music, like loving "High School Musical 3". Look, popular culture has stolen "mosh" and crowd surfing and RUINED them. I refuse, and I think other Metalheads should take a stand on this NOW - to let un-Metal people ruin The Horns as well. That has and always will belong to METAL MUSIC FANS. It is rather complimentary that the things we Metalheads do as a matter of course are secretly thought to be edgy and cool by the mainstream. However, if you can't walk the walk or talk the talk and the heaviest thing you like is Katy Perry then you should NEVEREVEREVAEVAEVA do the Devil Horns. At all. If you do, you should be slapped like a poseur at an old Exodus show (if you did not 'get' that last reference then point proven - you should definitely NEVER throw The Horns). Find your own hand-thing and accept the fact that you will never be as cool as we are. As Phil Anselmo once said, "you ain't got the balls, son!" I realize that sucks, but if you're going to hold Metalheads in such low regard in general and refuse to give us our props then you should want NOTHING of ours...especially the sign that gave us so much trouble with the mainstream to begin with - the Devil Horns. Just. Stop. It. Now.
2. Women who want to marry rich/successful men then get pissed that they're never at home.
Honey, here's what. Unless he was born into money (and sometimes even then), a man that has made his own way into wealth will be working long hours and will often miss important events. When he comes home, he will be too tired to tend to you and could give a shit about how mediocre your pedicure was today. How do you think he got rich? By sitting at home sucking up to his girlfriend/wife? No, by busting his tail and being all about the Benjamins. I hate hearing these pampered, privileged bitches whine about how their husband always works late and doesn't seem to care about her needs. It's a trade-off. You like shopping at Needless Markup (Neimann-Marcus), and driving around in that Benz with the Amex Black Card dontcha? Of course. Thing is, if you're home bossing around the maid, the nanny, the cook and going for $1,000 spa treatments, who is paying for all of this luxury? It obviously isn't you - it's him! So if he has to close that multi-million dollar business deal across the country, do that extra surgery, work that double shift to keep you in La Perla undies then you need to shut up, get a hobby or get a job. Period. Every lifestyle has its sacrifices; the common woman has no sympathy for you. Related: Wives/husbands/significant others of musicians. You knew what we were doing when we met you.
You knew our chosen musical endeavor is time consuming. You knew that what we do brings us in close contact with members of the opposite sex and (if we're lucky) allows us to travel and tour. So don't bitch about it now. People that look to date those with very large paychecks and musicians, act like they understand and can accept what comes with it, then later tries to get them to alter the very thing that made them what they are is FRAUD. If you want a creature that will stare lovingly into your eyes for hours on end, listens to you talk endlessly about yourself, maintains predictable hours and doesn't go out unless you want to then get a dog!
3. People that can't have pride without being assholes to everyone else.
Sure, this could only apply to the White Power fucknut(s) at our last show, but sadly it doesn't. This also means "Proud to be (whatever)" people. I say it often - you had NO CHOICE in whether you are male or female, Black or White, Italian or Irish. What you DO have a choice in is whether you are going to be a decent human being and what constructive thing you bring to humanity's table and THAT is what you should be proud of. It is easy to be proud of something you had no choice in and cannot change - that's a copout. This is not saying you shouldn't be proud of the accomplishments of your ancestors but what have YOU done? It's sad that someone would ever need both a t-shirt and a tattoo to remind themselves to be proud, and inconceivable that they can't be proud without being a prick. It shows a weakness in character, and it only means you're now just a member a different herd of sheep desperately trying to matter. Pathetic.
4. The weight debacle.
I give up. I do. I diet, I exercise, I try to eat right, but I will never be skinny, and that's just how it is. I would love to have a long, lean bikini body but it isn't now and won't ever be. Even if did lose all the weight I wanted to right now, someone would still think I'm fat. I bring this up because it's not just the plumper chicks that will eternally fall short in this world of 'be hot or be ignored'; it's the ones of "normal" weight, too. How can I say this? Eva Longoria was all over the news awhile back with people clucking their tongues at how much weight she put on and how fat she's getting, and she even said she was 'fat'. What was her horrible, egregious weight change? She went from a size double-zero to zero.
00 to 0.
One more time people so hopefully you can visualize and realize the absurdity of this - 00 to 0.
If 0 is "O my God, she's skin and bones" then what is double-zero? Some people are naturally that tiny, but damn.
C'mon people, this is NOT NATURAL. Yes the camera may add twenty pounds but some of these models and some celebrities are so emaciated in pictures that they must be horrifying in person. I remember the day when Marilyn Monroe, at size 14, was the hottest thing on the planet. Then famous women kept getting thinner, and man, if you were a size 8, you were IT! Now, if you're a size 8 you may as well be Harriet the Hippo, and that's just crazy. Being the right weight for your height and build is important for your health and appearance, but that pendulum swings both ways. Yes, you CAN be too thin, and the body and health issues we are foisting upon our young girls now is very sad, indeed. Men say that hate neurotic women, but what else could these girls grow up to be with such a demanding and often unreachable standard that even if achieved, is nearly impossible to maintain?
5. Guitar Hero
Ya know, it was fun for a minute, but now things have gotten out of hand with this. Perhaps you can attribute this to me becoming an increasingly bitter musician, but if you want to play a rock song on guitar, GO GET A GUITAR AND LEARN IT. Buy a real bass, buy a real drum set and do it right. It astounds me that people would rather go to a club or bar and watch other people fake it with the cheesy Guitar Hero instruments and canned songs than actually hear and watch a real band play. You absolutely must hear songs you know? Go see a cover band. I can't believe I just said that, but I'd rather see people pay to watch and support real musicians than this Guitar Hero thing. Sure, it's all in fun but when it becomes it's own cottage industry, that's a disgrace. If you truly love music, then support and pay real musicians, not video game companies. If you want to be a part of music, then truly become part of it and play it for real so you can truly experience what it's like - the highs, AND the lows.
6. The whole, 'You'll vote for Obama because he's Black' thing.
First off, fuck you if you think that. I am an Independent on my voter registration card and I am in life. I have NEVER allowed myself or anyone to define me or anything I'm going to do, say, or be because of my color. Period. Read this next statement closely: IF I DON'T AGREE WITH YOU I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY SIAMESE TWIN I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU. I have never voted for someone because they were either Black or a woman, and I'm not about to start now. This election has put some folks like me in a precarious position. If I vote for Obama, I was expected to because he's Black, and if I don't, I'm just being contrary so I'm not following the (Black) herd.
It's bullshit that I'm not expected - no, not allowed to decide based on the issues. It was not until 10/20 - that's right, about two weeks ago - that I finally chose Obama. If it was all about color, than there would have been no hesitation from the moment he was nominated who I was going to vote for. Instead, this election choice was the hardest I've ever had to make. The issue for me was never the race of the nominees but who did I feel is going to help me and my country the most? And at the end of day it became clear to me that McCain wasn't the guy. If the races were reversed, McCain Black and Obama White (which he is actually half-White, in case you geniuses forgot), I would STILL vote Obama. I'm not out to make a statement, I'm out to make a living. GOT IT? I would NEVER rest my future on something so superficial, and for anyone to accuse or assume that I am or would be for so crucial an election - especially if you know how intelligent, sincere and deliberate of thought I am - is disappointing. Read my (MySpace) blog about how and why I made my decision; you don't have agree, that is your right, but you do NOT have the right to assume you know anything about me other than what I allow you to know. And DO know that I'm more of a real fucking MAVERICK than most of you will EVER live to be. I am now going to have my third cup of coffee. Any smartasses who wanna act like they know is welcome to have a big cup of Shut The Fuck Up.
Thank you.
I've had it with people with no love, respect or affiliation with Heavy Metal music throwing the goat. WTF is up with that? The final straw is a new song by this Country act Rascal Flatts. The chorus goes something like, 'bob your head...giving that rock on sign' using the Devil Horns to denote this. ARE WE KIDDING? The sign of holding down your third and middle finger with your thumb and keeping up the index and the pinky is not a "Rock On" sign. It means HEAVY METAL. Not country, not pop, not winning some stupid award, not anything you think is fun or cool that has nothing to do with Metal music, like loving "High School Musical 3". Look, popular culture has stolen "mosh" and crowd surfing and RUINED them. I refuse, and I think other Metalheads should take a stand on this NOW - to let un-Metal people ruin The Horns as well. That has and always will belong to METAL MUSIC FANS. It is rather complimentary that the things we Metalheads do as a matter of course are secretly thought to be edgy and cool by the mainstream. However, if you can't walk the walk or talk the talk and the heaviest thing you like is Katy Perry then you should NEVEREVEREVAEVAEVA do the Devil Horns. At all. If you do, you should be slapped like a poseur at an old Exodus show (if you did not 'get' that last reference then point proven - you should definitely NEVER throw The Horns). Find your own hand-thing and accept the fact that you will never be as cool as we are. As Phil Anselmo once said, "you ain't got the balls, son!" I realize that sucks, but if you're going to hold Metalheads in such low regard in general and refuse to give us our props then you should want NOTHING of ours...especially the sign that gave us so much trouble with the mainstream to begin with - the Devil Horns. Just. Stop. It. Now.
