Pet Peeves #12 - (originally posted 10/31/08)

1. People who are not Metal throwing the "Devil Horns".
I've had it with people with no love, respect or affiliation with Heavy Metal music throwing the goat. WTF is up with that? The final straw is a new song by this Country act Rascal Flatts. The chorus goes something like, 'bob your head...giving that rock on sign' using the Devil Horns to denote this. ARE WE KIDDING? The sign of holding down your third and middle finger with your thumb and keeping up the index and the pinky is not a "Rock On" sign. It means HEAVY METAL. Not country, not pop, not winning some stupid award, not anything you think is fun or cool that has nothing to do with Metal music, like loving "High School Musical 3". Look, popular culture has stolen "mosh" and crowd surfing and RUINED them. I refuse, and I think other Metalheads should take a stand on this NOW - to let un-Metal people ruin The Horns as well. That has and always will belong to METAL MUSIC FANS. It is rather complimentary that the things we Metalheads do as a matter of course are secretly thought to be edgy and cool by the mainstream. However, if you can't walk the walk or talk the talk and the heaviest thing you like is Katy Perry then you should NEVEREVEREVAEVAEVA do the Devil Horns. At all. If you do, you should be slapped like a poseur at an old Exodus show (if you did not 'get' that last reference then point proven - you should definitely NEVER throw The Horns). Find your own hand-thing and accept the fact that you will never be as cool as we are. As Phil Anselmo once said, "you ain't got the balls, son!" I realize that sucks, but if you're going to hold Metalheads in such low regard in general and refuse to give us our props then you should want NOTHING of ours...especially the sign that gave us so much trouble with the mainstream to begin with - the Devil Horns. Just. Stop. It. Now.

2. Women who want to marry rich/successful men then get pissed that they're never at home.
Honey, here's what. Unless he was born into money (and sometimes even then), a man that has made his own way into wealth will be working long hours and will often miss important events. When he comes home, he will be too tired to tend to you and could give a shit about how mediocre your pedicure was today. How do you think he got rich? By sitting at home sucking up to his girlfriend/wife? No, by busting his tail and being all about the Benjamins. I hate hearing these pampered, privileged bitches whine about how their husband always works late and doesn't seem to care about her needs. It's a trade-off. You like shopping at Needless Markup (Neimann-Marcus), and driving around in that Benz with the Amex Black Card dontcha? Of course. Thing is, if you're home bossing around the maid, the nanny, the cook and going for $1,000 spa treatments, who is paying for all of this luxury? It obviously isn't you - it's him! So if he has to close that multi-million dollar business deal across the country, do that extra surgery, work that double shift to keep you in La Perla undies then you need to shut up, get a hobby or get a job. Period. Every lifestyle has its sacrifices; the common woman has no sympathy for you. Related: Wives/husbands/significant others of musicians. You knew what we were doing when we met you.
You knew our chosen musical endeavor is time consuming. You knew that what we do brings us in close contact with members of the opposite sex and (if we're lucky) allows us to travel and tour. So don't bitch about it now. People that look to date those with very large paychecks and musicians, act like they understand and can accept what comes with it, then later tries to get them to alter the very thing that made them what they are is FRAUD. If you want a creature that will stare lovingly into your eyes for hours on end, listens to you talk endlessly about yourself, maintains predictable hours and doesn't go out unless you want to then get a dog!

3. People that can't have pride without being assholes to everyone else.
Sure, this could only apply to the White Power fucknut(s) at our last show, but sadly it doesn't. This also means "Proud to be (whatever)" people. I say it often - you had NO CHOICE in whether you are male or female, Black or White, Italian or Irish. What you DO have a choice in is whether you are going to be a decent human being and what constructive thing you bring to humanity's table and THAT is what you should be proud of. It is easy to be proud of something you had no choice in and cannot change - that's a copout. This is not saying you shouldn't be proud of the accomplishments of your ancestors but what have YOU done? It's sad that someone would ever need both a t-shirt and a tattoo to remind themselves to be proud, and inconceivable that they can't be proud without being a prick. It shows a weakness in character, and it only means you're now just a member a different herd of sheep desperately trying to matter. Pathetic.

