Pet Peeves #8 - (Originally posted around 9/14/08)

1. Ungrateful, classless fellow musicians!
Saturday night, my band played a show. (Thanks to everyone who came out during the storm - I appreciate it very much!). What I didn't appreciate is the one individual who didn't have enough class to thank me for allowing her to use my rig. I had agreed to allow 3 other bands to use my rig to help out the bands coming out from NYC for the night. A simple, 'thanks for letting me use your equipment' is not only appreciated, it's the right fucking thing to do. Honey, I know my band is a tough act to follow, and I realize that as a bass player I just handed your ass to you. But suck it up. I don't need you to kiss my ass, but you balling your face up and snorting at me when I asked a basic question so I could get you ready for your set was pretty shitty. If you're going to have that kind of attitude next time you can haul your own cabinet and amp to an event we're both playing. Heffa.

2. People who have problems with simple words.
When I ask you to send me everything from your file on a particular matter, it isn't a matter of semantics. Everything means EVERYTHING. That means you toddle your narrow ass over to your file cabinet, open the appropriate file, and take out EVERYTHING. You then toddle your narrow ass over to your copy machine, copy EVERYTHING then send EVERYTHING to my attention. I don't understand why you have to receive 3 faxes and an email explaining this...and then you feel the need to call me about it. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Do I need to explain it in another language? JUST. SEND. ME. EVERYTHING.
JEEBUS!!!

3. Phone solicitors...who don't bother to even try to get your name right.
YOU Ms. Solicitor-calling-from-one-of-my-accounts-person. My name has 5 letters. Five. My last name has 5 too. I'm already pissed that you've called me during dinner, but when it takes you one whole minute to try and figure out how to say my name, I'm ready to reach through the phone line and rip your lips off. Are you seriously this retarded? When I come across a name I know I'm going to have problems with, I take a minute to read the name to myself so when I make the call to you, I'm at least in the ballpark. If you are going to call someone who really doesn't wanna hear from you, at least extend the courtesy of committing to a pronunciation instead of stammering through a five-letter name like it's an exotic disease with 25 letters and containing 18 consonants. By then I DEFINITELY don't want what you're offering; but I do want to empty a cup of fire ants into your underwear.


4. Just because I have boobs, it doesn't mean I don't know anything about cars or sports.
I went to get my oil changed at one of those 10-minute joints. Overall, it was a pretty painless experience, except for...everything but the actual oil change. The manager guy tried to get me to buy an air filter for $25 helpfully advising in a condescending voice what an air filter does and a new one would help my gas mileage. "I'm aware of that, thank you." I say with a smile, wondering WTF he was smoking if he thought I was going to pay $25 for an air filter. Then he tried to get me to pay $69 for the internal filter. I told him I didn't have enough cash with me but I'd get back to him. By then I KNEW what he was smoking if he thought I was going to pay that! It gets better, though. When paying for the oil change, he asked if I would be willing to donate to the Boomer Esiason Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I said I'd donate a coupla bucks. He then felt the need to say that Boomer was a football player. I advised I was aware of that. He then had to mention he was a quarterback for the Giants. If you know Football, you know that homeboy should have quit while he was ahead.

5. Just because YOU have boobs, it doesn't make you alright with me.
I'm a thinker. I am proud of my brain cells and the fact I give them work to do. That means it takes more than hype, more than words, and more than a strong persona to make me give a crap about you. I don't care if you have a vagina. If I don't agree with your views, you having breasts isn't going to make me agree with you. A lot of people are excited about Sarah Palin. Again, I am a Moderate Independent - I'm part of the Swing Vote. Sure, it would be cool to have a female Vice President, but when a woman does make it to office I want it to be one who is going to fight for my rights, not take them away, as she will. I want it to be a woman who knows censorship of any kind undermines one of the best things about this country; Ms. Palin would rather force libraries to censor books. I don't need a woman in office who, if it wasn't for the opportunity to get Hillary's supporters to support the Republican ticket, would be at home squeezing out more kids without regard to their health and hers. I want a woman who is proud to be an American as part of this country, not like Ms. Palin, who was/is an active member of a group that fights for Alaska to secede from the Union. To those who think she'll be the one who will get people like me to vote Republican just because she has spunk, breasts, and an illegitimate grandchild child on the way is insulting my intelligence. And I don't like that one bit.