2. Women who want to marry rich/successful men then get pissed that they're never at home.
Honey, here's what. Unless he was born into money (and sometimes even then), a man that has made his own way into wealth will be working long hours and will often miss important events. When he comes home, he will be too tired to tend to you and could give a shit about how mediocre your pedicure was today. How do you think he got rich? By sitting at home sucking up to his girlfriend/wife? No, by busting his tail and being all about the Benjamins. I hate hearing these pampered, privileged bitches whine about how their husband always works late and doesn't seem to care about her needs. It's a trade-off. You like shopping at Needless Markup (Neimann-Marcus), and driving around in that Benz with the Amex Black Card dontcha? Of course. Thing is, if you're home bossing around the maid, the nanny, the cook and going for $1,000 spa treatments, who is paying for all of this luxury? It obviously isn't you - it's him! So if he has to close that multi-million dollar business deal across the country, do that extra surgery, work that double shift to keep you in La Perla undies then you need to shut up, get a hobby or get a job. Period. Every lifestyle has its sacrifices; the common woman has no sympathy for you. Related: Wives/husbands/significant others of musicians. You knew what we were doing when we met you.
You knew our chosen musical endeavor is time consuming. You knew that what we do brings us in close contact with members of the opposite sex and (if we're lucky) allows us to travel and tour. So don't bitch about it now. People that look to date those with very large paychecks and musicians, act like they understand and can accept what comes with it, then later tries to get them to alter the very thing that made them what they are is FRAUD. If you want a creature that will stare lovingly into your eyes for hours on end, listens to you talk endlessly about yourself, maintains predictable hours and doesn't go out unless you want to then get a dog!
3. People that can't have pride without being assholes to everyone else.
Sure, this could only apply to the White Power fucknut(s) at our last show, but sadly it doesn't. This also means "Proud to be (whatever)" people. I say it often - you had NO CHOICE in whether you are male or female, Black or White, Italian or Irish. What you DO have a choice in is whether you are going to be a decent human being and what constructive thing you bring to humanity's table and THAT is what you should be proud of. It is easy to be proud of something you had no choice in and cannot change - that's a copout. This is not saying you shouldn't be proud of the accomplishments of your ancestors but what have YOU done? It's sad that someone would ever need both a t-shirt and a tattoo to remind themselves to be proud, and inconceivable that they can't be proud without being a prick. It shows a weakness in character, and it only means you're now just a member a different herd of sheep desperately trying to matter. Pathetic.
4. The weight debacle.
I give up. I do. I diet, I exercise, I try to eat right, but I will never be skinny, and that's just how it is. I would love to have a long, lean bikini body but it isn't now and won't ever be. Even if did lose all the weight I wanted to right now, someone would still think I'm fat. I bring this up because it's not just the plumper chicks that will eternally fall short in this world of 'be hot or be ignored'; it's the ones of "normal" weight, too. How can I say this? Eva Longoria was all over the news awhile back with people clucking their tongues at how much weight she put on and how fat she's getting, and she even said she was 'fat'. What was her horrible, egregious weight change? She went from a size double-zero to zero.
00 to 0.
One more time people so hopefully you can visualize and realize the absurdity of this - 00 to 0.
If 0 is "O my God, she's skin and bones" then what is double-zero? Some people are naturally that tiny, but damn.
C'mon people, this is NOT NATURAL. Yes the camera may add twenty pounds but some of these models and some celebrities are so emaciated in pictures that they must be horrifying in person. I remember the day when Marilyn Monroe, at size 14, was the hottest thing on the planet. Then famous women kept getting thinner, and man, if you were a size 8, you were IT! Now, if you're a size 8 you may as well be Harriet the Hippo, and that's just crazy. Being the right weight for your height and build is important for your health and appearance, but that pendulum swings both ways. Yes, you CAN be too thin, and the body and health issues we are foisting upon our young girls now is very sad, indeed. Men say that hate neurotic women, but what else could these girls grow up to be with such a demanding and often unreachable standard that even if achieved, is nearly impossible to maintain?
5. Guitar Hero
Ya know, it was fun for a minute, but now things have gotten out of hand with this. Perhaps you can attribute this to me becoming an increasingly bitter musician, but if you want to play a rock song on guitar, GO GET A GUITAR AND LEARN IT. Buy a real bass, buy a real drum set and do it right. It astounds me that people would rather go to a club or bar and watch other people fake it with the cheesy Guitar Hero instruments and canned songs than actually hear and watch a real band play. You absolutely must hear songs you know? Go see a cover band. I can't believe I just said that, but I'd rather see people pay to watch and support real musicians than this Guitar Hero thing. Sure, it's all in fun but when it becomes it's own cottage industry, that's a disgrace. If you truly love music, then support and pay real musicians, not video game companies. If you want to be a part of music, then truly become part of it and play it for real so you can truly experience what it's like - the highs, AND the lows.
6. The whole, 'You'll vote for Obama because he's Black' thing.
First off, fuck you if you think that. I am an Independent on my voter registration card and I am in life. I have NEVER allowed myself or anyone to define me or anything I'm going to do, say, or be because of my color. Period. Read this next statement closely: IF I DON'T AGREE WITH YOU I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY SIAMESE TWIN I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU. I have never voted for someone because they were either Black or a woman, and I'm not about to start now. This election has put some folks like me in a precarious position. If I vote for Obama, I was expected to because he's Black, and if I don't, I'm just being contrary so I'm not following the (Black) herd.
It's bullshit that I'm not expected - no, not allowed to decide based on the issues. It was not until 10/20 - that's right, about two weeks ago - that I finally chose Obama. If it was all about color, than there would have been no hesitation from the moment he was nominated who I was going to vote for. Instead, this election choice was the hardest I've ever had to make. The issue for me was never the race of the nominees but who did I feel is going to help me and my country the most? And at the end of day it became clear to me that McCain wasn't the guy. If the races were reversed, McCain Black and Obama White (which he is actually half-White, in case you geniuses forgot), I would STILL vote Obama. I'm not out to make a statement, I'm out to make a living. GOT IT? I would NEVER rest my future on something so superficial, and for anyone to accuse or assume that I am or would be for so crucial an election - especially if you know how intelligent, sincere and deliberate of thought I am - is disappointing. Read my (MySpace) blog about how and why I made my decision; you don't have agree, that is your right, but you do NOT have the right to assume you know anything about me other than what I allow you to know. And DO know that I'm more of a real fucking MAVERICK than most of you will EVER live to be. I am now going to have my third cup of coffee. Any smartasses who wanna act like they know is welcome to have a big cup of Shut The Fuck Up.
Thank you.
Pet Peeves #11 - (originally posted 10/10/08)
1. Having to stop for the damn school bus.
My apologies to my child-having friends, but nothing is a bigger buzzkill than being stopped by a school bus while driving to work. The bus is coming up the street with the yellow lights flashing, and I'm thinking, "Oh no! FasterFaster BEAT THE RED LIGHTS AND POP-OUT STOP SIGN!!...DAMMIT." Screech to a halt. Fuck. Now wait...(cue 'Jeopardy' music). But, that isn't the actual peeve. I only have violent tendencies when the school bus stops a line of traffic on a busy road and the damn kids m o s e y. S l o w l y. O f f t h e b u s. Or, a parent decides they want to have a chat with the driver, ya know, how's the weather, how's the wife, we should have dinner sometime, etc. It's even less entertaining when it's apparent they've just rolled out of bed and they look like death microwaved (see Pet Peeves #10) so I'm annoyed and now my eyes hurt, too. HEY!! Shut the hell up, get your kid(s) on/off the damn bus and keep it movin', sunshine! Which brings me to the next peeve...
2. People who enjoy slowing down traffic 'cos, hell, they're at work already so fuck you.
Hey you, Verizon truck driver driving 20 mph 'cos you're stretching out trips in-between assignments. And YOU Mr. Cab Driver who normally drives 100mph everywhere...unless you have to take someone to the bus or train station. So now you do 20mph just so you can watch the passenger sweat the whole ride, then make a mad dash to the train to either just make or just miss it. Fun! You guys been on the clock since 6am. Yay for you. It would be great if you wouldn't be such douchebags when you know most of the world is trying to get to THEIR jobs between 8 and 9. Honorable mention: Retired folks. I mean no disrespect because you're somebody's mommy or daddy. However, when it's 8:50am, you should not be in the left lane of a main road or highway doing 45. Remember, y'all used to work too and probably drove up on and flipped off the old man in the Buick clogging up the road when YOU had to get to work back in the day. Forgot about that, huh? Oh wait. You...really don't remember that. Sorry. Which brings me to the next peeve...