4. The weight debacle.
I give up. I do. I diet, I exercise, I try to eat right, but I will never be skinny, and that's just how it is. I would love to have a long, lean bikini body but it isn't now and won't ever be. Even if did lose all the weight I wanted to right now, someone would still think I'm fat. I bring this up because it's not just the plumper chicks that will eternally fall short in this world of 'be hot or be ignored'; it's the ones of "normal" weight, too. How can I say this? Eva Longoria was all over the news awhile back with people clucking their tongues at how much weight she put on and how fat she's getting, and she even said she was 'fat'. What was her horrible, egregious weight change? She went from a size double-zero to zero.

00 to 0.

One more time people so hopefully you can visualize and realize the absurdity of this - 00 to 0.

If 0 is "O my God, she's skin and bones" then what is double-zero? Some people are naturally that tiny, but damn.

C'mon people, this is NOT NATURAL. Yes the camera may add twenty pounds but some of these models and some celebrities are so emaciated in pictures that they must be horrifying in person. I remember the day when Marilyn Monroe, at size 14, was the hottest thing on the planet. Then famous women kept getting thinner, and man, if you were a size 8, you were IT! Now, if you're a size 8 you may as well be Harriet the Hippo, and that's just crazy. Being the right weight for your height and build is important for your health and appearance, but that pendulum swings both ways. Yes, you CAN be too thin, and the body and health issues we are foisting upon our young girls now is very sad, indeed. Men say that hate neurotic women, but what else could these girls grow up to be with such a demanding and often unreachable standard that even if achieved, is nearly impossible to maintain?

5. Guitar Hero
Ya know, it was fun for a minute, but now things have gotten out of hand with this. Perhaps you can attribute this to me becoming an increasingly bitter musician, but if you want to play a rock song on guitar, GO GET A GUITAR AND LEARN IT. Buy a real bass, buy a real drum set and do it right. It astounds me that people would rather go to a club or bar and watch other people fake it with the cheesy Guitar Hero instruments and canned songs than actually hear and watch a real band play. You absolutely must hear songs you know? Go see a cover band. I can't believe I just said that, but I'd rather see people pay to watch and support real musicians than this Guitar Hero thing. Sure, it's all in fun but when it becomes it's own cottage industry, that's a disgrace. If you truly love music, then support and pay real musicians, not video game companies. If you want to be a part of music, then truly become part of it and play it for real so you can truly experience what it's like - the highs, AND the lows.

6. The whole, 'You'll vote for Obama because he's Black' thing.
First off, fuck you if you think that. I am an Independent on my voter registration card and I am in life. I have NEVER allowed myself or anyone to define me or anything I'm going to do, say, or be because of my color. Period. Read this next statement closely: IF I DON'T AGREE WITH YOU I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY SIAMESE TWIN I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU. I have never voted for someone because they were either Black or a woman, and I'm not about to start now. This election has put some folks like me in a precarious position. If I vote for Obama, I was expected to because he's Black, and if I don't, I'm just being contrary so I'm not following the (Black) herd.

It's bullshit that I'm not expected - no, not allowed to decide based on the issues. It was not until 10/20 - that's right, about two weeks ago - that I finally chose Obama. If it was all about color, than there would have been no hesitation from the moment he was nominated who I was going to vote for. Instead, this election choice was the hardest I've ever had to make. The issue for me was never the race of the nominees but who did I feel is going to help me and my country the most? And at the end of day it became clear to me that McCain wasn't the guy. If the races were reversed, McCain Black and Obama White (which he is actually half-White, in case you geniuses forgot), I would STILL vote Obama. I'm not out to make a statement, I'm out to make a living. GOT IT? I would NEVER rest my future on something so superficial, and for anyone to accuse or assume that I am or would be for so crucial an election - especially if you know how intelligent, sincere and deliberate of thought I am - is disappointing. Read my (MySpace) blog about how and why I made my decision; you don't have agree, that is your right, but you do NOT have the right to assume you know anything about me other than what I allow you to know. And DO know that I'm more of a real fucking MAVERICK than most of you will EVER live to be. I am now going to have my third cup of coffee. Any smartasses who wanna act like they know is welcome to have a big cup of Shut The Fuck Up.

Thank you.