3. Re-test the elderly regularly to make sure they're still able to drive safely.
I love older folks, I really do. I love their spirit, experiences and their outlook on life. That said, the one thing they shouldn't be doing for the most part is DRIVE. it's not their speed (or lack thereof), it's their lack of everything else needed to drive safely. Reflexes, memory, coordination, etc. all of these abilities decline with age and with some folks (clearly) more than others. I was behind an old guy yesterday. Doing 40 in a 50, half over in the next lane. I manage to get out from behind him, and once I got next to him to pass I took a peek, and I swear, he looked like the Crypt Keeper. Homeboy was OLD. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes were just blank, staring, like a zombie. The only thing lively on on him was his liver spots. I kept glancing over for a bit because I seriously thought something might be wrong. The only thing wrong was that he still was allowed on the road. Coupla years ago, I was flying in to visit my Grandma in Florida. She picked me up - and took me on what was to be one of the most terrifying 45-minute rides of my life. Once we got to her place (and I was done kissing the ground) she asked if I would do all of the driving while I was there. Does a bear shit in the woods and wipe his ass with a rabbit? Does a fat kid like cake? (I do!) Does winning 5 million dollars sound nice? FUCKIN' A! Once folks get over 70, they need to be tested every year, for their own safety and the safety of others on the road. Period. Which beings me to my next peeve...
4. Driving is a privilege, and they need to tighten things up in this country.
It's not just old people with declining driving skills. Apparently, people under 20 have no business on the road either. There has been discussion about raising the driving age, and I think that's a brilliant idea. No one can argue that most of the auto accidents claiming lives involve drivers under 25, and most people under 25 drive like assholes, gotta be cool, gotta be a tough guy at the expense of safety, learned from their daddy (who is a shitty driver), etc. I'm sure the grisly statistics would drop if the driving age was raised, and there would be less traffic on the roads, which is better for everyone and the planet, too. But let's not forget the people in-between 20 and 70, like chronic drunk drivers. If I'm not mistaken one Scandinavian country has a rule that if you're caught driving drunk ONCE you lose your license FOREVER. There, once the license is lost, they just accept it and don't drive. Obviously, in America, we're of the mentality that we'll drive anyway license revocation be damned, it's our damn right to drive (again, it's a privilege not a right). Other people are just crap drivers. Ideas: Change the Driver's Test, which is a joke. Make it more than just a manual and a cheesy written test. Make it a course (and course materials come in only one language - ENGLISH) that takes a few weeks with physical tests in-between under controlled conditions, and make it costly, like $300. Folks who just don't have the knack will learn they're better off taking the bus BEFORE they take out a family of five on the highway. If they fail, they can keep paying to re-take the course until they do. If they don't pass after 3 attempts, they cannot try again for 2 years. If anyone is caught driving without a license, they need to go to jail for a length of time that would make it not worth getting caught. The benefit of this is that the fundamentals of driving would be drilled into everyone's heads, not shortcuts and bad driving habits taught by Uncle Bobby who had his license suspended - twice. The State gets extra revenue, more jobs are created to transport those who can't pass the course, and the public shares the road with safer drivers. Everyone wins. Speaking of taking the bus...
5. People who talk loudly on their cell phones in public.
Dammit, would you PLEASE lower your voice? NOBODY CARES about your date last night, NOBODY cares that you told off so-and-so, NOBODY thinks you're a badass because you're talking about who you rolled yesterday for money that was owed you. But we ALL think you're an inconsiderate asshole trying to showboat how cool you are. We especially LOVE to hear you curse out loud and say rude things, 'cos it's oh-so classy of you. Does anyone remember discretion? We don't GIVE A FUCK about you and what you do and who you're talking with. Sorry. If this is what you do for attention, that's pretty pathetic. No one thinks you're extra special because you have a cell phone. Here's a newsflash - most people have one of those too, so no one is impressed. Even more annoying - people who yammer loudly on their phone...in a foreign language. GAHHHHH! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I can't possibly be the only person who loves to use the time on the bus or train to appreciate QUIET ME TIME. When you're on public conveyance, you're probably on your way to work (noisy, folks up your ass all day) going home (dinner, laundry, hollering children, chatty spouse, etc.) or going out to socialize (fun, but noisy). The bus/train time is a time to enjoy being incommunicado so you can be with your own thoughts, and then here comes LaQuita Jenkins ("I be tellin' dat mudderfuckah he NEED to be calling me and not dat other bitch!"), Mr. "The Man" HighPower Exec, "Well, I do these types of deals all day, usually deals like that aren't worth my time, but I figured I'd help Dan out, since he lacks my savvy in dealing with these kind of people."), Ms. Susie College ("Oh. My. God. Can you believe there will be no more TRL? Oh My God. And did ya hear about Linda? Can you believe she hugged Billy last night right in front of her!! Oh my God!! Yes she did!!!) and Elroy McCrip ("Ima bust a cap in dat niggahs ass who he think he playin' wit?) and Consuelo EnEspanol ("awholelottastuffcompletelyin95mphSpanishthatIdon'tunderstandspokenattopvolume"). I hate you people. Kindly go die.
My apologies to my child-having friends, but nothing is a bigger buzzkill than being stopped by a school bus while driving to work. The bus is coming up the street with the yellow lights flashing, and I'm thinking, "Oh no! FasterFaster BEAT THE RED LIGHTS AND POP-OUT STOP SIGN!!...DAMMIT." Screech to a halt. Fuck. Now wait...(cue 'Jeopardy' music). But, that isn't the actual peeve. I only have violent tendencies when the school bus stops a line of traffic on a busy road and the damn kids m o s e y. S l o w l y. O f f t h e b u s. Or, a parent decides they want to have a chat with the driver, ya know, how's the weather, how's the wife, we should have dinner sometime, etc. It's even less entertaining when it's apparent they've just rolled out of bed and they look like death microwaved (see Pet Peeves #10) so I'm annoyed and now my eyes hurt, too. HEY!! Shut the hell up, get your kid(s) on/off the damn bus and keep it movin', sunshine! Which brings me to the next peeve...
2. People who enjoy slowing down traffic 'cos, hell, they're at work already so fuck you.
Hey you, Verizon truck driver driving 20 mph 'cos you're stretching out trips in-between assignments. And YOU Mr. Cab Driver who normally drives 100mph everywhere...unless you have to take someone to the bus or train station. So now you do 20mph just so you can watch the passenger sweat the whole ride, then make a mad dash to the train to either just make or just miss it. Fun! You guys been on the clock since 6am. Yay for you. It would be great if you wouldn't be such douchebags when you know most of the world is trying to get to THEIR jobs between 8 and 9. Honorable mention: Retired folks. I mean no disrespect because you're somebody's mommy or daddy. However, when it's 8:50am, you should not be in the left lane of a main road or highway doing 45. Remember, y'all used to work too and probably drove up on and flipped off the old man in the Buick clogging up the road when YOU had to get to work back in the day. Forgot about that, huh? Oh wait. You...really don't remember that. Sorry. Which brings me to the next peeve...
3. Re-test the elderly regularly to make sure they're still able to drive safely.
I love older folks, I really do. I love their spirit, experiences and their outlook on life. That said, the one thing they shouldn't be doing for the most part is DRIVE. it's not their speed (or lack thereof), it's their lack of everything else needed to drive safely. Reflexes, memory, coordination, etc. all of these abilities decline with age and with some folks (clearly) more than others. I was behind an old guy yesterday. Doing 40 in a 50, half over in the next lane. I manage to get out from behind him, and once I got next to him to pass I took a peek, and I swear, he looked like the Crypt Keeper. Homeboy was OLD. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes were just blank, staring, like a zombie. The only thing lively on on him was his liver spots. I kept glancing over for a bit because I seriously thought something might be wrong. The only thing wrong was that he still was allowed on the road. Coupla years ago, I was flying in to visit my Grandma in Florida. She picked me up - and took me on what was to be one of the most terrifying 45-minute rides of my life. Once we got to her place (and I was done kissing the ground) she asked if I would do all of the driving while I was there. Does a bear shit in the woods and wipe his ass with a rabbit? Does a fat kid like cake? (I do!) Does winning 5 million dollars sound nice? FUCKIN' A! Once folks get over 70, they need to be tested every year, for their own safety and the safety of others on the road. Period. Which beings me to my next peeve...
4. Driving is a privilege, and they need to tighten things up in this country.
It's not just old people with declining driving skills. Apparently, people under 20 have no business on the road either. There has been discussion about raising the driving age, and I think that's a brilliant idea. No one can argue that most of the auto accidents claiming lives involve drivers under 25, and most people under 25 drive like assholes, gotta be cool, gotta be a tough guy at the expense of safety, learned from their daddy (who is a shitty driver), etc. I'm sure the grisly statistics would drop if the driving age was raised, and there would be less traffic on the roads, which is better for everyone and the planet, too. But let's not forget the people in-between 20 and 70, like chronic drunk drivers. If I'm not mistaken one Scandinavian country has a rule that if you're caught driving drunk ONCE you lose your license FOREVER. There, once the license is lost, they just accept it and don't drive. Obviously, in America, we're of the mentality that we'll drive anyway license revocation be damned, it's our damn right to drive (again, it's a privilege not a right). Other people are just crap drivers. Ideas: Change the Driver's Test, which is a joke. Make it more than just a manual and a cheesy written test. Make it a course (and course materials come in only one language - ENGLISH) that takes a few weeks with physical tests in-between under controlled conditions, and make it costly, like $300. Folks who just don't have the knack will learn they're better off taking the bus BEFORE they take out a family of five on the highway. If they fail, they can keep paying to re-take the course until they do. If they don't pass after 3 attempts, they cannot try again for 2 years. If anyone is caught driving without a license, they need to go to jail for a length of time that would make it not worth getting caught. The benefit of this is that the fundamentals of driving would be drilled into everyone's heads, not shortcuts and bad driving habits taught by Uncle Bobby who had his license suspended - twice. The State gets extra revenue, more jobs are created to transport those who can't pass the course, and the public shares the road with safer drivers. Everyone wins. Speaking of taking the bus...
5. People who talk loudly on their cell phones in public.
Dammit, would you PLEASE lower your voice? NOBODY CARES about your date last night, NOBODY cares that you told off so-and-so, NOBODY thinks you're a badass because you're talking about who you rolled yesterday for money that was owed you. But we ALL think you're an inconsiderate asshole trying to showboat how cool you are. We especially LOVE to hear you curse out loud and say rude things, 'cos it's oh-so classy of you. Does anyone remember discretion? We don't GIVE A FUCK about you and what you do and who you're talking with. Sorry. If this is what you do for attention, that's pretty pathetic. No one thinks you're extra special because you have a cell phone. Here's a newsflash - most people have one of those too, so no one is impressed. Even more annoying - people who yammer loudly on their phone...in a foreign language. GAHHHHH! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I can't possibly be the only person who loves to use the time on the bus or train to appreciate QUIET ME TIME. When you're on public conveyance, you're probably on your way to work (noisy, folks up your ass all day) going home (dinner, laundry, hollering children, chatty spouse, etc.) or going out to socialize (fun, but noisy). The bus/train time is a time to enjoy being incommunicado so you can be with your own thoughts, and then here comes LaQuita Jenkins ("I be tellin' dat mudderfuckah he NEED to be calling me and not dat other bitch!"), Mr. "The Man" HighPower Exec, "Well, I do these types of deals all day, usually deals like that aren't worth my time, but I figured I'd help Dan out, since he lacks my savvy in dealing with these kind of people."), Ms. Susie College ("Oh. My. God. Can you believe there will be no more TRL? Oh My God. And did ya hear about Linda? Can you believe she hugged Billy last night right in front of her!! Oh my God!! Yes she did!!!) and Elroy McCrip ("Ima bust a cap in dat niggahs ass who he think he playin' wit?) and Consuelo EnEspanol ("awholelottastuffcompletelyin95mphSpanishthatIdon'tunderstandspokenattopvolume"). I hate you people. Kindly go die.
Pet Peeves #10 -(originally posted 10/3/08)
1. The, "it's not my job" morons.
I know my job description, and I get enough work to do within it without having to take on someoneelse's responsibilities. However, every now and then I'm asked to step outside of my box - or cubicle, depending on the situation - and wear a different hat. I don't have a problem with that (unless, of course, it's involves hiding a body, selling something illegal or eating olives; okay, maybe I would help hide a body...nevermind) *ahem* point is, no one should have a problem with helping out when asked to perform an act they wouldn't normally be responsible for, especially when it involves an injured living thing. This afternoon, some idiot hit a cat with his/her car in our office park and basically left it to die. We have a security force and maintenance people for the building all of whom said, "sorry, that's not my job" and walked away. No offer to call, no indication there was a plan in place for injured animals, nothing. Are we kidding? There are about 7 companies in my building with people hanging out smoking and NO ONE hears and kitty mewling in pain? By the time my office found out about it, (and we were the last to know, apparently) and a lady in our Marketing Department rushed it to her Vet, it died :( The only thing sadder was that of the 8 places some of us called, no one would come get it, or they would turn it away if the person who brought it did not assume responsibility for it. Sorry, that is fucking bullshit. The girl who found her and the lady who tried to get it care have been spending the afternoon crying, and the rest of us trying hard not to :( it's wrong to wish evil on anyone, but I hope the people who could have done something, but just didn't are treated with the same indifference when they're in need of immediate care. Assholes.
2. People who forward email rumors without checking if they're true.
When you get an email that says something that sounds too retarded to be true or even if it sounds like it could be true - please please please for the love of Gawd go to Snopes.com, breakthechain.org or other Internet rumor confirmation site and see if its true or false before you spread it to all of your friends. I know you folks mean well, but if you cared enough to send it to me in the first place, think about how much more I'd appreciate it if you didn't give me one more thing - and it's not even true - to worry about. If you don't want to check it's authenticity, then don't send it at all. Don't worry - I'm sure someone else will send me another one just like it.
3. People who figure that they're only going to Home Depot/Super Market/Post Office and hygiene is just not a big deal.
No one is going to ever mistake me for a model, I'll never get any awards for my definitely NOT designer clothing. I don't even wear makeup 90% of the time (I may not have the Tall/Skinny gene but dammit, I have great skin). But I DO bathe, brush my teeth and comb my hair before I walk out of the door, even if it's to somewhere not-so-exciting. I'll never understand people who roll out of bed and show up at the Home Depot/Super Market/Post Office and OH YEAH WALMART without washing their ass, scraping their microwave breakfast off of their teeth, running a comb their hair and checking that their clothes don't look as though is was used for barnyard flooring. I guess they figure that the destination doesn't merit such consideration. Now, I understand those hard-working men who needed to run to Lowe's real quick for something to complete a job they're on, but that doesn't excuse the women, those wild-haired, greasy sweatpant-wearing eyesores who stink to the point that your nostils fly back as if they were hit by a cricket bat. Ladies, how do you ever expect to get laid or meet the man of your dreams if you look and smell like a cross-dressing wrestler on a coffee break? C'mon! You don't have to bust out the Versace but if I smell ya before I see ya - I'm sure the really hot construction dude did too, and you are NOT getting any play. Nope. None. And perfume does NOT cover it up - you smell like a sweaty musk-ox. Fat Albert and the crew sang it best: "Soap and water. A toothbrush and a comb. You should learn to use them, or you will stand alone."
I know my job description, and I get enough work to do within it without having to take on someoneelse's responsibilities. However, every now and then I'm asked to step outside of my box - or cubicle, depending on the situation - and wear a different hat. I don't have a problem with that (unless, of course, it's involves hiding a body, selling something illegal or eating olives; okay, maybe I would help hide a body...nevermind) *ahem* point is, no one should have a problem with helping out when asked to perform an act they wouldn't normally be responsible for, especially when it involves an injured living thing. This afternoon, some idiot hit a cat with his/her car in our office park and basically left it to die. We have a security force and maintenance people for the building all of whom said, "sorry, that's not my job" and walked away. No offer to call, no indication there was a plan in place for injured animals, nothing. Are we kidding? There are about 7 companies in my building with people hanging out smoking and NO ONE hears and kitty mewling in pain? By the time my office found out about it, (and we were the last to know, apparently) and a lady in our Marketing Department rushed it to her Vet, it died :( The only thing sadder was that of the 8 places some of us called, no one would come get it, or they would turn it away if the person who brought it did not assume responsibility for it. Sorry, that is fucking bullshit. The girl who found her and the lady who tried to get it care have been spending the afternoon crying, and the rest of us trying hard not to :( it's wrong to wish evil on anyone, but I hope the people who could have done something, but just didn't are treated with the same indifference when they're in need of immediate care. Assholes.
2. People who forward email rumors without checking if they're true.
When you get an email that says something that sounds too retarded to be true or even if it sounds like it could be true - please please please for the love of Gawd go to Snopes.com, breakthechain.org or other Internet rumor confirmation site and see if its true or false before you spread it to all of your friends. I know you folks mean well, but if you cared enough to send it to me in the first place, think about how much more I'd appreciate it if you didn't give me one more thing - and it's not even true - to worry about. If you don't want to check it's authenticity, then don't send it at all. Don't worry - I'm sure someone else will send me another one just like it.
3. People who figure that they're only going to Home Depot/Super Market/Post Office and hygiene is just not a big deal.
No one is going to ever mistake me for a model, I'll never get any awards for my definitely NOT designer clothing. I don't even wear makeup 90% of the time (I may not have the Tall/Skinny gene but dammit, I have great skin). But I DO bathe, brush my teeth and comb my hair before I walk out of the door, even if it's to somewhere not-so-exciting. I'll never understand people who roll out of bed and show up at the Home Depot/Super Market/Post Office and OH YEAH WALMART without washing their ass, scraping their microwave breakfast off of their teeth, running a comb their hair and checking that their clothes don't look as though is was used for barnyard flooring. I guess they figure that the destination doesn't merit such consideration. Now, I understand those hard-working men who needed to run to Lowe's real quick for something to complete a job they're on, but that doesn't excuse the women, those wild-haired, greasy sweatpant-wearing eyesores who stink to the point that your nostils fly back as if they were hit by a cricket bat. Ladies, how do you ever expect to get laid or meet the man of your dreams if you look and smell like a cross-dressing wrestler on a coffee break? C'mon! You don't have to bust out the Versace but if I smell ya before I see ya - I'm sure the really hot construction dude did too, and you are NOT getting any play. Nope. None. And perfume does NOT cover it up - you smell like a sweaty musk-ox. Fat Albert and the crew sang it best: "Soap and water. A toothbrush and a comb. You should learn to use them, or you will stand alone."
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Pet Peeves #9 - (Originally posted 9/23/08)
1. Calling people who aren't rock stars "Rock Stars".
Maybe I'm being elitist, but I'm really getting annoyed at who gets called a 'rock star' these days. Rock music, if I can offer a very loose definition, is music that guitar-based, not quite commercial, not always standard, is fearless and has some kind of edge. Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Rihanna, Shakira...they are POP stars. They play commercialized, formulaic, safe music for the masses and except for a song or two where the guitarist had to dig out his lame-ass dusty distortion pedal, it is NOT ROCK MUSIC. NOT. Lil' Wayne and Jay-Z are RAP stars, NOT rock stars. C'mon, people, get it right. Motley Crue are rock stars. Metallica are rock stars. The Rolling Stones, Tina Turner, Prince, even Kid Rock, Ice-T and Good Charlotte are rock stars. Sting is still a rock star even though he's mellowed considerably. Pink could be if she wanted to. Pussycat Dolls? NO. Lindsay Lohan...you can't b/e serious. I don't care if their stylist puts them in a Motorhead shirt. I don't care how much they party like rock stars or try to. They aren't. If being called a pop star is too boring, then they need to play real rock music. But we know why pop stars won't. Playing real rock music is too risky and dangerous, which is what rock should still be about and about the other thing you need to be a real rock star - BALLS. Until Miley cranks up the amps and sings about death, pain, sex and curses - censors be damned - wear your pop princess crown with pride, honey. Because I don't care how many mags try to say you are, or how many songs title "Rock Star" you write, you will never truly be one. Sorry. I'm not dissing any of these wanna-bes, because obviously they are doing quite well for themselves. But stop aligning these people with something they're clearly not.
2. Christian organizations that send spam.
I'm sorry, there is just something fundamentally wrong with that.
3. "The Scene".
I've been a musician for a long time now and still love what I do. I am proud of the music I've made over the years with the musicians I've played with and the friends and fans I've played for. There is truly nothing like it, and if I did a memoir it would be very entertaining. But what has really been burning my biscuits is how hard some of us work to uplift a scene full of ungrateful, unprofessional and uninterested people. The fans want good music and we want to bring it to them, and some bands, venues and promoters work hours a day to support their local scene making hardly anything while the rest just seem to float, try to scam or flat out not give a shit for whatever reason. I've decided that I'm taking a break from promoting and such and concentrating on my band, the bands I manage and my colleagues who have businesses that work hard and appreciate what I bring to bear. That will be more time for my husband, my family and friends, time that isn't wasted on people who could care less or always looking for experience and knowledge for nothing and to do nothing with it. Any information or experience I glean in the future will be shared with those people who truly support. You know who you are :)
4. Don't bitch about foreign call centers if you don't do things right in the first place.
I hate calling India to fix my printer as much as the next person. However, if you were to do something non-technical and you FUBAR, or worse still, just didn't do what you should have done in the first place, don't think I'll be be sympathetic because you had to call someone you could barely understand in some developing nation to get you out of your self-made morass. Next time, DUMBASS pay attention to your work. The only good thing about outsourcing is that people here actually take more care doing something because they don't want to call the foreign help desk and get someone who you can call "AJ"...and that was last thing he said you understood. Which brings me to #5...
5. Stop selling our country out by outsourcing to foreign countries.
It's becoming more and more apparent that if you're American and looking for a job, maybe you should move to India or China or South America or the Phillipines since that's were the jobs - our jobs - went. Big business loves outsourcing. It saves money, which keeps the shareholders happy (don't you love how when a company lays off people their stock goes up?). The American that used to do that job that was supporting his family and is now applying for unemployment...not so much. You know who else isn't happy? Workers like me who are grateful for the job they have but really hates this outsourcing shit for two really good reasons - our fellow Americans getting laid off by the thousands and the fact that outsourcing DOES NOT IMPROVE EFFICIENCY. If our system farted and we couldn't do our work, I used to be able to leave my cubicle, walk 25 feet and get our IT guy to come over and fix it so I could get right back to work. Now, I have to fill out a form. Then I have to go to what's left of the IT department (everyone else was laid off) and THEY fill out a form. They then call a number which routes through the Philippines to India to put in a ticket, then I have to call India with the details of my problem. I'm already pissed off because I've already wasted 20-30 minutes, and now I'm talking to some dude I can't understand and getting more and more pissed because I'm asking him to repeat just about EVERYTHING that come out of his mouth. I really love the part when they ask how important my situation is on a scale of 1-4, and do I feel it needs to be taken care of immediately. ARE WE KIDDING? WOULD YOU FIX THE MOTHERFUCKER BEFORE I FLY WHERE YOU ARE, AND TAKE YOUR HEADSET, AND CRAM IT UP YOUR ASS, PLEASE! YES, THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE UNTIL IT'S FIXED MY ENTIRE MOTHERFUCKING DEPARTMENT CAN'T DO OUR MOTHERFUCKING JOBS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Then I have to wait anywhere from 1-2 HOURS (or more) before they get around to fixing my problem. This is efficiency? This is worth selling out America and saving a few bucks?
Maybe I'm being elitist, but I'm really getting annoyed at who gets called a 'rock star' these days. Rock music, if I can offer a very loose definition, is music that guitar-based, not quite commercial, not always standard, is fearless and has some kind of edge. Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Rihanna, Shakira...they are POP stars. They play commercialized, formulaic, safe music for the masses and except for a song or two where the guitarist had to dig out his lame-ass dusty distortion pedal, it is NOT ROCK MUSIC. NOT. Lil' Wayne and Jay-Z are RAP stars, NOT rock stars. C'mon, people, get it right. Motley Crue are rock stars. Metallica are rock stars. The Rolling Stones, Tina Turner, Prince, even Kid Rock, Ice-T and Good Charlotte are rock stars. Sting is still a rock star even though he's mellowed considerably. Pink could be if she wanted to. Pussycat Dolls? NO. Lindsay Lohan...you can't b/e serious. I don't care if their stylist puts them in a Motorhead shirt. I don't care how much they party like rock stars or try to. They aren't. If being called a pop star is too boring, then they need to play real rock music. But we know why pop stars won't. Playing real rock music is too risky and dangerous, which is what rock should still be about and about the other thing you need to be a real rock star - BALLS. Until Miley cranks up the amps and sings about death, pain, sex and curses - censors be damned - wear your pop princess crown with pride, honey. Because I don't care how many mags try to say you are, or how many songs title "Rock Star" you write, you will never truly be one. Sorry. I'm not dissing any of these wanna-bes, because obviously they are doing quite well for themselves. But stop aligning these people with something they're clearly not.
2. Christian organizations that send spam.
I'm sorry, there is just something fundamentally wrong with that.
3. "The Scene".
I've been a musician for a long time now and still love what I do. I am proud of the music I've made over the years with the musicians I've played with and the friends and fans I've played for. There is truly nothing like it, and if I did a memoir it would be very entertaining. But what has really been burning my biscuits is how hard some of us work to uplift a scene full of ungrateful, unprofessional and uninterested people. The fans want good music and we want to bring it to them, and some bands, venues and promoters work hours a day to support their local scene making hardly anything while the rest just seem to float, try to scam or flat out not give a shit for whatever reason. I've decided that I'm taking a break from promoting and such and concentrating on my band, the bands I manage and my colleagues who have businesses that work hard and appreciate what I bring to bear. That will be more time for my husband, my family and friends, time that isn't wasted on people who could care less or always looking for experience and knowledge for nothing and to do nothing with it. Any information or experience I glean in the future will be shared with those people who truly support. You know who you are :)
4. Don't bitch about foreign call centers if you don't do things right in the first place.
I hate calling India to fix my printer as much as the next person. However, if you were to do something non-technical and you FUBAR, or worse still, just didn't do what you should have done in the first place, don't think I'll be be sympathetic because you had to call someone you could barely understand in some developing nation to get you out of your self-made morass. Next time, DUMBASS pay attention to your work. The only good thing about outsourcing is that people here actually take more care doing something because they don't want to call the foreign help desk and get someone who you can call "AJ"...and that was last thing he said you understood. Which brings me to #5...
5. Stop selling our country out by outsourcing to foreign countries.
It's becoming more and more apparent that if you're American and looking for a job, maybe you should move to India or China or South America or the Phillipines since that's were the jobs - our jobs - went. Big business loves outsourcing. It saves money, which keeps the shareholders happy (don't you love how when a company lays off people their stock goes up?). The American that used to do that job that was supporting his family and is now applying for unemployment...not so much. You know who else isn't happy? Workers like me who are grateful for the job they have but really hates this outsourcing shit for two really good reasons - our fellow Americans getting laid off by the thousands and the fact that outsourcing DOES NOT IMPROVE EFFICIENCY. If our system farted and we couldn't do our work, I used to be able to leave my cubicle, walk 25 feet and get our IT guy to come over and fix it so I could get right back to work. Now, I have to fill out a form. Then I have to go to what's left of the IT department (everyone else was laid off) and THEY fill out a form. They then call a number which routes through the Philippines to India to put in a ticket, then I have to call India with the details of my problem. I'm already pissed off because I've already wasted 20-30 minutes, and now I'm talking to some dude I can't understand and getting more and more pissed because I'm asking him to repeat just about EVERYTHING that come out of his mouth. I really love the part when they ask how important my situation is on a scale of 1-4, and do I feel it needs to be taken care of immediately. ARE WE KIDDING? WOULD YOU FIX THE MOTHERFUCKER BEFORE I FLY WHERE YOU ARE, AND TAKE YOUR HEADSET, AND CRAM IT UP YOUR ASS, PLEASE! YES, THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE UNTIL IT'S FIXED MY ENTIRE MOTHERFUCKING DEPARTMENT CAN'T DO OUR MOTHERFUCKING JOBS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Then I have to wait anywhere from 1-2 HOURS (or more) before they get around to fixing my problem. This is efficiency? This is worth selling out America and saving a few bucks?
Pet Peeves #8 - (Originally posted around 9/14/08)
1. Ungrateful, classless fellow musicians!
Saturday night, my band played a show. (Thanks to everyone who came out during the storm - I appreciate it very much!). What I didn't appreciate is the one individual who didn't have enough class to thank me for allowing her to use my rig. I had agreed to allow 3 other bands to use my rig to help out the bands coming out from NYC for the night. A simple, 'thanks for letting me use your equipment' is not only appreciated, it's the right fucking thing to do. Honey, I know my band is a tough act to follow, and I realize that as a bass player I just handed your ass to you. But suck it up. I don't need you to kiss my ass, but you balling your face up and snorting at me when I asked a basic question so I could get you ready for your set was pretty shitty. If you're going to have that kind of attitude next time you can haul your own cabinet and amp to an event we're both playing. Heffa.
2. People who have problems with simple words.
When I ask you to send me everything from your file on a particular matter, it isn't a matter of semantics. Everything means EVERYTHING. That means you toddle your narrow ass over to your file cabinet, open the appropriate file, and take out EVERYTHING. You then toddle your narrow ass over to your copy machine, copy EVERYTHING then send EVERYTHING to my attention. I don't understand why you have to receive 3 faxes and an email explaining this...and then you feel the need to call me about it. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Do I need to explain it in another language? JUST. SEND. ME. EVERYTHING.
JEEBUS!!!
3. Phone solicitors...who don't bother to even try to get your name right.
YOU Ms. Solicitor-calling-from-one-of-my-accounts-person. My name has 5 letters. Five. My last name has 5 too. I'm already pissed that you've called me during dinner, but when it takes you one whole minute to try and figure out how to say my name, I'm ready to reach through the phone line and rip your lips off. Are you seriously this retarded? When I come across a name I know I'm going to have problems with, I take a minute to read the name to myself so when I make the call to you, I'm at least in the ballpark. If you are going to call someone who really doesn't wanna hear from you, at least extend the courtesy of committing to a pronunciation instead of stammering through a five-letter name like it's an exotic disease with 25 letters and containing 18 consonants. By then I DEFINITELY don't want what you're offering; but I do want to empty a cup of fire ants into your underwear.
4. Just because I have boobs, it doesn't mean I don't know anything about cars or sports.
I went to get my oil changed at one of those 10-minute joints. Overall, it was a pretty painless experience, except for...everything but the actual oil change. The manager guy tried to get me to buy an air filter for $25 helpfully advising in a condescending voice what an air filter does and a new one would help my gas mileage. "I'm aware of that, thank you." I say with a smile, wondering WTF he was smoking if he thought I was going to pay $25 for an air filter. Then he tried to get me to pay $69 for the internal filter. I told him I didn't have enough cash with me but I'd get back to him. By then I KNEW what he was smoking if he thought I was going to pay that! It gets better, though. When paying for the oil change, he asked if I would be willing to donate to the Boomer Esiason Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I said I'd donate a coupla bucks. He then felt the need to say that Boomer was a football player. I advised I was aware of that. He then had to mention he was a quarterback for the Giants. If you know Football, you know that homeboy should have quit while he was ahead.
5. Just because YOU have boobs, it doesn't make you alright with me.
I'm a thinker. I am proud of my brain cells and the fact I give them work to do. That means it takes more than hype, more than words, and more than a strong persona to make me give a crap about you. I don't care if you have a vagina. If I don't agree with your views, you having breasts isn't going to make me agree with you. A lot of people are excited about Sarah Palin. Again, I am a Moderate Independent - I'm part of the Swing Vote. Sure, it would be cool to have a female Vice President, but when a woman does make it to office I want it to be one who is going to fight for my rights, not take them away, as she will. I want it to be a woman who knows censorship of any kind undermines one of the best things about this country; Ms. Palin would rather force libraries to censor books. I don't need a woman in office who, if it wasn't for the opportunity to get Hillary's supporters to support the Republican ticket, would be at home squeezing out more kids without regard to their health and hers. I want a woman who is proud to be an American as part of this country, not like Ms. Palin, who was/is an active member of a group that fights for Alaska to secede from the Union. To those who think she'll be the one who will get people like me to vote Republican just because she has spunk, breasts, and an illegitimate grandchild child on the way is insulting my intelligence. And I don't like that one bit.
Saturday night, my band played a show. (Thanks to everyone who came out during the storm - I appreciate it very much!). What I didn't appreciate is the one individual who didn't have enough class to thank me for allowing her to use my rig. I had agreed to allow 3 other bands to use my rig to help out the bands coming out from NYC for the night. A simple, 'thanks for letting me use your equipment' is not only appreciated, it's the right fucking thing to do. Honey, I know my band is a tough act to follow, and I realize that as a bass player I just handed your ass to you. But suck it up. I don't need you to kiss my ass, but you balling your face up and snorting at me when I asked a basic question so I could get you ready for your set was pretty shitty. If you're going to have that kind of attitude next time you can haul your own cabinet and amp to an event we're both playing. Heffa.
2. People who have problems with simple words.
When I ask you to send me everything from your file on a particular matter, it isn't a matter of semantics. Everything means EVERYTHING. That means you toddle your narrow ass over to your file cabinet, open the appropriate file, and take out EVERYTHING. You then toddle your narrow ass over to your copy machine, copy EVERYTHING then send EVERYTHING to my attention. I don't understand why you have to receive 3 faxes and an email explaining this...and then you feel the need to call me about it. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Do I need to explain it in another language? JUST. SEND. ME. EVERYTHING.
JEEBUS!!!
3. Phone solicitors...who don't bother to even try to get your name right.
YOU Ms. Solicitor-calling-from-one-of-my-accounts-person. My name has 5 letters. Five. My last name has 5 too. I'm already pissed that you've called me during dinner, but when it takes you one whole minute to try and figure out how to say my name, I'm ready to reach through the phone line and rip your lips off. Are you seriously this retarded? When I come across a name I know I'm going to have problems with, I take a minute to read the name to myself so when I make the call to you, I'm at least in the ballpark. If you are going to call someone who really doesn't wanna hear from you, at least extend the courtesy of committing to a pronunciation instead of stammering through a five-letter name like it's an exotic disease with 25 letters and containing 18 consonants. By then I DEFINITELY don't want what you're offering; but I do want to empty a cup of fire ants into your underwear.
4. Just because I have boobs, it doesn't mean I don't know anything about cars or sports.
I went to get my oil changed at one of those 10-minute joints. Overall, it was a pretty painless experience, except for...everything but the actual oil change. The manager guy tried to get me to buy an air filter for $25 helpfully advising in a condescending voice what an air filter does and a new one would help my gas mileage. "I'm aware of that, thank you." I say with a smile, wondering WTF he was smoking if he thought I was going to pay $25 for an air filter. Then he tried to get me to pay $69 for the internal filter. I told him I didn't have enough cash with me but I'd get back to him. By then I KNEW what he was smoking if he thought I was going to pay that! It gets better, though. When paying for the oil change, he asked if I would be willing to donate to the Boomer Esiason Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I said I'd donate a coupla bucks. He then felt the need to say that Boomer was a football player. I advised I was aware of that. He then had to mention he was a quarterback for the Giants. If you know Football, you know that homeboy should have quit while he was ahead.
5. Just because YOU have boobs, it doesn't make you alright with me.
I'm a thinker. I am proud of my brain cells and the fact I give them work to do. That means it takes more than hype, more than words, and more than a strong persona to make me give a crap about you. I don't care if you have a vagina. If I don't agree with your views, you having breasts isn't going to make me agree with you. A lot of people are excited about Sarah Palin. Again, I am a Moderate Independent - I'm part of the Swing Vote. Sure, it would be cool to have a female Vice President, but when a woman does make it to office I want it to be one who is going to fight for my rights, not take them away, as she will. I want it to be a woman who knows censorship of any kind undermines one of the best things about this country; Ms. Palin would rather force libraries to censor books. I don't need a woman in office who, if it wasn't for the opportunity to get Hillary's supporters to support the Republican ticket, would be at home squeezing out more kids without regard to their health and hers. I want a woman who is proud to be an American as part of this country, not like Ms. Palin, who was/is an active member of a group that fights for Alaska to secede from the Union. To those who think she'll be the one who will get people like me to vote Republican just because she has spunk, breasts, and an illegitimate grandchild child on the way is insulting my intelligence. And I don't like that one bit.
Pet Peeves #7 - (Originally posted 9/3/08)
1. Spammers, and the people who keep them in business.
Why in the WORLD would anyone even open an email that is titled: "Paris Hilton elected Israel Priminister". Are we kidding? Get an email entitled "Breaking News!!" from someone you don't know? GO TO THE HOMEPAGE OF YOUR FAVE INTERNET PROVIDER and see if it's there (and true). If Britney really did take new naked pics and sent them to the Pope, it'll be on the front page. Trust me. And don't open the one from someone you've never heard of who sends you an email entitled, "Plumb her depths with your massive tool". Want a larger penis? GOOGLE IT. Want free porn? that's easy to find, don't open that email about hot under-aged Russian girls. With all of the porn on the Internet today why would you need to get ANY of it from some dude named Sergei Poperstuff (unless, of course, you really know someone with that name). People. Seriously. STOP OPENING SPAM EMAILS. You know what you get when you do? MORE SPAM. And if you're one of those folks who never BCC their emails, you're sending this spam to your friends and family, too, because that email titled 'free download of Lindsay Lohan spreading' just raided your address book. I'm sure your Grandma is ALL about the "Fire Crotch".
2. People who ask for the advice of many and then follows through on NONE of it due to sheer lack of effort.
As I learned from my Nana back in the day, I am well-aware that when people ask for advice 9 times out of 10 they don't really want your advice with the intent of following it, it is for primarily two OTHER reasons: 1) to see if you're 'in their corner' on that particular issue and have their back; and 2) Reinforce what action they have already chosen to take. But, there are those occasions when someone truly clueless asks for your help on a serious issue because they truly don't know where to start. This person has every intention of using the feedback gleaned from his/her friends but the problem is that the individual in need is either really that stupid, or they're lazy, or if you've hit the dumbass jackpot - both. I have wasted my breath for the last time on this person because they did the polar-opposite of what was recommended to them for the lamest reasons EVER; and I'm sure I'm one of many who provided the same type of advice to this person that feel the same way. I'm DONE with assisting someone who at the end of the day has only two brain cells to work with (and they're fighting each other). After speaking with the person about the clusterfuck of a result due to their stupidity and laziness, I'm sure I could not hide the disgust in my voice, especially since my time and best intentions have been previously abused by this person. Next time, my friend, if you're going to go down in flames, tell me when you're done screwing it all up beyond repair and it's already in the record books. This way, you haven't stolen time out of my life I'll never get back - AGAIN - trying to help your fucking ass out.
3. People who can't live up to their word.
If you've been paying attention, you know I'm about as straight-up as any human is going to get. If I tell you I'm going to do something, I do it. If I can't, I will tell you so. If we agree that I'm going to do something for you in exchange for something, I'm going to keep up my end of the bargain, and when I show up to collect what was promised, I don't wanna hear any excuses, I don't want to be bull-shitted, I don't want to have to chase you around, and don't play stupid with me. How is anyone going to ever have any real respect for you or trust you if you can't live up to your end of ANY deal? How can you build up a reputation of any integrity when you can't complete a simple transaction on the most basic level? It boggles the mind. I knew the assignment was dangerous when I took it (and I had to take it), so I saw this coming, and I'm not too surprised. But it doesn't make it suck any less!
4. The United States has GOT to get a strong Independent Party.
This two-party crap IS NOT WORKING. It's polarizing, and keep things from moving as smoothly as they could because the agenda is more about towing the party line than it is about being reasonable and doing what is best for my country. We have two choices for this election - one dude with not nearly enough experience but is seen by many as (just about) the second coming of Christ and another dude who is going continue the same crap we've been enduring for the last 8 years. And the worst part is we have to choose between them. They play the middle of the political field as if they're jogging through a cow pasture in light-colored Manolo Blahniks; in other words, having to be on one-side of the proverbial fence or the other because their party dictates they have to. What happened to balance? What happened to making decisions based on what is truly fair and what the people want, not whether or not it vibes with the party's ideals (or who contributed to your campaign)? Maybe I'm being an idealist, but I KNOW I'm not the only person who agrees with many aspects of both parties but is either forced to pick one, or, like me, choose to be an Independent with no strong base or candidate. But we march forward anyway, and then are doomed to pick someone who either too far left or right who will not make us happy. I seriously - for the first time in my life - may not even vote this year.
Why in the WORLD would anyone even open an email that is titled: "Paris Hilton elected Israel Priminister". Are we kidding? Get an email entitled "Breaking News!!" from someone you don't know? GO TO THE HOMEPAGE OF YOUR FAVE INTERNET PROVIDER and see if it's there (and true). If Britney really did take new naked pics and sent them to the Pope, it'll be on the front page. Trust me. And don't open the one from someone you've never heard of who sends you an email entitled, "Plumb her depths with your massive tool". Want a larger penis? GOOGLE IT. Want free porn? that's easy to find, don't open that email about hot under-aged Russian girls. With all of the porn on the Internet today why would you need to get ANY of it from some dude named Sergei Poperstuff (unless, of course, you really know someone with that name). People. Seriously. STOP OPENING SPAM EMAILS. You know what you get when you do? MORE SPAM. And if you're one of those folks who never BCC their emails, you're sending this spam to your friends and family, too, because that email titled 'free download of Lindsay Lohan spreading' just raided your address book. I'm sure your Grandma is ALL about the "Fire Crotch".
2. People who ask for the advice of many and then follows through on NONE of it due to sheer lack of effort.
As I learned from my Nana back in the day, I am well-aware that when people ask for advice 9 times out of 10 they don't really want your advice with the intent of following it, it is for primarily two OTHER reasons: 1) to see if you're 'in their corner' on that particular issue and have their back; and 2) Reinforce what action they have already chosen to take. But, there are those occasions when someone truly clueless asks for your help on a serious issue because they truly don't know where to start. This person has every intention of using the feedback gleaned from his/her friends but the problem is that the individual in need is either really that stupid, or they're lazy, or if you've hit the dumbass jackpot - both. I have wasted my breath for the last time on this person because they did the polar-opposite of what was recommended to them for the lamest reasons EVER; and I'm sure I'm one of many who provided the same type of advice to this person that feel the same way. I'm DONE with assisting someone who at the end of the day has only two brain cells to work with (and they're fighting each other). After speaking with the person about the clusterfuck of a result due to their stupidity and laziness, I'm sure I could not hide the disgust in my voice, especially since my time and best intentions have been previously abused by this person. Next time, my friend, if you're going to go down in flames, tell me when you're done screwing it all up beyond repair and it's already in the record books. This way, you haven't stolen time out of my life I'll never get back - AGAIN - trying to help your fucking ass out.
3. People who can't live up to their word.
If you've been paying attention, you know I'm about as straight-up as any human is going to get. If I tell you I'm going to do something, I do it. If I can't, I will tell you so. If we agree that I'm going to do something for you in exchange for something, I'm going to keep up my end of the bargain, and when I show up to collect what was promised, I don't wanna hear any excuses, I don't want to be bull-shitted, I don't want to have to chase you around, and don't play stupid with me. How is anyone going to ever have any real respect for you or trust you if you can't live up to your end of ANY deal? How can you build up a reputation of any integrity when you can't complete a simple transaction on the most basic level? It boggles the mind. I knew the assignment was dangerous when I took it (and I had to take it), so I saw this coming, and I'm not too surprised. But it doesn't make it suck any less!
4. The United States has GOT to get a strong Independent Party.
This two-party crap IS NOT WORKING. It's polarizing, and keep things from moving as smoothly as they could because the agenda is more about towing the party line than it is about being reasonable and doing what is best for my country. We have two choices for this election - one dude with not nearly enough experience but is seen by many as (just about) the second coming of Christ and another dude who is going continue the same crap we've been enduring for the last 8 years. And the worst part is we have to choose between them. They play the middle of the political field as if they're jogging through a cow pasture in light-colored Manolo Blahniks; in other words, having to be on one-side of the proverbial fence or the other because their party dictates they have to. What happened to balance? What happened to making decisions based on what is truly fair and what the people want, not whether or not it vibes with the party's ideals (or who contributed to your campaign)? Maybe I'm being an idealist, but I KNOW I'm not the only person who agrees with many aspects of both parties but is either forced to pick one, or, like me, choose to be an Independent with no strong base or candidate. But we march forward anyway, and then are doomed to pick someone who either too far left or right who will not make us happy. I seriously - for the first time in my life - may not even vote this year.
Pet Peeves #6 - (Originally posted 8/15/08)
1. Blender needs to get off Lil Wayne's Dick.
Seriously. Every issue they are kising his ass so hard their cheeks must have cramps. Then they finally had him on the cover. Not that it matters - they mention him so much in each issue they may as well call themselves "Lil' Wayne Monthly". I can tolerate their consistent snubbing of Metal and I generally think it's a fun music mag to read, but c'mon already. Yes, he's interesting. Yes, he is rather inventive. I GET IT. MOVE ON TO ANOTHER ARTIST ALREADY THANK YOU.
2. Folks, it's a buffet. Get over yourselves!
I was at a good Buffet recently. As with most buffets, you don't know how something is going to taste until you've got it on your plate. Sometimes it's good, sometimes...not so much.
Well, this dude decided quite loudly that of the 4 meats that were laid out for his gastronomic delight (and he did have all 4 on his plates), he felt that the pork loin was too dry for his liking and he was going to report it to the Chef.
Are we kidding?
IT'S A BUFFET ASSHOLE. If the pork loin didn't suit your obviously too-cultured-to-be-in-a-buffet-with-the-commoners palate, you put it aside and pick something else. Apparently he wasn't kidding; he called the manager who brought out the chef and Mr. Pork Loin leaned back in chair with his legs crossed advising the chef of his displeasure as though he was at Tavern on the Green and he just paid $50 for his plate. He paid $15.99. No, in fact, he probably didn't since this was at a casino and he probably got it comped! Ya self-important douche, ya.
3.Forwarding emails without using BCC!!!
I love receiving emails because that means someone thought enough of me to send me something, and my friends and family send me some great stuff. What I DON'T love are when I get emails that have all of the previous receivers' email addresses. I can't say it enough, people, it takes 2 seconds to remove those addresses and save the people you love from being abused by spammers. How do you think spammers get those names? EMAILS THAT HAVE BEEN FORWARDED ALL OVER TARNATION WITHOUT THE PREVIOUS ADDRESSES REMOVED! When you forward something, just erase everything non-essential to the email you are sending. Highlight and delete. That's it. This is important, especially at work. Believe me, I am just as happy to not have my name culled by another spammer as I am to get a great joke from you, and I'm sure you feel the same :)
4. Band contests that make people register to vote for their favorite band.
Unless you really haven't been paying attention, you know I'm in a band. Being in an active band means many contests that require votes, and to make it more daunting, your fans have to register to yet another website they'll more than likely never visit again. Worse still, some require your fans to vote daily. We did it for the Warped Tour thing and we're grateful to everyone who signed up and voted for us, but we hate tormenting our fans this way, and at the end of the day it's never the most talented bands that win, just the ones that aggravated every person they've ever met to constantly vote. What happened to the days of companies actually listening to band submissions and going with the ones who actually possess talent instead of just trying to bulk up their email lists and make others do the work for them? I'm jus' sayin'...
5. Kabillion-dollar celebrity baby pics.
It boggles my mind why the common man is so obsessed about getting "first look" at a celebrity's baby that there is a market to offer a celebrity who is already making more money than they ever should be able to spend MILLIONS of dollars for pics of the infant. (Damn, that was a long sentence! Steven, don't yell at me for that LOL). MILLIONS of dollars for a look at a celebrity's baby that looks like...a wrinkled newborn baby that looks like anybody else's wrinkled newborn baby. At least Angelina and Brad are donating the ridiculous sum offered, but what about the rest of them? MILLIONS of dollars that could be used for something of practical use and meaning wasted on a shot of a newborn. Think about that. I wonder if whichever Madden brother urped Nicole Richie (who are both rich) donated some of that tabloid money to Save the Music or to AIDS or to Cancer research, etc. Oh wait, I guess poor slobs like me are supposed to do that...and spend $3 to buy the mageazine with your ankle-biter's pics in them. Pathetic.
Seriously. Every issue they are kising his ass so hard their cheeks must have cramps. Then they finally had him on the cover. Not that it matters - they mention him so much in each issue they may as well call themselves "Lil' Wayne Monthly". I can tolerate their consistent snubbing of Metal and I generally think it's a fun music mag to read, but c'mon already. Yes, he's interesting. Yes, he is rather inventive. I GET IT. MOVE ON TO ANOTHER ARTIST ALREADY THANK YOU.
2. Folks, it's a buffet. Get over yourselves!
I was at a good Buffet recently. As with most buffets, you don't know how something is going to taste until you've got it on your plate. Sometimes it's good, sometimes...not so much.
Well, this dude decided quite loudly that of the 4 meats that were laid out for his gastronomic delight (and he did have all 4 on his plates), he felt that the pork loin was too dry for his liking and he was going to report it to the Chef.
Are we kidding?
IT'S A BUFFET ASSHOLE. If the pork loin didn't suit your obviously too-cultured-to-be-in-a-buffet-with-the-commoners palate, you put it aside and pick something else. Apparently he wasn't kidding; he called the manager who brought out the chef and Mr. Pork Loin leaned back in chair with his legs crossed advising the chef of his displeasure as though he was at Tavern on the Green and he just paid $50 for his plate. He paid $15.99. No, in fact, he probably didn't since this was at a casino and he probably got it comped! Ya self-important douche, ya.
3.Forwarding emails without using BCC!!!
I love receiving emails because that means someone thought enough of me to send me something, and my friends and family send me some great stuff. What I DON'T love are when I get emails that have all of the previous receivers' email addresses. I can't say it enough, people, it takes 2 seconds to remove those addresses and save the people you love from being abused by spammers. How do you think spammers get those names? EMAILS THAT HAVE BEEN FORWARDED ALL OVER TARNATION WITHOUT THE PREVIOUS ADDRESSES REMOVED! When you forward something, just erase everything non-essential to the email you are sending. Highlight and delete. That's it. This is important, especially at work. Believe me, I am just as happy to not have my name culled by another spammer as I am to get a great joke from you, and I'm sure you feel the same :)
4. Band contests that make people register to vote for their favorite band.
Unless you really haven't been paying attention, you know I'm in a band. Being in an active band means many contests that require votes, and to make it more daunting, your fans have to register to yet another website they'll more than likely never visit again. Worse still, some require your fans to vote daily. We did it for the Warped Tour thing and we're grateful to everyone who signed up and voted for us, but we hate tormenting our fans this way, and at the end of the day it's never the most talented bands that win, just the ones that aggravated every person they've ever met to constantly vote. What happened to the days of companies actually listening to band submissions and going with the ones who actually possess talent instead of just trying to bulk up their email lists and make others do the work for them? I'm jus' sayin'...
5. Kabillion-dollar celebrity baby pics.
It boggles my mind why the common man is so obsessed about getting "first look" at a celebrity's baby that there is a market to offer a celebrity who is already making more money than they ever should be able to spend MILLIONS of dollars for pics of the infant. (Damn, that was a long sentence! Steven, don't yell at me for that LOL). MILLIONS of dollars for a look at a celebrity's baby that looks like...a wrinkled newborn baby that looks like anybody else's wrinkled newborn baby. At least Angelina and Brad are donating the ridiculous sum offered, but what about the rest of them? MILLIONS of dollars that could be used for something of practical use and meaning wasted on a shot of a newborn. Think about that. I wonder if whichever Madden brother urped Nicole Richie (who are both rich) donated some of that tabloid money to Save the Music or to AIDS or to Cancer research, etc. Oh wait, I guess poor slobs like me are supposed to do that...and spend $3 to buy the mageazine with your ankle-biter's pics in them. Pathetic.
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